SAME GENDER MARRIAGE PLANE FLIES IN TOTK

SKILL ISSUE

@agoodcartoon

checkmate homophobailures

What do you mean killing isn't an act of devotion

they call it committing murder because it's a commitment. it's a more serious commitment than marriage

my love language is touch but i have a heavy accent

Stop motion wood working

tool_tips

You can't just leave this in the tags

we’ve started feeding this tortoiseshell-point siamese recently. she’s beautiful, aside from the fact she has disturbingly big, bulging blue eyes. we’ve started calling her… ‘goop’

it’s goop!

GUESS WHO HAD GOOPLETS! SIX ENTIRE BABIES! mama goop held onto her gooplings for an entire week longer than she had to, so the gooplitos came out very well done and fluffy!!

nearly five years ago… since then, mama goop has aged significantly, and as she nears the end of her life, she’s been given a cushy retirement alongside her beloved husband, papa pumpkin. for everyone who remembers this post, the goop troop sends their regards

Spellcasters hate this fact but if you just stick your fingers in their mouth while they're casting a spell with a verbal component it's literally more effective than a counter spell.

This also works with pinning their hands against the wall when they're trying to use somnatic components.

Basically if you make out sloppy style while pressed against a wall the spellcasters can't do anything

Oh no I'm about to cast a spell if only someone would stop me

What was the point in animal planet airing those incredibly convincing fake documentaries about dragons and mermaids

If the aim was to convince incredibly gullible children that they were real it worked on me

I distinctly remember watching these and being like why is no one talking about this this is INSANE and then my mom had to explain that it’s fake

Sorry for believing animal planet. The channel that tells me facts about animals 99.9% of the time

my father was Absolutely Convinced the mermaid one was real and got Extremely Angry when anyone tried to explain that it was fake

I think we should let Ron Perlman burn a house down. You know, as a treat.

Thanks @ingdamnit for bringing this to my attention.

Here’s the uncensored transcript:

"But I will say one thing before I get off this. The motherfucker who said 'we're going to keep this thing going until people start losing their houses and their apartments.' Listen to me motherfucker. There's a lot of ways to lose your house, some of it is financial, some of it is karma, and some of it is just figuring out who the fuck said that. And we know who said that, and where he fucking lives. There's a lot of ways to lose your house. You wish that on people, you wish that families starve, while your making 27 fucking million dollars a year for creating nothing. Be careful motherfucker. Be really careful. Cause that's the kind of shit that stirs shit up. Peace out."

MOOD

love it when large women

in every sense. fat and/or muscular and/or hung and/or tall

did i tell u guys i got into an argument on twitter bc i said foxes are dogs and someone tried to bring up their actual fuckin. classification or whatever and i just said “foxes are dogs cause they are fluffye” and they kept arguing with me. the entire time i was like “you will not survive the immigration to tumblr you are lucky we are not there right now”

This is especially funny because they aren’t even right. Foxes *ARE* dogs.

No they aren’t.

yes they are. because they are fluffye.

OK yes they are.

Dog

Dog

Different family, but same order as @pictures-of-dogs

No, they are the same family. They are the same kingdom, phylum, order and family. They separate at the genus.

They’re a dog.

yeah they’re fluffye

theyre literally not dogs theyre not even fluffy. can we get science tumblr over hear or what!?

checkmate athiests

fluffye

okay but they literally are dogs, for those who are confused

If foxes are dogs, then so are wolves, coyotes, dingoes, jackals, and several other extant and extinct species.

Behold! A dog.

of course it’s a dog you buffoon. it’s fluffye.

Why on earth would someone think “BUT IF THEY’RE DOGS SO AR -”

Like yes of course wolves are dogs, where have you been. Jackals are excellent doggies! So are coyotes. Why is this confusing.

I love that this is literally two completely different arguments running simultaneously.

That guy up there who said they’re not even fluffy was thinking of sharks

sharks are also dogs. ravenous water dogs, but still dogs

Sharks can NOT be dogs they are SMOOTH

I cannot believe my dash did this.

Kate McKinnon getting her hair pulled by a pornstar

i actually cry at this

tag yourself. I’m Kate

Jesus almighty Christ I´m 2000% Kate.

Thank you Gay Jesus for this blessing

I know we’ve all seen this but we should all see it again

Reblogging for Nina Hartley (the pornstar), because she is pretty damn awesome.

Nina Hartley, porn star AND director, sex educator, sex-positive feminist, and author. She also graduated from her university magna cum laude. 

( but also always reblogging for Kate McKinnon, <3 <3 )

@qualapec

It’s a cool place, and they say it gets harder

You’re bundled up now, wait ‘til you get better

this is the best smash up yet

Great news, Smash Mouth posted a link to this on their facebook and twitter.

this is now eggfficially a Smash Mouth sanctioned remix

mentally can’t distinguish it from the original

Pour one out for the homies

fights I would pay to see: sigmund “everyone is attracted to someone” freud vs John “sexual desire is evil and cereal can and will fix it” Kellogg

Asked my mom who both has a MA in psychology and currently works for Kellogg’s to weigh in for the hell of it

enemies to lovers 500K slowburn

is this orange or yellow.

its yellow you are all wrong i have decided just now

hey op, what does this say?

nice try but i’m not colorblind it says 71

Am I tripping?

Is that not 71?

You’re slightly colorblind, that is 74 and the color of the car is orange.

world heritage post

It’s orange

it’s literally 71

Bestie it’s 74

Y’all it clearly fucking says 21

where are you getting that from?

Babes it’s 81 what r yall seeing

its 74 bestie you might be colorblind

That 81 person can see shrimp colors

I took exactly the same image, increased the saturation, and shifted it to a part of the spectrum most people can see better.

For all your no-YOU-have-the-weird-color-vision argument-solving needs.

Also, the car is orange.

Come on Tumblr, don’t be fucking cowards

Alternatively -  come on nameless intern #102, you have a chance to be the fucking funniest person on staff.

cowards

Time for manual blazing, tumblr can be a coward but they can't stop us.

"my friend from England" "my friend form Ecuador" "my friend from Australia" "my friend from Brazil".. me talking about my mutuals who I've never spoken directly to

hate to say it but the key to having things solved by big company customer service is you just gotta stretch the truth with them. or straight up lie. actually. was on the phone for 3 hours because they sent something to the wrong address and spoke to 10 different departments trying to figure out if anyone could go fucking get it and they're like "uhhh but can you go get it" bitch I'm 8 hours away by car, I don't live in the house where you sent it.

took a moment to think, called back and was just like. Hi. My package was stolen off the porch!!! Saw the cunt steal it myself!! Anyway can you please send new things to this other address for free since that's your policy for stolen goods thank you~☆ ! and it was immediately solved.

actually my tags are too good not to include

follow me for more customer service tips and tricks

THIS is how it's done!!!

when we were teenagers, my best friend once asked a telemarketer whether the magazine they were selling was available in braille. i’ve never been more proud of her 

Unrestrained summer fun

This is strangely soothing.

Worst thing ever in the whole world is when a thunderstorm is forecasted and then it doesn’t storm. literally so rude I was excited for this all day.