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The Chronicles of a Penguin

@prestopenguin

Robin. Hobbit. Penguin. Demi pancake. Dead inside a glitter suit. They/them Art tag- dew does art

Red Hood: *sneezes once in a meeting*

His children goons: Boss? Boss are you sick? Do you have a fever? Do you need a cold compress? Do you need a hospital? Are you dying?! PLEASE DON'T DIE!!!

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Red Hood: Nah, been there, done that.

His newest child goon: I’m sorry, what?

His eldest child goon: *looks up and sighs* Okay, come on. I’ll explain it to you.

Twenty minutes later

Newest child goon: Ah, so that’s why we have so many clown piñatas.

Meanwhile

Red Hood: No, for the last time, I don’t need to go to the hospital!

The self-assigned middle child goon: But if we don’t go we don’t get lollipops or stickers!

Red Hood:

Red Hood: I will buy you both of those in bulk if you drop this right now.

Middle child goon: Done.

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Thinking about ND Stevenson having to squish his way into having catra and adora being in love but only in a subtle way until the last season, having to weave their romance so thickly in the plot so that the higher ups wouldn't get to cut it out, only being allowed to have catra and adora kiss in the very last episode. And now.

Now he got to show us a couple of men who say they love each other right from the start of the movie, who act affectionate and were clearly a couple from the start, who yes only kissed in the last minutes of the movie but not because they "weren't allowed" to do so before, but because it fit the story and their reconciliation and it was the right moment for them to kiss

I know people on tumblr looove stories of underwater cave diving, but I haven't seen anyone talk about nitrogen narcosis aka "raptures of the deep"

basically when you want to get your advanced scuba certification (allowing you to go more than 60 feet deep) you have to undergo a very specific test: your instructor takes you down past the 60+ foot threshold, and she brings a little underwater white board with her.

she writes a very basic math problem on that board. 6 + 15. she shows it to you, and you have to solve it.

if you can solve it, you're good. that is the hardest part of the test.

because here's what happens: there is a subset of people, and we have no real idea why this happens only to them, who lose their minds at depth. they're not dying, they're not running out of oxygen, they just completely lose their sense of identity when deep in the sea.

a woman on a dive my instructor led once vanished during the course of the excursion. they were diving near this dropoff point, beyond which the depth exceeded 60 feet and he'd told them not to go down that way. the instructor made his way over to look for her and found a guy sitting at the edge of the dropoff (an underwater cliff situation) just staring down into the dark. the guy is okay, but he's at the threshold, spacing out, and mentally difficult to reach. they try to communicate, and finally the guy just points down into the dark, knowing he can't go down there, but he saw the woman go.

instructor is deep water certified and he goes down. he shines his light into the dark, down onto the seafloor which is at 90 feet below the surface. he sees the woman, her arms locked to her sides, moving like a fish, swimming furiously in circles in the pitch black.

she is hard to catch but he stops her and checks her remaining oxygen: she is almost out, on account of swimming a marathon for absolutely no reason. he is able to drag her back up, get her to a stable depth to decompress, and bring her to the surface safely.

when their masks are off and he finally asks her what happened, and why was she swimming like that, she says she fully, 100% believed she was a mermaid, had always been a mermaid, and something was hunting her in the dark 👍

I've only seen gifs of nimona so far BUT dear jod, they've woobified that man (ballister blackheart)

look at him. they've chucked him in the worsh and run it on power blast. they've caused a worldwide poor little meow meow shortage (used it all up on him). just look at those big soggy eyes. SUCH a scrungly scrimblo blorbo. I want to wad him up like a wet paper towel.

with the new movie not enough people are appreciating the sheer divorcedness of ambrosius and ballister in the original comic and we Need to fix that

can you believe these men invented gay divorce

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In December, 2020, in the depths of pandemic winter, the actress Kimiko Glenn got a foreign-royalty statement in the mail from the screen actors’ union, SAG-AFTRA. Glenn is best known for playing the motormouthed, idealistic inmate Brook Soso on the women’s-prison series “Orange Is the New Black,” which ran from 2013 to 2019, on Netflix. The orchid-pink paper listed episodes of the show that she’d appeared on (“A Whole Other Hole,” “Trust No Bitch”) alongside tiny amounts of income (four cents, two cents) culled from overseas levies—a thin slice of pie from the show that had thrust her to prominence. “I was, like, Oh, my God, it’s just so sad,” Glenn recalled. With many television and movie sets shuttered, she was supporting herself with voice-over jobs, and she’d been messing around with TikTok. She posted a video in which she scans the statement—“I’m about to be so riiich!”—then reaches the grand total of $27.30 and shrieks, “WHAT?”
The post got more than four hundred thousand likes and nearly two thousand comments, many from disbelieving fans: “Wait how is that even legal??” “how is this even real you were on one of the biggest netflix shows.” This past May, with screenwriters on strike and labor unrest sweeping Hollywood, Glenn reposted the video on Instagram, where she has almost a million followers. This time, not only fans but castmates weighed in. Matt McGorry, who played a corrections officer: “Exaccctttlllyyy. I kept my day job the entire time I was on the show because it paid better than the mega-hit TV show we were on.” Beth Dover, who played a manager at the company taking over the prison: “It actually COST me money to be in season 3 and 4 since I was cast local hire and had to fly myself out, etc. But I was so excited for the opportunity to be on a show I loved so I took the hit. Its maddening.”
Television actors have traditionally had a base of income from residuals, which come from reruns and other forms of reuse of the shows in which they’ve appeared. At the highest end, residuals can yield a fortune; reportedly, the cast of “Friends” has each made tens of millions of dollars from syndication. But streaming has scrambled that model, endangering the ability of working actors to make a living. “So many of my friends who have nearly a million followers, who are doing billion-dollar franchises, don’t know how to make rent.”
Despite the Beatlemania-like fame, many cast members had to keep their day jobs for multiple seasons. They were waiting tables, bartending. DeLaria continued doing live gigs to keep up with her rent. Diane Guerrero, who played the fashionable inmate Maritza Ramos, worked at a bar, where patrons would recognize her.

These are just some highlights, but the entire article is worth a read, especially if someone you know is (or you are) so deep into watching celebrity culture that you’re having a hard time understanding why actors could possibly want more than they’re getting now.

the idea of gay dads post-nimona movie ending is so funny to me because imagine you're ambrosius and you and your husband adopted this little shapeshifter that just found your husband one day and your child looks at you and tells you that she had a baby gay relationship with your great-great-great-great-great-etc-grandmother about a thousand years ago like id be so distraught /hj

Working at a movie theatre and a male coworker being like ugh all these guys being forced to dress as Ken for their girlfriends but every couple I see is just beautiful excited girls and their absolutely adoring boyfriends looking at them glowing in the sunlight from the theatre sunroof in the popcorn line and like

This is why you don't have a girlfriend man. Men in fact love and adore their partners wake up we love men sound in their masculinity

Imagine if timey wimey shenanigans happened and Bruce got de-aged to before he lost Jason. He takes one look at his giant of a second child and goes "my🥰son🥰".

Damian is flabbergasted and also very jealous. Not only has he never met a version of his father that is so openly affectionate, but also, he can't believe Bruce is giving Jason so much attention. Damian is FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE.

Dick and Tim take one look at Bruce and go on vacation to TT. That is a Bruce that a) has been fighting with Dick and b) does not know Tim. They do not have the emotional range to deal with him.

Jason is both soaking up the attention and running away from it. He has no idea how his brothers convinced him to stay at the Manor with Bruce, but now he can't leave. The one good thing about the whole situation is that he can brag to Damian that Bruce loves him more.

(Jason has been trying to contact Dick and Tim for a week. None of them have picked up their phones. They are playing air hockey in the Tower. Jason hates them.

Dick asks Tim whether they should return home. Tim gives him a look and Dick's all "You are right.")

listen it’s all obviously a trans allegory and all obviously beautiful and gutting because of it, but can we talk about the moment when they get back from the quispy dragon fight and Nimona says, they’ve taught little children to hate me, and “I don’t know what’s scarier…”

and Ballister’s immediate reaction upon seeing the depths of her anguish, of the way she’s been cast aside and made to feel like worse than nothing, made to want to just DIE, is not to doubt or pity her but to say, Nimona, we are getting you out of here. This situation is bad for you. I don’t care what it costs us, we’re getting you away from this, we’re leaving, together.

Never mind that Bal’s entire world is within these walls, never mind that he was literally JUST saying he thinks leaving the walls of the city is incredibly dangerous. He’s getting her the fuck out of here.

just saw Barbie so here are some (non-spoilery) highlights:

  • ken becoming DEEPLY obsessed with horses
  • MULTIPLE highly choreographed dance numbers that last for several minutes
  • kens job is beach
  • a tween calls Barbie a fascist (?????? ok screenwriters)
  • mojo dojo casa house
  • kens big mink coat having a HORSE THEMED LINING
  • i know we were deeply obsessed with the outfits but good god. the OUTFITS.
  • extensive Barbie lore
  • Barbie’s heart to heart with a lovely old woman
  • the kens building a wall
  • beaching one another off
  • KENS SONG THAT HE SINGS FOR LIKE 5 MINUTES
  • like twelve executives on one tandem bike
  • depression Barbie
  • ALLEN
  • i am kenough :)
  • gynecologist.

beautiful beautiful deeply camp coming of age story with layers and so much life. ive gained twenty new sewing projects from the opening shots of Barbieland alone. made my gf cry. 20/10

How many times do you think Goons have offered to leave their bosses and work for the Bats? I'm just imagining Red Robin having a half-dozen petty crooks promise to work for him so long as he keeps them safe from the Penguin and he just sighs and directs them to the Red Hood.

Goons: Please, I don't want to be evil anymore! Let me join you, I bet you have dental!

Robin, sighing: You want Hood. He'll help you file the paperwork.

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Tim: Uh, why’d you just Venmo me $6,000?
Jason: Oh, that’s just your commission for this month.
Tim: My what now?

Steph now has pamphlets on hand to distribute to any goons who show even the slightest interest and has funded her entire college education from this.

Cass demands payment in ice cream, baked goods, and steak.

Damian tried to argue for kittens but settles for homemade dog treats and bladed weapons.

Dick didn’t know this was a thing until one of Hood’s guys calls him because Nightwing was listed as a reference.

Duke went out and got full-on hired by Jason and now Bruce is trying to dissuade him from including being a recruiter for Red Hood as work experience on his college application.

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