self discipline is so hard like. i know the sucker who's in charge...a pushover who hates authority and loves hedonism

t shirt that says “ask me about the time loop” and i wear it every day

Current mood: Bob Belcher saying ‘oh my god’

reblog to enjoy a highly refreshing shirley temple with me 🍹

as an empath there are many bony fish species i can't make eye contact with because their emotions flood my brain at such high pressure it gives me nosebleeds but cartilaginous fish are no problem as 700 years ago i was a smalltooth sawfish

none of these words are in the Torah

i know they got fish in the Torah

Is that a swarm of locust in your pants or are your dick and balls just heralding the end of days

I asked my kids if they’d prefer a secret garden or a secret library and my son shook his head and was like “I don’t trust the secret gardeners and librarians”

Me: what if there aren’t any gardeners or librarians.

Son: there’s always a librarian. Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they aren’t there. And it’s a garden, there has to be someone taking care of it or it isn’t really a garden.

Me:

Me: this was supposed to be lighthearted

Daughter: don’t trust the secret librarian.

Son: any librarian who hoards a library to themselves is hiding something.

Daughter: /nods seriously/

Me: why are you two talking as if from experience should I be concerned

The kids are right Jazz

But what if I want to be the secret librarian?

Me: what if you were the secret librarian?

Son: wouldn’t be a secret library. I have nothing to hide.

Daughter: so not a secret librarian. A good librarian.

Me: you two are on a wavelength I can’t understand

What a way to find out your kids went on a whole-ass portal fantasy adventure at some point.

I can’t stop laughing at this 🤣😂🤣

It's the capital letter shouting that I love so much.

horrid little cat saved me from my devil's nap by putting her paw directly into my mouth

pov your sleep paralysis demon is very cute

oh this is not even CLOSE to the angriest chickpea looks. at any given moment she has the face of someone about to knife you for bread in the sewer. this is just how her face is! a selection of miss piss for your perusal:

i usually would never reblog a post and add commentary not in the tags but i feel like i have to share that in my middle school dare program they also did this and i wanted to know why police officers liked donuts but in my child mind i assumed that there were tons of people submitting questions so at lunch a couple of my friends and i all wrote "WHY DO POLICE OFFICERS LIKE DONUTS" over and over again and i probably submitted close to like 20 over the course of the week. when the cop came back he was like "we got some interesting questions this week, like, why do police officers like donuts, why do police officers like donuts, why do police officers like donuts, and why do police officers like donuts" and so on

there’s this photo of a dented car that’s always on my mind; let me try to find it and share

love; it’s everywhere you look 💕

I mean, treating yaoi as the opposite of yuri just doesn't make sense mathematically: boys are not the inverse of girls. The actual opposite of yuri would somehow have to involve fewer than zero girls, and that's not an easy thing to characterise.

It has been proposed in the notes that shonen anime, Hideo Kojima games, and police procedurals where all the women die by the end satisfy the criterion of having fewer than zero girls in various ways.

Identifying the common thread of these proposals, we may thus conclude that the opposite of yuri is Supernatural.

("Doesn't that just put us back at square one with respect to positing that yaoi is the opposite of yuri" well, no, because Supernatural is also, for unrelated reasons, the opposite of yaoi.)

the leftism leaving people's bodies when you tell them making fun of someone's appearance is always objectively scummy even if the person they're making fun of is bad

"lol are we really surprised that the dude who said eating puppies is good and morally correct looks like THIS" and then it's just a picture of a completely normal looking person who is fat or has acne or just in general doesn't meet the societally imposed standard of conventional "hotness," which is bizarrely being posited as an indicator of morality

im capturing my own tags here so that they can be saved with reblogs. because this post triggered an epiphany of self love that i needed today, and maybe it can do the same for others!

those are some gargantuan testes for a woman

Aphrodite’s Fat Nuts

Dyslexic adventures!

Follow me on WEBTOONS

The many forms of lighting. This may be my favorite.

just discovered something really good

I’m like a salmon. I’m always goin against the current. I’m tasty. I turn into a fucking freak of nature if I ever get horny. Bears want me.