Surprise triplets 😂

I can’t decide what’s funnier, if this was a genuine candid photo of the father’s shock, or if he was an excellent sport and was like “hey folks, know what would be hilarious…”

“Yknow, Ted, the guys at the bar are gonna wanna know what it was.”

“Bring the photo! It’ll be funnier if you bring the photo.”

Story Time!

My father, who is an identical twin, has two older sisters who were also identical twins. My grandfather’s favourite way to tell the story was that in 1956 when he was awaiting the arrival of 🤷‍♀️ Child™️, the doctor (who, in the small town where we’re from, had delivered my aunts a few years earlier) came to the lounge, lit a cigarette and took a seat next to him.

“Clifford… how are ya?” the doctor greeted.

“I’m alright… yourself?”

“Good, good…good, so how many ya want this time?”

My grandfather, even in the retelling of the story heaved the most world weary sigh and said, “…how many ya got?”

the paris catacombs are 1000x more fucked up than i imagined

did you know the cops once found a fully functioning movie theater with a well-stocked bar inside the catacombs and they when they tried to go back later to formally investigate it was completely emptied out save for a note that read "don't search for us"

What is it about laying on the floor when you're overwhelmed that makes everything feel so much better?

When God has ceased to answer your prayers, it feels good to distance yourself from Heaven.

Adding this to my list of incredibly raw fucking lines gifted from the impossible wonder that is tumblr

“you should be at the club” Brother I should literally be sent to the seaside for my health

hello lgbtq I have baby carrots I am willing to feed to you

companies in June

Im learning that way too many of you have no regard for your own safety or the safety of your data and also that you would be found by bailifs in a day

No but really, pro tip. If you never ever respond to your name until you know who is on the phone, then anyone chasing debts cannot confirm that you are at that number.

Caller: "hello, can I speak to [name] / am I speaking with [name]?"

You: "I'd like to know who's calling / who am I speaking with?"

Caller "this is [caller]"

You: "why do you need to speak with [name]?"

Don't give them ANY information about you til you know who they are and why they're calling. Even if you're not in any financial trouble or have any debts this is real good practice

oooh this is good

Same with if they come to your door. I was served papers once, and the guy at the door was like, "Are you so and so?" and immediately slapped the papers into my arms the second I said yes.

I FORGOT ABOUT KERMIT GULAG

this will forever be my favorite sentence on the internet

op really living up to their url

I’m all scratched up and I can still taste spray paint in my mouth and my husband almost fell out of a tree BUT THE GHOST SCULPTURES ARE FINISHED!

They’re finally finished and I’m so happy with them!!

Some progress shots:

Wow!!!

using the device

big day for lemon-stealing whores

Adding “Tiktok Mary Poppins cosplayer respond to allegations that he was wearing a Third Reich medal in his latest fit by coming out as the reincarnation of Adolf Hitler complete with past life memories before his entire social media prescence was nuked with the sole exception of their egg-laying kink spotify playlists” to the internet sentences treasure vault. Amid all the societal decay we still got it boys.

poor old granny scorpion-shoes. no one ever saw her death coming

it was pneumonia.

yes, her pet scorpion pneumonia, who lived in her shoe. tragic.

he shot her point blank

cant fucking sleep bc wikipedia has separate lists for vampires and for fictional vampires

I know this is about capitalism but it's also about my knees

For Indigenous People’s Day I’d also like to throw out my own tribe’s water project - it’s becoming increasingly vital as protections surrounding Navajo land get stripped away & reservations are stripped of sovereignty, as the US government has poisoned our water before and will likely do so again without a second thought. Please consider donating to the Navajo Water Project, or giving this a reblog if you’d like. A’he’ee, thank you!

https://www.navajowaterproject.org/

(link)

Item: the Fiber Arts Guild needs you to assassinate a local alderman so they gave you this gun to sneak through the metal detectors

the last words he hears are the paramedics realizing it’s too late “it’s not just the wound, he’s been poisoned!” “what? how?!” “the bullet was laced”

For those who give a shit about it, this is a staged photo, the woman on the left is a drag queen doing a bit. Here's a few more photos of her taking in the beautiful sights and sounds of the parade:

(by Mervyn L. Fitzhenry)

just got back from my first shift as a welder. i have a beam attack now

effective range: 1.6-2.4mm

WRONG

hey i hope this isn't a bad time but one billion points lava damage

Man c'mon