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Peace Will Win Fear Will Lose

@prestigious-rule7269

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realitybeingmade

Before I fall in love again…

1. I want us to be friends. Which means, I want to be able to eat my favourite cheese crust pizza with you, while having cheese all over my face and even in my hair, without feeling embarrassed or concerned about it.

I want to be comfortable with you, I want to be okay about being messy, irritating, embarrassing, disgusting, petty while with you. Because I will be petty when I see my ex best friend post a happy picture and I will be messy during my finals and I will be embarrassing when I meet your parents for I suck at meeting parents. I want to be okay with being the way I am and the only way to be okay is to know that you’re okay with me being things other than beautiful, graceful and composed at all times.

2. I want to be able to have long and passionate conversations with you not just about existential things but also about what went wrong in the ending of that book and how kids are affected by media and how tomato basil combination always works. I want to have conversations where we may not always have the same views but our fundamental values always fall in place. I want to talk to you about the beauty of the stars but I also want to talk to you about the disgusting mentality behind certain societal norms.

3. I want to see how consistent your actions are with your words. I don’t want to fall for love letters or poems, for sweet Instagram captions or long birthday texts, I want to fall in love with you showing up on time and keeping your promises.

4. I want to take it slow. I want our story to work out in years, not months. I want to respect time and space this time.

5. I want to make sure I am not seeking love from you for the lack of love I have for myself. I want to make sure you aren’t a void I am filling in, you are not an alternative to the things I can’t give myself. I want to make sure you are not doing the same.

6. I want to work out with my insecurities and fears from the past. I don’t want to project them on you, I don’t want to subject you to the doubts, suspicion and anger I carry from the people I have known in the past.

7. Before I fall in love again, I want to make a mattress with you. Of understanding and respect and trust. So when we fall, it doesn’t hurt

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Kiss her slowly. Take your time, there’s no place you’d rather be. Kiss her, but not like you’re waiting for something else, like your hands beneath her skirt or shirt, or tangled up in her bra straps. Kiss her like you’ve forgotten any other mouth that yours has ever touched. Kiss her with a curios childish delight. Laugh into her mouth, inhale her sighs. Kiss her until she moans. Kiss her with her face in your hands. Or your hands in her hair. Or pulling her closer at the waist. Kiss her like she’s the brightest star you’ve ever seen. Kiss her like the first and last piece of chocolate you’ll ever taste. Kiss her until she forgets how to count. Kiss her stupid. Kiss her silent. Pull away, and ask her what 2+2 is and listen to her say your name in answer.

N M H (via nxshah)

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