This is the picture Amazon sent my BIL to say the packages were “delivered to a family member directly”

You just know his ass is saying roo roo

OP is into pl*ying and hav*ng f*n :/

fireball whiskey can be put in milk to make FIRE MILK

eat some protein if you are feeling FATIGUED

visit garage sales if you want to find DEALS ON BELT SANDERS

what we'll learn next week is still shrouded in darkness

manager i cant come to work today i forgot how to mimic the behavior of a human. being

salmon so tasty it make me eat hasty / when salmon is finished the joy is diminished

After sex you see me roll over and go to balcony. You think ive gone for smoke due to my melancholic nature but I’ve opened sudoku.com evil level

actually i never experience negative consequences due to procrastination. i am occasionally blighted by god for unknowable reasons though

fucked up in the crib rocking bug pants

listen to me. i do not care how old you are or how silly you think something is. in this world you have to take the things that make you happy and be all about them. it’s the only way you’re gonna survive.

this is why i’m absolutely throwing a tiny birthday party for my plush possum Turnpike in two days bc august 18th is her birthday. she’s gonna be 1

happy birthday Turnpike!!

GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS!!

“why are you wearing a cloak at the bowling alley” it’s my bowling cloak you fucking casual

Of course it goes without saying that I am hopelessly dependent on the ingot

of course lgbt people like horror. what did you think lgbt stands for? lycanthropy gore blood terror

every day o need to save money and then there is some kind of little fucking item

SLEEP I want to try

Pillow is my favorite guy

REST I need some more

into bed where I go snore

PHEW I go honk and shoo

have a blanky feel the snooze

Tired system overload

Everybody SLEEEEEEPINGGGG

if i had absolute power i would be really chill with it actually. i would never corrupt absolutely. i would keep it real niceys. heart

cautiously hands you the Power Sphere

fuck you i think your wizard hat isnt even that magical or has enough stars on it frankly it sucks idiot

there's something compelling to me about the fact that sometimes leaving a blade or bullet inside the wound it made is the only way to prevent you from bleeding to death. something about the symbolism of it. when the thing designed and intended to kill you is the only thing keeping you alive.

also yes i do enjoy a bit of penetration imagery and the perverse intimacy of violence. if you must know.

me: if I become the evil overlord I will never harm my minions

[5 years later]

highly throwable imp: hoohoohee

me: hmm