writing smut like

how many synonyms for “penis” do I actually know?

and how many of those synonyms am I actually willing to use

tier 1 (most accepted, considered sexy): cock, dick

tier 2 (generally accepted): length, manhood, member, shaft

tier 3 (clinical, too formal, but not cheesy): groin, penis, phallus

tier 4 (cheesy, barely acceptable): [insert name] Jr., dong, junk, knob, prick, rod, tool, wand, wood

tier 5 (ridiculous, unacceptable, pls don’t): anything to do with beer cans, baby-maker, bishop, choad, donger, dragon, fuck wand, fun stick, hog, johnson, jimmy, lap rocket, little [insert name], love muscle/rod/stick, meat stick, one-eyed [anything], piston, private eye, schlong, trouser snake, wiener, winkie

tier 6 (you’re literally a fourth grader): baby arm, baloney pony, beaver basher, beef whistle, custard launcher, dude piston, flesh flute, heat-seeking moisture missile, krull the warrior king, luigi, mayo shooting hotdog gun, meter long king kong dong, pig skin bus, piss weasle, purple-headed yogurt flinger, purple-helmeted warrior of love, schlong dongadoodle, single barreled pump action bollock, spawn hammer, steamin’ semen truck, tan banana, thundersword, wang doodle, whoopie stick, wing wang doodle, yogurt shotgun 

tier 3 (clinical,

too formal, but not cheesy):

groin, penis, phallus

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

The ea launcher is doing that dumb glitch where its not recognizing that I have the horse dlc and on my profile it says I own all dlc and shows the "download to use" pop up on all of the ones that I KNOW FOR CERTAIN I don't have

I spent like an hour troubleshooting my dlc unlocker and finding mirror downloads for the dlc just for this to be ea's fault!

Finally got it to work!

One of the best letters I’ve ever seen just popped up on my Facebook memories. Still makes me laugh.

As today is the 50th anniversary of the moon landing, it’s a great time to revisit Dinah from Devon’s memory of this historic event. And yes, still makes me laugh.

Today is the 54th anniversary of the moon landing, but Dinah’s diary entry is still absolutely magnificent.

using tumblr mobile and seeing people talk about a desktop layout change is like hearing a timer suddenly start ticking down. I am safe for now but I hear the danger

oh yeah, with the new size limit for .gifs this thing can finally be posted

what the fuck

I just….?

TREASURE THIS POST. IT ONLY APPEARS ON YOUR DASH ONCE IN A BLUE MOON I SWEAR

forget posting cringe to scare off Twitter folks, we just gotta make this appear to be the constant vibe here and we’ll be good skdjskksks

[ID: a pair of outstretched hands, offering a chess piece. End ID]

[ID: a pair of

outstretched hands, offering a

chess piece. End ID]

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

I'm not about to argue the finer points of Southern culture with anyone, because I can accept that I was born and raised in the hot flames of a dumpster fire, but I'll tell you gotdamned commie Yankees one thing: I'd rather be dead in the hallowed halls of a Cook Out than alive in an In-N-Out

Some people say the Legend of Zelda series has too many different ancient sky-dwelling precursor civilisations. I say those people are cowards. The next Zelda game should feature the ruins of an ancient sky-dwelling precursor civilisation whose statues and murals all inexplicably look exactly like Tingle.

#too many? #we have 2 #the Zonai and the Skyloftians (via @scarred-but-still-smiling)

How quickly we forget:

'can i copy your homework?'

'yeah just don't make it obvious'

Reminder that this is an experiment as per their official announcement (screenshot below).

Since this is an experiment, give your feedback to staff!

And remember to be specific on how this new navigation layout they are experimenting with is not working for you; hating it is one thing, but usability on different devices with different screen orientations, operating system, etc., would be much more impactful and meaningful.

happy Thursday the 20th

I’d have to wait months or even years for another chance to reblog this, so why the fuck not?

next days you can reblog this on a Thursday the 20th

August 2015

October 2016

April 2017

July 2017

September 2018

December 2018

June 2019

February 2020

August 2020

You know, just in case you wanted to set your queue for the next 6 years

TODAY

Since it’s now August 20, 2020… The next days you can reblog this on a Thursday the 20th:

If you wanted to set your queue for the next six years.

I gotta take my chances

Stopped dead in my tracks in the parking lot of my co-op by the ‘MILF’ sticker but it’s the ‘please let me merge’ possum that made me pull out my camera.

reblog if your name isn't Amanda.

We’ll find you Amanda.

this has almost 11 million notes what is this

I’ve never seen this post once in 10 years on this site

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

I’ve never even heard of this before tho??? Wtf??????????

oh my god, I didn’t think there were any surviving versions of this post left

For those who weren’t around in the Deep Lore times, this is one of the relics of the editable post era. This post has THE SINGLE HIGHEST NOTES of ANY post on this site, bar none, but with more than a dozen variations. Every single post you’ve ever seen with more than 3 million notes has been a different version of this one.

This is the “Dean’s Gym Shorts” post. This is the Flubber post. This is the original “Reblog if you support gay people” post. it was ALL of them. before half the site got nuked, it had even more notes than it has now - at one point, well over 15 million, and that was years ago.

This, with no exaggeration, is the ONE TRUE heritage post

This website truly is bizarre

附近 11

Nearby 11

Translated by Guandi Wu

after inputting some complex algorithms into my super computer i’ve determined what tumblr will look like in the year 2020

i love how this comes back after every shitty update staff makes