Frog and cranberries it must be fall.

Frog and cranberries it must be fall.

Frog and cranberries it must be fall.

Frogs and cranberries it must be fall.

so has anybody’s dad ever actually apologized to them, or is that just an urban legend

Once when I was 9 my step dad opened the refrigerator door and hit me in the mouth with it, then said “Sorry your face was there”. That counts right. 

it's my god given right as an american to not be hassled by the liberal nanny state chime and be thrown clear through my windshield

gods help us

when the cgi for your $200 million dollar budget movie looks worse than the annoying orange

so my family went to the tulip fields and my little sister didn’t have a good time at all

WHY IS THAT ONE FUCKING TULIP A DIFFERENT COLOR I WOULD BE UPSET TOO

it is the chosen one

it must be the main character in the anime

It got funnier when I realized just how many tulips are in this picture.

“In a world where tulips were yellow, one dared to be different…”

Every spring this picture comes back around and every spring I crack up

at first you just see the row of tulips in the foreground, and it’s funny

then you see the rows stretching back for yards and yards, and it’s even funnier

DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU ARE THAT TULIP

God dammit I looked for this picture FOREVER today and I couldn’t find it no matter how many ways  I googled “Girl visibly upset by tulip”.

look I don’t want to tell anyone what to do but if you go down that path you will wake up a thousand years later and all your great-grandchildren will be dead

But I get a thousand year nap out of it?

That’s not the intended use Sir

But I get a thousand year nap out of it???

Photos Showing That Angle Is Everything.

this is pissing me off

this shit made me mad

Whoa

This man, can we just look at this for a minute…? The angles are cool and all but this guy??? How fucking strong are his calves and his fucking core for that matter???? How did he do this??? What the fuck????

2020 will be the year of telling people that your name is short for something ridiculous

For example I’ll be telling people that maddy is short for mad max: fury road. my friend dexter has to start telling people that it’s short for dexterous. If your name is AJ you have to tell people that your full name is animal jam. if your name is Jack you had better say that it’s short for canis adustus, the African side-striped ‘jack'al. The name meg is short for mega man or megalomaniac

My nametag at work says “Sam” and every time someone asks if it’s short for Samantha, I tell them no, it’s short for Samsonite. 

from now on your tumblr nickname is whatever you get from this sexual identity generator  ☆

No offense these are the funniest fucking tags

I got “stabby gay”. Yeah, that’s about right.

swashbuckling Stately Homo of England?

You put the cheese on the wrong cereal you fucking animal

There’s no right cereal to put cheese on

Grits are considered a cereal so I must respectfully disagree

I read that as “Girls are considered a cereal” and it took this post in a very different direction

Every god damn time I see this post I go “Hahahaha...wait shit where IS my birth certificate?”

when hozier said “with my mid youth crisis all said and done, I need to be youthfully felt cuz god I never felt young”

additionally, when hozier said “we tried the world, good god, it wasn’t for us”

“due to personal reasons i will ____” is so fucking funny because it implies both that whatever you’re doing is some kind of self care AND that it’s nobody else’s goddamn business 

Type “Due to personal reasons I will” and let your phone predict what you will

Due to personal reasons I will be on the floor yesterday

“Due to personal reasons, I will be a bear who eats bears who eat bears.”