A sentence I never thought I would read

how do i get abs without doing anything

Magic marker

From now on I am only accepting sexts in Dr. Seuss rhyme form

“What’re you up to?” His simple text said. “Just eating cereal and lying in bed.” “What if I was with you?” he responded with ease, “I guess I’d get more cereal if I please.” And that’s when he said it, that simpering lad, that stupid response that makes all of us mad. My mind filled with dread, with a twist in my gut, I picked up my phone and read: “Haha, and then what ;)”

people shouldn’t be shocked that bruce wants to fight superman like honestly catch him in the right mood and he’d fight his own reflection 

Her name isn’t Bruce her name is Caitlyn

do you really think this post is about caitlyn jenner……. what…….

This just in: Caitlyn Jenner is gonna fight Superman.

UNMUTE IT 

This is actually not loud. I am pleasantly surprised and giggling. 

“Woah, a shooting star.”

“Boy, I am a comet, not a star!”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, it happens all the time.”

original post [x]

this is the happiest day of my life

I’m not crying, it’s just raining on my face

From now on I am only accepting sexts in Dr. Seuss rhyme form

“What’re you up to?” His simple text said. “Just eating cereal and lying in bed.” “What if I was with you?” he responded with ease, “I guess I’d get more cereal if I please.” And that’s when he said it, that simpering lad, that stupid response that makes all of us mad. My mind filled with dread, with a twist in my gut, I picked up my phone and read: “Haha, and then what ;)”

no but what pisses me off is when parents dont let boys and girls hang out as friends like especially when it comes to sleepovers

like no i dont want his dick in me i want to sit on my floor and throw board game pieces at him when i lose

finally someone said it

You’re not hardcore unless you live hardcore

wow that’s a big squirrel

"white people can't dance"

then explain THIS

drinking tea now and then doesnt make you sophisticated it just means you like drinkign wet leaf

enjoy your fucki ng wet leaves

will you marry me = a marriage proposal will, you, Mary, me = a foursome proposal

Will you, Mary me = Cavewoman Mary helps Will recover from his Amnesia

Will, you marry me. = Will’s time-traveling partner

And people keep trying to tell me that punctuation isn’t important

SO TODAY I REALIZED THAT WHEN YOU GOOGLE SEARCHED “DOLPHINS IN TUXEDOS” NOTHING COMES UP SO I DECIDED TO PHOTOSHOP IT

AFTER PHOTOSHOPPING THE FIRST DOLPHIN, I DECIDED TO MAKE HIM A BRIDE, YOU KNOW, JUST BECAuSE

THEN I REALIZED THAT I DIDN’T REMEMBER WHAT HAND THE WEDDING RING WENT ON SO I DECIDED TO TEXT MY MOM AND

I COULD HEAR HER LAUGHING FROM MY ROOM

BUT THE N

I’MM CRYING

allthe5sosthings they’re flippin little dolphins

“A little bit of Monica in my life, A little bit of Erica by my side, A little bit of Rita is all I need, A little bit of Tina is what I see, A little bit of Sandra in the sun, A little bit of Mary all night long, A little bit of Jessica, here I am…”

If you don’t know this reference, you’re definitely too young for me. 

Lmao

WE ONLY USE LEASHES BECAUSE DOGS CANT HOLD HANDS

Dating me is literally a whole lot of

- bad jokes - even worse movies - cuddling - making out - you touching my butt - loud (good) music - long text messages and a lot more bad jokes

This boy I knew in high school had a black and white blog that was rather sad and when he met his girlfriend he started posting in color and I think that’s what love is

this is beautiful