maria

i can tell i’m in a fragile state of mind bc this meme made me legitimately sad for a fictional centipede

did i ever tell you guys abt how i thought edibles and lunchables were the same thing for like, a year. like i thought all those ‘when the edibles kick in’ memes were just funny jokes about how fucking wild kids get around Snacks or something. 

The best thing you will see today (🔊)

who on earth looks at their new baby boy and says “i think this baby’s name should be hunter.  let’s name him hunter.” 

its too obvious this is why im naming my kid gatherer so the animals wont suspect that gatherer is about to hunt them 

my parents named me goodblog so that others wouldn’t realize I had a bad blog

Please unmute this

I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this 

me: *starts eating healthy and drinking water* oh wow this is actually really nice and fun. 

me: 

me:

me: I SAID THIS IS REALLY NICE

brain: oh right. heres some dopamine for the bare minimum u basic ass bitch

me: thank u 

i am sobbing

I think about this video every day I’m not exaggerating literally every day

youd think horses were one of those animals that has horrible health due to humans breeding unhealthy animals to achieve a certain look but no they really are just naturally that fucked up

horses’ lungs bleed when they run at a certain speed

if their diet is too rich / low in selenium their hooves fall off

excuse me

The reason they have such poor health outcomes after breaking or otherwise injuring their legs is because their legs are actually hyper-specialized fingers; and as in human fingers, there is very little muscle supporting the bone, just a lot of cartilage and tendons and whatnot. You’d think an animal that literally evolved to run away to avoid being eaten would have ALSO evolved sturdier running appendages, but…

I fucking hate this post, it’s 1 AM I don’t want to know that horse legs are giant fucking fingers

words i use in every sentence:

That’s a sentence right there

Forwards and backwards

You can rearrange them in any order and it’ll be a sentence

ladies and gentlemen the extensive vocabulary of tumblr

Dont you love sending cute relatable pics to your girlfriend and being like “us” and she responds “us!” Like thats the best

why do 90% of all medicines sound like cool wizard names

it is i, Zyrtec the allmighty,

you are no match for Xanax the Wise

viagra 

some boring straight dude: i hate wearing anything that’s not cargo shorts

tan france: this is so sad alexa can i get a patterned button down with a french tuck

bitch go off

This movie was all kinds of problematic

what the flying fuck did i just watch

Slay her!

FASHION HAS CHANGED WAS ALL SHE COULD SAY?

Truly my fave movie

What is this?

Me on my way to eat your ass

Was that caption really necessary

IDK, but the music was

I laughed at this too much

Do you think that Guy Fieri ever wakes up at 2am craving a particular dish that he’s had on one of his shows and is like fuck that restaurant is 2,000 miles away right now.

food network gothic

I will never get tired of this