“I’m the money right here”😂

I would of got in the car real quick 😂 She smooth AF

I’m in fucking LOVE

— Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help 

anyone else have one of those Formative Omegle Experiences that’s stuck with you

i remember once matching up with this 27 year old mechanic. he found the omegle page open on one the shop’s computers, and he wanted to see what his coworker was up to. we matched up because of our listed “manga” interests.

he asked how old i was, and i lied and said i was 16. as a conversation starter, he asked if i had my license yet, and because i was 12, i said no.

so he starts giving me driving tips. get a junker as your first, because when you finally get a new car, you’ll be able to appreciate it.

stick shift is going out of fashion, and even if you learn how to drive that way and enjoy it, get an automatic. it’ll save your ass on nasty hills and in rush hour traffic.

and most importantly, never hold your hands at 10 and 2. go with 9 and 3. he’d always loved cars, and used to race when he was younger. became pretty well known in the indie circles. one day, he was speeding around the track and just came out of the curve when a girl in the crowd flashed her tits at him.

he was so distracted that he crashed straight into the barrier. due to how he was holding the wheel, he broke both of his arms. he still has a couple lingering issues.

i asked him if it was worth it, and he said yes. he’d do it again if he had the chance. they were the finest tiddies he’d ever seen.

the moral of this story is that, to this day, i grip 9 and 3 when using both hands because wait that’s what tiddy guy said i should do.

Sounds like the best wingmom ever

@ the water that drips down my arms when i wash my face and makes a big ass mess: fuckin fight me

reasons I’m still on this hellsite:

1) nowhere else I could find posts this specifically relatable

Shark finning infographic by ripetungi.

MANDATORY REBLOG

This sounds like a lot, but it’s true. An estimated 100,000,000 sharks per year are killed, threatening many species with endangerment or extinction.

Scary predators are important to the ecosystem, too. Conservation’s not just about the panda bears.

Per hour. Not per week, not per day. PER. HOUR.

THIS SHIT IS NOT OKAY!

Reyna Biddy (via quotemadness)

I Must Crack Open a Cold One, But I Have No Boys.

You Require the Milkshake

In honor of me rejecting a boy today, here is my mom turning down a marriage proposal from a Fuckboy in the early 90s on national television. Enjoy.

I’m the dude continuously playing the guitar

an icon

This shit is still funny

Lmao what the hell!

Lmfao fuck that’s me

Why was he in jail?

@illmaticraj right now

Yeah I wanna know what he did cuz in all honesty if he r*ped this girl I don’t wanna be supporting him and shit by reblogging

Facts

Nah he sold some weed to a undercover and used this as a pickup line

Ok in that case lmfaoooooooo

Woman says racist remarks and another woman is not having it!

can we please find her @!!!!!!

so your duck ass 3 months pregnant and started a fight if you dont gtf

@ladygaga this what we need girl

You’re doing great sweetie !!! Keep it up !!!

I’m reblogging this every time I see it on my dash

BEAT DAT ASSSSSS

Her name is Colleen Dagg (daggdagg94 on twitter)

“can’t be one foot in and one foot out”

Kuba Wojewodzki (via help-n-quotes)

Wait STOP!! I need one for my parents anniversary

Woman says racist remarks and another woman is not having it!

can we please find her @!!!!!!

so your duck ass 3 months pregnant and started a fight if you dont gtf

@ladygaga this what we need girl

You’re doing great sweetie !!! Keep it up !!!

I’m reblogging this every time I see it on my dash

BEAT DAT ASSSSSS

Her name is Colleen Dagg (daggdagg94 on twitter)

“can’t be one foot in and one foot out”

*gets penalty* “that’s bullshit” *watches replay* “.. yeah okay”

This is flawless. I can’t stop watching.

Every hockey player ever sent to the penalty box

We get it, you vape.

Can’t believe I’m posting a vape vid

But like if you cut the vape section out (or skip it) this is a beautiful story about a bubble full of magical mist and it’s encounter with a very spiritual lake that sets it free.

Where can I buy her album tho

13/10 would buy it tbh

is that Adele’s dog? gotta be

This dog sings better than 80% of these other bitches

Bitch the VIBRATO

WHAT THE FUCK

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man. True nobility is being superior to your former self.”

Dat mic drop tho.

my rooster doesn’t crow when the sun rises, he crows when he hears humans wake up, like you can literally just roll over in bed and he’s like “hoLY SHIT THAT’S A PEOPLE THE HUMAN ISAWAKE AHHH AHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

the same rooster - god guys he’s so cute - he always lets hens eat treats first and won’t have any treats until they’ve had as much as they want, unless it’s a blueberry. shit, blueberries are like serious fucking business for Pharaoh. he’s a gentleman until the damn blueberries come out and then he don’t play no fuckin games

in case you were wondering this is him

It’s been almost a year since I made this post so I guess I should update you guys on Pharaoh!

He’s still a sweetie but with more attitude and will fuck up your shit if he’s grumpy or if you’re wearing shoes with shoelaces. He doesn’t like that. He watches Netflix with me a lot and cries anytime theres explosions or gunshots in a show. He has so many chicken lady friends who he adores and he has fathered 4 chicks. I tried to train him to walk on a leash but he protested by laying down and refusing to move, so we gave that up after a while. He likes to guard me from cars and squirrels, and even plastic bags (which are his worst fear)

Quality rooster