So basically if you make most creatures a size they're usually not it is wrong in some way. A kobold or maybe even a funny doggy the size a building is just too much. Sure there are instances of it happening but it's rare and a source of much wonder confusion for how that happened. Now a dragon. You can basically make a dragon any size you want and it still makes sense. Is it 1 building big? That's normal. Bigger than a small moon? That's nature baby. A mere 3 grapes tall? Well that little critter makes an awful lot of sense now doesn't it? This is because basically dragons are like fish. you wouldn't dare tell a fish what it can and cant do,that would be absurd. the fish woudlnt even hear you because it is too busy chowing down on an delectable detritus it found. and dont even think of saying that to the dragon cause baby, the dragon is the fish's diner buddy and it's chewing louder than a lawn mower caught over a rock! you really should join in you know,its rude to stare
why is this getting notes
because its true
Dragon, like fish, is a nonsense term that doesnt ACTUALLY mean anything, which is why theyre both able to be anything!
"The magic system isn't explained properly" bro as if anyone these days understands how a computer works
Spellcasters hate this fact but if you just stick your fingers in their mouth while they're casting a spell with a verbal component it's literally more effective than a counter spell.
This also works with pinning their hands against the wall when they're trying to use somnatic components.
Basically if you make out sloppy style while pressed against a wall the spellcasters can't do anything
hmmm
Place: the Forest of Salami
changing elves from being assholes with a superiority complex and recharacterising them as just sort of weird guys that have an entirely different set of social behaviours to harken back to the days when people thought autistic people were a kind of fae for having odd behaviours. the entire reason why they dont particularly enjoy gatherings of men or dwarves or whatever is because they tend to be loud and the average elven social gathering is just a bunch of them sitting in a room in silence ignoring each other
like theyre still kind of mean but its more of them being blunt and lacking empathy rather than being condescending or purposefully malicious
my elven ass after spending 45 minutes in the pub with my dwarf friends:
I GROW WEARY OF MIMICKING YOUR OBNOXIOUS MANNERISMS TO ACCOMMODATE FOR THIS ENVIRONMENT. I WISH TO RETURN TO MY CHAMBERS TO REST AND SO I MAY PLAY SPLATOON 3 ON THE NINTENDO SWITCH. WE SHALL GATHER AGAIN NEXT HALF MOON AND I SHALL TELL YOU OF MY VICTORIES.
them:
okay man take care
you understand my vision
oh yeah have i ever told yall of the academic war i have been an unwilling soilder in for the past two years
okay SO. i have two professors that both teach this one subject, but different classes. they have different last names, so i didnt know this at first and espically since they are academic RIVELS at my school, but they are MARRIED. but for the past 8 years they have been in an academic WAR of geospatical sciences data. more accurately, the raster vs vector data debate. i am personally on the side of "both have their pros and cons and can be utalizied to the utmost efficency" but both professors are like, DEADLOCKED in insistanting one is better then the other
so, professor A is my mentor. i like him a lot, and he was the main person that taught me the most abotu Eris and ArcGIS. professor B is a professor i had one for class, and shes nice and knows a lot of little tricks about Eris programming but mostly relies on arcMAP because shes the raster data professor.
and THESE MOTHERFUCKERS. have written no less then 30 papers that is basically like a "re: re: re: re: re: re: vector data is better then raster fuck you" but like, Professionally. and they leave stupid notes in the footnotes that read "Reguardless of Professor A's opinions reguarding the efficency of Vector data, Raster data has a more efficant polygon computing rate and is the most commonly used program on interplantaring mapping" and its HILARIOUS
ive read all of their papers, and its basically like reading an email chain between a married couple arguing over the colors of the kitchen backsplash for their new home. its HILARIOUS. but obviously, because of their differnet last names and because they act like they HATE each other, NOT VERY MANY PEOPLE REALIZES THEYRE MARRIED
until like LAST WEEK
professor B publishes a paper that casually drops the word "husband"
and obviously all the students are like "oh i didnt know u were married!" because we read that shit like how white suburban mothers read People Magazine
and shes like "yeah, its Professor A"
and we all FLIPPED. THE FUCK. OUT
we thought the framed picture of the two of them on professor A's desk was ironic because hes that type of guy
like, you gotta undestand. these two have gotten into YELLING matches in hallways. these two refuse to go onto trips with each other. but apparently they have a system where they quite LITERALLY leave all of their work at work and drive home in seperate cars and literally NEVER mention work at home. it is SO funny
Occultists and sex workers are natural allies because we are both ideal background extras whenever a scene calls for an air of disreputable luxury.
direwoman
magicians 🤝 whores
shaping and guiding desire
Real Shit
One time a DM let me play a Venom inspired character where I played the host and my long distance girlfriend played the symbiotic alien. How we did this was set up a discord call where she could hear everything said at the table but I had one head phone in my ear and only I could hear what she was saying and if I wanted to respond I had to speak out loud. That was fun.
i love that motorcycles exist. like i'm genuinely so glad that someone was like "what if bikes were as fast as cars and could turn you into roadkill if you hit a pothole"
what if there was a vehicle so dangerous you had to wear armor to drive it
[being drunk] damn your are fangs sharp. what're your pronouns?
Hosing down my Werewolf gf because she got out again last night and slaughtered a small village. She's biting at the stream of water.
oh damn, okay, so literally last night i was talking with friends about how unrealistic the golden horse in tears of the kingdom is and how it feels like they were just trying to one-up the white horse in breath of the wild, and then i run across this post, do a tiny bit of looking, and—no really gold horses are actually literally a real-world thing!
I remember reading about this breed in horse books. They're indeed very very old (over 3000 years old) and come from the deserts in turkmenistan. The way their hair is built helps them with the extreme temperature changes in the desert.
They're tough, with high endurance and intelligence, friendly and sensitive.
stopping at an understaffed, overcrowded fast food restaurant while on a road trip and crouching over your phone with your chicken sandwich at a corner table like a weary adventurer eating a bowl of unidentifiable stew at a nameless inn, the only one for miles of moor and wood, taking in the chatter around you but speaking to none before pulling your cloak back up over your head and taking t' the road once more
Kicking the door in at a Popeye’s connected to a gas station to ask the most grizzled and battle-scarred customers to join me on a suicidal quest
Leaning over the counter of the TacoTime in Rexburg Idaho, asking if the 16 year old Mormon girl there has heard any rumors.
i'm the guy who writes the books that the protagonist in supernatural horror movies frantically reads somewhere in act ii. job's pretty easy. lot of "legends of vampires have recurred all throughout human history" and "demonologists agree that the quickest way to un-summon a demon is to trap it in a cursed object". no citations of course; they don't pay me citation money. i had to learn html back in the early aughts when everyone started seeking their supernatural info on websites they found via top search engines like FINDLER and WEBSIGHT but that's died down now which is great because i didn't have it in me to pick up css. currently working on a new book about horses that are evil. it's called HORSES THAT ARE EVIL in all caps so the protagonist can find it quickly to yank off the library shelf. it will be published 35 years ago.
candystrippers-deactivated20190
I had a very young kid with a hereditary heart condition come in today to be seen. My colleague excitedly told him that I play “that ‘dungeons and dragons’ game just like you do!”
The kid deadpans me with “I DM for 8 people who keep splitting the party, I think that’s why I’m really here.”
Relatable, kid, relatable.