Avatar

body horror fanclub

@pseudo-monas

he/him | writer | probably sfw but no minors | i rb art of body horror and gore sometimes | death note sideblog @lthehangedman

New! Josie Gleave brings us a guide to sexual grooming that can protect you and your friends from online abusers.

you should still click through, but this is such a crucial topic that i wanted to copy and past the most important parts of this article: 

The Steps of Grooming

Any person of any age, gender, sexual identity or ethnicity can groom someone for the purpose of abuse. That person may be someone you know or someone you don’t know. Children and teens are not the only victims of grooming, but this guide focuses on young people.

Grooming was first recognized in abuse cases where the abuser knew their victim in person, like Ariana Kukors, a US Olympic swimmer who was abused by her coach. Kukors has spoken publicly about the role grooming played in her story, and how the manipulation kept her under the control of her abusive coach for years. In addition to in person grooming, online grooming has become equally dangerous, prevalent and damaging. More and more of our lives are lived online, which is why we need to think more and more about our safety online.

1. Targeting a victim

Unfortunately, any young person is at risk of online grooming. Abusers typically look for someone who is more vulnerable or in a vulnerable situation, like someone living in foster care or someone with a disability. Online, abusive people look for teens who are lonely or expressing sexual curiosity. Sometimes online abusers pretend to be teenagers themselves, but more often they are adults trying to play the role of an older boyfriend or a mentor who can “teach” the victim about love or sex.

2. Gaining access

Sexual abuse is most often committed by someone that you already know, and this is because the abuser usually needs to be in your circle of acquaintances to get access to you. They want to be nearby and to have opportunities to be alone.

This is often not the case with online abuse, because the internet provides that access. Instead of being in the same city or neighborhood, abusers can meet potential victims on social media, in games, chatrooms, or anywhere that users correspond. Online platforms also allow anonymity, which works in the abuser’s favor. It can be difficult to determine who a person is and their intentions.

3. Building trust

A key part of grooming for sexual abuse is building trust with the victim. In person or online, abusers try to fill a need. You may be lonely, feel unpopular, isolated or bored, and the abuser will pretend to become a friend you can confide in and who can listen. They may act sympathetic, always take your side, and portray themselves as the only person who understands your problems. Their goal is to become your main emotional support. They may also try to make you feel special by treating you like an adult and commenting on your maturity. They may quickly look for a favor they can do for you to make you feel indebted and more likely to do something for them return. This stage is particularly damaging because it closely mimics a positive relationship.

4. Isolation and risk assessment

When an abuser thinks they have established trust, they test that bond. They may try to isolate you from family or friends, sometimes to the point of you becoming very emotionally or otherwise dependent on them. With online grooming, they may ask if your parents check your phone or if you are home alone. They may also start asking you to keep secrets, either about conversations or gifts they send. This is one way the abuser assesses whether they can move to the next step and you will stay silent.

5. Sexualization of the relationship

The final step occurs when the abuser believes they have built sufficient trust that you will do what they request and keep everything secret. They may commit sexual assault in or request sexual images or videos, often increasingly explicit in nature.

While in person and online grooming both follow these steps, abusers work at different rates. For example, Ariana Kukors’ swim coach began grooming her when she was 13 years old and the physical sexual abuse began when she was 15. Online abuse can occur faster, sometimes in even less than one hour.

Red Flags and Warning Signs

It is not reasonable to say that you should avoid the internet if you don’t want to be abused. The responsibility and blame always lies with an abuser, not someone they victimize who is simply engaging in modern life online. We believe it is possible for you to still have fun online, meet new friends, and stay safe. The key is awareness. It may be difficult to identify a step in the grooming process in real time, but there are red flags and warning signs that you can recognize, especially if they start to accumulate. They can help you protect yourself when sexual requests slide into your DMs.

Flattery

It can feel nice to be noticed. Lots of likes and comments on your social media can feel good, but excessive compliments from a stranger can be a warning sign, particularly sexualized comments about your appearance. Flattery is one way online abusers gain access to their victims and begin building a relationship. “Wow, you should be a model,” may seem harmless, but it often isn’t. You have the power. Just because someone gives you a compliment does not mean you have to continue the conversation.

Gifts

Online groomers might send video game currency, cash, electronic devices, or other gifts to you to ingratiate themselves. This is a clear red flag. There is no reason why an adult should be sending gifts to a minor they met online, nor is it typical teen behavior to send gifts if the abuser is posing as a younger person. In actuality, gifts are one way abusers assess risk. They may ask you to not tell your parents about the gift to test how much you trust them and if you will stay silent after sexual abuse.

Asking for personal information

It is safest to avoid sharing personal and identifying information about yourself online or with those you don’t know. If you are playing video games, chatting, or sharing photos for fun, there is no need for personal questions about where you live or go to school. Do your parents read your messages? What is a secret no one knows about you? Abusers want to know as much as they can about their victims so they can better manipulate them.

Secret conversations

Secrets work in the abuser’s favor in two different ways. To build trust, they may confide in you by telling real or made up secrets to try to make you feel special. Abusers also use secrets to test that trust before escalating to sexual abuse. If someone asks you to keep a conversation secret, ask yourself why? Is the conversation inappropriate, or is it dangerous?

Sending sexually explicit photos

In the online dating world, it is almost assumed you will receive sexual photos whether you asked for them or not. Sexting is considered normal, but still has risks and consequences, particularly if you are under 18. Unfortunately, abusers rely on the normalization of sexting. They expect you to dismiss or think nothing of an explicit image, but in reality, abusers send explicit imagery to try and desensitize their victim to future abuse. It is a priming tactic. Keep in mind, that in many countries it is illegal for an adult to send an underage person pornographic material, nor is it lawful to send nude photos as a minor to another person. In any online exchange, it is not okay for anyone to send unsolicited explicit photos. This is poor etiquette and ultimately a nonconsensual act and red flag no matter what.

Requesting sexual photos

Online abusers sexualize the relationship by sending and requesting explicit photos and videos, explicit letters or phone calls, or asking detailed questions about your sexual history or experience. They may begin with a seemingly harmless request, like a photo of you fully clothed, before asking for increasingly sexual images. Others brazenly ask for explicit material straight away and even demand live webcam performances. Remember that after you send an image, you no longer have control over what a person does with that image. Ask yourself how well you know the receiver. Did you meet in person or online? Do you know their real identity and their intentions? How does the request make you feel? Many young people enjoy the attention that comes from the potential of a new relationship, but requests to send nudes can still feel like unwanted pressure.

Threats

After the abuser receives one or multiple sexual images, they may try to blackmail you into sending more images of increasing exploitative nature. They may send threats that they will release the images online or send them to your family or school. This is a kind of extortion, or rather sextortion, and is another form of sexual abuse. You do not need to respond or give in, despite how terrifying the threats may seem. An abuser does not want to put themselves at risk by exposing the relationship, so the threats may be a bluff. Seek immediate help.

Next Steps

If you feel uncomfortable about an online conversation, the next thing you should do may be the hardest. Reach out for help and support. Telling a parent, guardian, teacher or someone else can be daunting because you can’t know for sure how they will react, but confiding in someone with some power who you can trust and who won’t blame you for the abuse is key to moving forward. Alternatively, you can call a helpline which allows you to remain anonymous and get accurate advice about your situation.

An online conversation with someone abusive can spiral out of control quickly. You may feel ashamed or embarrassed, but if there is anything you should take away from this guide, it is this: it is never your fault. The blame is not yours to bear.

For more information or help:

  • Scarleteen – Direct support services including message boards, online chat, and SMS helpline, USA
  • Childline - Helpline for 18 and under, UK
  • NSPCC - Understanding grooming, UK

Some reporting options:

Avatar

I want to emphasize that Scarleteen is the brainchild of Heather Corinna (they/them), one of the most hellaciously awesome human beings I have ever known. They’ve been running Scarleteen with an amazing team of mostly volunteers, on a shoestring, since 1998.

If you want good, basic sex and relationship education, free, online, aimed at teenagers and young adults? Scarleteen.

So if you’re looking for somewhere to throw your donation dollars when you have a few? Scarleteen.

Avatar

I'm saying this as a fan, but also as somebody who worked their arse off writing screenplays at film school, don't hate on the writers when they go on strike.

Writers control the story of the show, there is so much detail and fine tuning done in the scripts. Everything an actor or a director adds, is adapted from the script. There is no show without the script, but still screenwriters are horrendously underappreciated and underpaid.

Director, actors and producers usually end up with most of the credit.

Writers deserve to be seen. If your favorite show is delayed because of the upcoming strikes, don't be surprised and please don't be angry at the writers. They are fighting for their art to be appreciated.

Some of your shows are gonna get cancelled.

Some will come back but lose their momentum and you'll wish they'd been cancelled.

This isn't the fault of writers. This is the fault of the studios.

The Writers' Guild has made a list of demands that will cost $500 million a year across the ENTIRE industry. Every studio, every streaming service, every film, every show, every writer: total cost $500 million. One streaming alone could foot the entire bill and still be in comfortable profit. Its half of what Amazon spent on Rings of Power alone. A little more than what Netflix spent on The Gray Man.

The studios can easily afford this. They're just being assholes about it.

Don't blame the writers.

Avatar

Which is why it’s important to not be mean.

Their cult teaches them that the world is full of scary monster people who hate them for being so good and loved by god. If you swear at them and call them names or get in their face you’re just doing the cults work for it.

I’m not saying you have to listen to their presentation or try to debate them (and really getting into a debate without thoroughly understanding what they’re being taught will just make things worse)… I am just saying to be polite and say no thank you like if they were trying to hand you a flyer for something you don’t care about.

It’s easier for them to see the world outside their bubble as less scary if they see everyday people just going about their business and being as nice to them as you are to everyone else. This goes doubly for anyone who happens to dress modestly, not swear, and not drink or smoke because whatever you believe, they’ll see you as a “good” person who happens to strangely have no interest in their “message”, and that might be enough to get some curious about the possibility of themselves living in the real world.

It’s sometimes hard to be nice to people who seem to represent something you dislike. Just remember these “elders” are sheltered young men, some of which are getting their first real contact with people of other/no faiths.

They are not your enemy. They are victims.

Avatar

They aren't being sent out to actually convert people, they are being sent out hoping that they will be harassed and treated poorly so they view those outside the cult as dangerous and evil and stick to the safety of the familiar group.

You being mean to some teenager isn't sticking it to anyone, you're doing exactly what their church elders want to happen.

Oldest evidence of the controlled use of fire to cook food

The remains of a huge carp fish (2 meters/6.5 feet long), analyzed by the Hebrew University, Bar-Ilan University Tel Aviv University, in collaboration with Oranim Academic College, the Israel Oceanographic and Limnological Research institution, the Natural History Museum in London, and the Johannes Gutenberg University in Mainz, mark the earliest signs of cooking by prehistoric human to 780,000 years ago, predating the available data by some 600,000 years.

A close analysis of the remains of a carp-like fish found at the Gesher Benot Ya'aqov (GBY) archaeological site in Israel shows that the fish were cooked roughly 780,000 years ago. Cooking is defined as the ability to process food by controlling the temperature at which it is heated and includes a wide range of methods. Read more.

Holy SHIT this is cool!! Y'all! Y'ALL!! This is HUGE!! Our ancestors were having a nice grill out 600,000 years EARLIER than we thought!!! We went from thinking this was 180,000 years ago to fucking 780,000 years ago!! That’s mind-blowing!!! Like… just think about the difference between starting a 180k fic (already a sizable investment) vs getting into a 780k MONSTER!! And… that’s just words! Not years!! I’m blown away!!

Avatar

The positives of ‘putting yourself out there’ are worth it. Having a great conversation with a stranger will be worth the awkwardness of starting that exact conversation. Joining a small community of people you will see regularly is worth having to get through a scary first day. Getting your dream job is worth the scariness of chasing it. Don’t pick and choose experiences based on the level of ease now, but choose them based on how you want to come out of them.

my writing fundamentally changed forever ten years ago when i realized you could use sentence structure to control people’s heart rates. is this still forbidden knowledge or does everyone know it now

?????? *raises hand* I’ve been writing for years and don’t know this trick by these words! do tell?

Okay, so a few people have asked for me to cite the dark magics at them, and i’m super happy to share because it’s my favorite thing ever. 

so, let’s see if i can explain this the same way that i learned. read a sentence out loud. you come to a full stop when you hit the period, and you take a normal, breath. but, when you hit a comma, you take a slightly longer pause. and when you hit a dash - you take an even longer pause. 

this is a natural rhythm that we pick up when we’re first taught to read; we do it without even thinking. but when you start to think about it, you realize that it can become a tool.

think of your heartbeat. a period is badump. a comma is badump-dump. and a dash is thump badump. one breath. a longer breath. two breaths.

that means what you read automatically affects the rhythm of your breathing and your heartrate. which means that you can control the amount of physical tension your reader feels… by altering your punction and your sentence structure.

for fast paced scenes, you use short sentences. a lot of hard stops. mostly periods, with just a few comma’s thrown in for the full breath. your reader’s heartrate accelerates. their breathing is slightly and unintentionally, on their end, quicker. you hit the dramatic ending of the scene - and your reader’s body phsyically feels the gasp, the breath of fresh air, of these longer sentences.

now, read that paragraph again ant take note of your natural pauses, and how it subtly affects your breathing. 

the same thing can be said of comma’s and dashes. while they can be used as a breath of fresh air, they can also cause a new line of tension as they lead your reader to hold their breath. during this section, you should use longer sentences; breaking up the harshness of the pauses by using variations of punction. read this paragraph out loud from the start and take note of how long you go between pauses and full breaths. 

and then, comes the biggest trick.

the hard stop.

the paragraph.

because while the periods, commas, and dashes are variations on a short stop, the paragraph is a hard stop. you take a full breath. you pause for a moment, then move to the start of the next paragraph.

which means you can create an entirely new sort of dramatic tension. read the sentences that are in bold. see how you take a naturally longer pause at the end of each paragraph?

see how it makes you feel? 

how it makes you breath different? 

how doing it once, twice, or three times creates a different line of tension? 

this little magic trick can be used to cause a reader’s heartrate to speed up during a fight or chase scene. it can be used to cause their breathing to slow down during moments of dramatic tension, sorrow, or softness. and it can be used to create hard breaks that add a new level of physically felt emphasis to your written work.

i hope these examples make sense! it’s my favorite writing trick!

I’m so fond of athena and odysseus conceptually.  like here’s the goddess of wisdom and warfare and craft and art, and here’s her pet liar.  he does tricks.

popping back in right before ramadan to drop this here for all my non-muslim friends! hopefully this helps to answer some of the questions people tend to have!

remember to support your muslim friends and neighbors, as islamophobia and acts of hate and violence tend to increase during this month

to all my muslim followers: an early ramadan mubarak!!! stay safe and stay hydrated 💕

اللهم بلغنا رمضان

non-muslims can and are encouraged to reblog!

[Transcript: Ramadan: A beginner's guide

So, what is Ramadan? / Ramadan is the ninth month of the Islamic lunar calendar. It is a month where Muslims around the world mark the holy month with extra praying, fasting, charity, Qu'ran, community, and reflection. It is a month of spirituality, good deeds, sacrifice and joy.

How does fasting work? / Fasting is one of the five pillars of Islam, and thus extremely important to many. Muslims who are able to fast will fast the entire month. The fast lasts from dawn until sunset, and no food or water is consumed during this time. Muslims also abstain from smoking, intercourse, gum, and bad habits like gossip, etc. while fasting.

Does everyone fast? / Nope! There are so many who are exempt from fasting, so one should always be careful when asking or making assumptions! Those exempt from the fast include: the elderly, the sick, those who need to take medication during the day, children, pregnant or breastfeeding mothers, menstruating women, and others. Many will make up for the fasts they have missed at a later date if able, but those who are chronically ill or unable to fast are excused.

Why do Muslims fast? / As an act of worship - the Qur'an prescribes fasting to all who are able as means of submission, seeking forgiveness, growing closed to God, and developing compassion to those in need. As a way to learn patience, break bad habits and develop good habits. To remind us of life and death - we begin the fast like children full of energy, then as we grow tired and weary throughout the day we are reminded of how we will grow old and die. Then we break fast with dates and water and are reminded of God's promise of paradise.

Terms to know: "Taraweeh", night recitation of Qur'an and prayer in congregation; "Suhoor/Sehri", the pre-dawn meal before the fast begins; "Iftar", the meal eaten to break the fast after the sun sets; "Eid-ul-Fitr", the celebratory holiday at the end of Ramadan; "Ramadan/Eid Mubarak", traditional way of wishing someone a blessed Ramadan or Eid. End transcript]

I want to share something for those of you who are teaching and want your conservative students to be more open-minded to liberal ideas that you’re presenting.

I grew up in a conservative family and a conservative town, and like most conservative kids, had been told that colleges were hotbeds of liberalism, so I was already defensive politically when I started college. My first semester or two I was really skeptical of everything political that my professors presented me with.

And then I took a women’s studies course (required at my college). And on the first day, the professor said, 

“You don’t have to be a feminist. There are days when I’m not a feminist. But we’re going to discuss feminist ideas in this class, and you might find that you agree with some of them and disagree with others, and that’s fine.”

And that took the pressure off. By telling me that I didn’t HAVE to be a feminist, that I didn’t HAVE to agree, that professor started me on the road to becoming a feminist. I particularly remember her giving us information about what a huge percentage of the housework was still done by women, even in [hetero] couples where both the man and woman worked outside the home. And after that I remember saying, “I’m not a feminist, but I can see where they’re coming from.” 

Within 5 years, I was claiming the term and coming out to my mom as a feminist.

So when I taught college writing, I assigned politically liberal essays to my students, many of whom came from conservative backgrounds. And before they read the first one, I would say,

“The reading for the next class–I want you to know that you don’t have to agree with it. You don’t have to agree with anything that your professors teach you in college. But the point of a college education is to have your mind opened to other points of view. So you’re not required to agree, but you are required to approach the reading with an open mind. You might find that you agree with some things the author says and disagree with others. And that’s cool! We WANT you to use your critical thinking and decide for yourself what you think about things! But to do that, you need to give people the benefit of the doubt and be open-minded to what they have to say.”

And I have to say, it worked really well for me! I remember in particular that after I assigned the essay “Black Men and Public Space”, one of my students wrote in her reading reflection,

“I was taught in school that racism in America ended with Martin Luther King. I am appalled to discover that this is not true.”

Priming your students to be open-minded, while also encouraging them to use critical thinking, can help to break down some of the automatic defenses against new ideas that students are often taught. Approaching your students’ comments during discussion with an open-minded view yourself, validating their experiences while also making gentle counterarguments, can do a lot as well.

Avatar

This is important within leftist and liberal circles as well - the idea that there can’t be good-faith disagreements between people on the same side leads to brittleness of arguments, of movements, of communities and of a person’s ability to reason.

Obviously, this doesn’t mean that you have to, or should, accept “agree to disagree” or listen to arguments that dehumanize you or others, but we need to be able to consider ideas outside what we already believe, and too often we simply don’t hold in our minds the idea that we don’t have to agree with everything on our side.

The Epic of Gilgamesh has sparked me into thinking about women in literature and storytelling, and how in some ways we are unusually misogynistic in the way we tell stories compared to...most of history

I've been reading the Foster translation of the epic, and it's striking how...not-antagonistic the text is toward women.

For one thing, a significant portion of the characters with important roles are female. Gilgamesh and Enkidu are obviously the important ones, and Utnapishtim to a degree, but we also have Inanna, Ninsun, Shamhat, Siduri, Utnapishtim's wife, and even Aruru, who gets credit here for being the supreme creator being.

I was surprised as well by how neutral the text is in portraying them. Shamhat, the 'harlot' ("sex worker" doesn't work here, because there are some spiritual/religious connotations here as well i think?), is...just a character. She isn't demonized, we aren't supposed to despise her. Siduri is just a weird lady running a tavern at the end of the world all alone. Ninsun, Gilgamesh's mother, is a source of wisdom and authority.

There are repeated occasions throughout the story where other characters seek out female characters because of their power and/or wisdom (e.g. Gilgamesh going to Ninsun for help interpreting his dreams, the gods summoning Aruru to create someone to oppose Gilgamesh). They're also actually allowed to speak in the story.

I remember being surprised by it when I read the Iliad that we actually got to hear Briseis speak, just as I was by how much talking women do in Shakespeare.

I think I expected less because the storytelling produced by the present day world around me set the bar so low.

In the Original and Prequel trilogies of Star Wars, there are, like, at most six female characters with speaking roles that I can remember (Leia, Padme, Mon Mothma, Zam Wessell, Beru Lars, and the decoy queen in The Phantom Menace whose name I can't remember). You probably don't even remember some of these, because they were not important at all. It's like if Dexter Jettster happened to be female.

That's just the thing, though, isn't it? Dexter Jettster is male. Chewbacca is male. Obi-Wan Kenobi, Mace Windu, Yoda and Qui-Gon Jinn are male. Sebulba, the pod-racer that explodes in Episode 1, is male, Jen Porkins is male, Greedo is male, Poggle the Lesser is male, Boss Nass is male, Salacious Crumb is male, Captain Panaka is male, even the droids are at least coded as male. There is no reason for it.

I don't know quite enough about Marvel to compare, and honestly haven't bothered with Marvel in a few years, but only one of the original Avengers is female, as well as only one of the original Guardians of the Galaxy, both were defined by their relationships to major male characters, and both died. The focus on the male characters is overwhelming. 

We're used to stories that barely have any female characters in them. The Lord of the Rings has what, three? four? women? Stories that actually have similar proportions of men and women receive backlash, as Scott Lynch did when Red Seas under Red Skies had "too many" women (it was still predominantly male!) Even books that are praised as "feminist" or appear to be focused on women neglect the actual presence of women. I only read the first two Throne of Glass novels, but I can only remember two female characters in it apart from the main character, and iirc both of them die. (It's not a 'feminist' series at all, but I digress.)

We're actually backsliding in some respects, if you ask me—in visual media, traditionally "unattractive" women are disappearing. Weird women are disappearing. "Strong Female Character" has become just another trope as restrictive as any of the other roles "allowed" for women. We see people looking backward at characters like Edna Mode as unusually human and well-represented when I'm not convinced that they were at the time.

And now the Epic of Gilgamesh seems unusually woman-focused and not-misogynistic. I wonder how we got here...

I've just started to really look at people funny when they praise books, esp YA books, for having "strong female characters."

Like someone in my YA lit class praised Children of Blood and Bone for having women that are "allowed" to fight and be independent and have significant roles in the story, and how important the book is for including that. And I just.

Alanna: The First Adventure is 30+ years old, Dealing with Dragons is 30+ years old, Sabriel is 25+ years old, so it's not like independent, self determining female leads were invented yesterday in YA. Graceling, the Hunger Games, and a lot of the foundational Girl That Fights YA turns fifteen years old soon. A girl that was 16 when the first of the Hunger Games trilogy came out is now 30, and in a few years may be able to give the books to her own daughter to read.

Meanwhile, over the recent 3 or so years popular YA books are dominated by plots about girls trapped in castles, bound by curses, or in arranged marriages whose stories all hinge on falling for boys.

YA romance and romance subplots have always been a thing, sure.

But I seriously feel like, idk, 10 years ago, plots where the romance was a vital element (or the primary element) fit into their own niche significantly more, and books that were primarily "fantasy" actually were, well, primarily fantasy.

Am I making this up in my head? Has anyone else noticed this? There definitely used to be YA fantasy that actually centered significantly on worldbuilding and non-romance plot instead of being primarily romance with either a court intrigue or a fairy tale retelling backdrop.

What i'm trying to highlight is the huge boom in YA books where

  • the female protagonist falling in love with a man
  • the female protagonist being betrothed or otherwise having her sexuality controlled and restricted

is a REQUIRED element of the plot (and often the magic and worldbuilding) as in the story itself hinges on it.

There's also been a small explosion of YA books with the female MC being a "sacrifice," being given over to something as currency/appeasement, or otherwise fulfilling a very passive, inanimate role (e.g. Poppy being the "Maiden" in From Blood and Ash or whatever the title was.) What is UP with that.

"Strong female character" is one of the most anti-feminist book tropes around nowadays and there's a few reasons why.

1) 'Strong' meaning physical and not mental I think we can all agree on this. The original meaning of 'strong female character' is that of a character who has agency. Her own story, motivations, goals, and above all, compelling characteristics. A female character not reliant on a man or whose development is secondary to the men around her. It does NOT mean physically strong. But that is the predominant depiction.

'Strong female character' is taken to mean a female character that saves herself. That beats the bad guy and kicks ass without breaking a sweat. That in itself is not bad. But when that strong female character's entire focus is on that physical strength? When her every scene focuses on how much ass she can kick and how much she doesn't need help? It generates a slew of similar characters; cocky, self-assured female characters who never need help (until they do for romantic development) who swing first and ask questions later.

I guarantee more than a few characters came to mind from that description. They all fall into the same niche. We get a large quantity of female leads, but admittedly low quality ones. They're all the same.

2) Feminine traits are demonised How many 'strong female characters' in books don't have at least one throwaway line about how they're so much better than women who can't fight, or women who just want to wear dresses and do typically feminine things? If you can name one then I'm honestly impressed.

If a female character doesn't fight, she's weak. If she's typically feminine and wears dresses and pink, she's a sexist portrayal. If she doesn't do everything her male counterparts do with more finesse and more snark, she's a bad character. Just as the 'strong female character' strips female characters of individuality and uniqueness, it also demonises those who conform to stereotypical or traditional femininity.

And before anyone tries to say that's not a bad thing; the same problem never arises with men. There's never a problem perceived with men being depicted as typically masculine, protective or even aggressive. So what's wrong with a female character who might be stereotypically dainty?

3) The weird connection between 'strength' and 'infertility' Seriously, why do so many strong female characters also have pasts that involve sterilisation and/or infertility? Black Widow in the MCU is a major one, to say nothing of the many others. Why is a woman only strong if you remove something that is arguably incredibly female? Why does she need to be 'hardened' by sterilisation of all things?

Further to this point, why must every strong female character be a young, attractive woman in her late teens or early 20s? Why is there never any respect given to adult women, to mothers, to those with families? Why does a narrative that makes a woman strong also have to strip her of a family and potential children, something that again, has been very stereotypically feminine? When we're trying more than ever to celebrate everything female, why is something seen as so fundamental to it being attacked, either subconsciously or not? Someone has things to answer for.

4) A lack of personal growth This ties in with point #1, but why is the objective of the strong female character always something related to saving the world, or taking down a massive enemy, etc? Once again, since the strong female character's main trait is physical capability, her role is reduced to that of militant more often than not. Books that focus on the romance side tend to prioritise a depiction of her as bullheaded but eventually worn down by a male love interest.

But without romance, she's always a fighter and soldier. And again, there is nothing wrong with that. But that depiction is usually the full extent of her character. There is no sense of balance, no real personal growth. Her accomplishments are never her own, they're always something done for something or someone else.

This may just be a collection of ramblings but I'll stand by it. We need female characters who are allowed to be weak. Who are strong because of their rich inner souls and not the sizes of their muscles.

In an ideal world, we would have a wealth of female characters who fit on both ends of the spectrum, and occupy all the spaces in between. And things have been better recently. But the 'strong female character' still pervades and I really wish she didn't.

Avatar

To add to the bit about "unattractive" women disappearing from visual media, I think a lot of it is just that unattractiveness is disappearing from visual media. Everything's got to be clean and shiny and all the men have to be strong and attractive and all the women have to be sexy.

It's garbage and feels cheap and I hate it so much. It's like these world haven't been lived on at all.

Avatar
“It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here.”

— James Baldwin

Avatar

the scariest thing in the world is probably whatever's going on in the tiny gap between my kitchen counters and the oven