LISTEN. all I want is a Big Strong Girlfriend and a Fancy Foppish Boyfriend is that SO MUCH to fucking ask. and they're both taller than me.

I want to tenderly bandage my boyfriend's finger as he tearfully recounts how he got a paper cut while our girlfriend drags home the deer she caught with her bare hands to lovingly feed us through the cold, cold winter. What's so fucking hard to understand.

You may be wondering what I contribute to this hypothetical polyamorous thruple, and the answer is quite simple. I'm the one with a job.

OMG That is so cute!!

Also the reason that the cat did this is actually because they are mirroring their owner. If their owner treats the thing (or in this case book) with respect and has made it very clear with their actions that the thing is important the cat will take notice and mirror this behavior!

Great addition! However, this is actually because the cat is Muslim.

do you think the porn bots ever accidentally message each other and end up in an endless loop of sending each other virus links

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my breaking bad retrospective

skyler version

in my brain theres a pettiness scale that measures my actions before taking them where “this is petty, i shouldnt do this” is on one side and the other is “this is the equivalent of shooting a rock you tripped on with a hand gun” and that means i have to do it

peace and love are virtues rage is an artform

if you try looking for a post using the tumblr search function it will never show up. but you know what will? a reader x character fic

heartbreaking: local thing has to leave the house even though it is so tired and sleepy and full of joint pain

If Jonathan Harker was blogging this shit online, people would tell him to get his CO levels checked bc that sounds a lot like carbon monoxide poisoning

Master Grimbender's Necromancer dungeon reviews

Average rating: ⭐⭐⭐ 3/5

💎 Danethehero

⭐⭐ 2/5

Barely any loot, too many skeletons, final boss way too easy

🦇 Bat beast

⭐⭐⭐⭐ 4/5

Many dark place to sleep... Many bug to eat.. Very good very good.. Wish bone people were more quiet.. 4 Star.

💀 Skeleton8448576

⭐ 1/5

Master Grimbender doesn't pay us and our provided weapons are insufficient. Cobwebs in my ribs all the time. Don't work here, serve a witch instead

🕷️ Spider

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 5/5

This place fucking rules I love crevices

wizards is an animal

yo @wizardsisananimal you hear about this shit?

somebody get @wizardsisananimal on this, stat

uh oh!! time to call in the bug guns!!! @wizardsisananimal !!!!!!!!

big guns i meant big guns

@wizardsisananimal i meant big guns not bug guns. but bug guns would be pretty cool but i meant big guns becaude you invented the animal

bug guns would be pretty sweet too i think.

sorry got distracted for a moment, has anybody @'d @wizardsisananimal though wanna make sure they get eyes on this

yeah i'll do it

@wizardonline you seen this?

no i hadn't, thank you.

very nice image btw.

Gamers. Depression

Guys I found the cure for depression it’s actually when your girlfriend buys you a cake because you’re sad and you take a giant bite out of it like an animal

your stomach acid is lonely feed it entire french press full of undiluted cold brew

hey gu🐇ys wait what was that.

many helpful reports from our teams in the field

Smile Bomb

Okay, how the hell. This is THE most crystal clear version of Smile Bomb I’ve listened to, and the creditless opening video is also like SHARP, like holy shit this is as if it were released TODAY type of clarity and it’s messing with me.

It’s not your job to figure out people and why the mistreat you, your responsibility is to get out of harm’s way and start doing what’s right for you.

Always reblog

As a former zookeeper we would hear this a lot. “If you don’t study hard you’ll end up cleaning poop for a living.” It’s the one time we’re allowed to go off on the visitors. I once heard my boss rant for five minutes at a lady, in front of her kids, about how he had a Master’s degree, how people literally worked there for free, and how dare she judge people without bothering to know anything about them. Later that day his boss came by and said, roughly, “She told us what happened. Thanks for not throwing anything this time.”

I can count on one hand the amount of times I have gone off on people, but employment snobbery gives me the rage. I was showing the new kid how to use the fry scoop at McDonald’s “.. like this, and then just sort of hold it perpendicular and give it one tap..”

And the new kid sniggered “isn’t perpendicular a bit of a big word for McDonald’s?”

Something in me was just so annoyed by this 16yr old who was learning to work right next to me and somehow felt above us? Fuck that shit. I pointed at the people just on the floor and went off, “she’s a 4th year law student, she’s the primary career for her terminally ill daughter, he raises 100,000 for charity every year, she manages 3 stores and more than £16mil in turnover a year. What the fuck do you do?”

He just sort of mumbled “I didn’t know”

“you shouldn’t have to know, you’re not better than us. So. You tap it once and then move it here to release…”

“I didn’t know.”

“You shouldn’t have to know,”

yes to all this because workers can be educated and intelligent, but also, even if workers are formally uneducated or dont know big words that doesnt mean they arent equally deserving of respect

Zookeepers bust their asses shoveling shit and feeding apex predators so you can stare at an elephant without flying to Asia or Africa.

Fast food workers bust their asses surrounded by hot ovens and boiling oil so you can get food quickly without having to make it yourself or even learn how.

Janitors bust their asses cleaning up the most vile things humans can do to a public room so you don’t have to tiptoe around human waste everywhere you go.

Mail carriers bust their asses going door to door in near-fatal heat/cold and have to deal with the possibility of getting attacked by your poorly-trained pets so you don’t have to drive to the post office every single day.

Warehouse workers bust their asses making sure YOUR latest Amazon crap doesn’t just disappear into thin air.

And retail workers bust their asses coddling and picking up after you like your parents because none of you know how to read a price tag or stop deliberately miss-shelving things you never wanted.

But sure, go ahead and act like you wouldn’t be dead in a week without these people.

all religion is true but all the different gods are fighting each other so they ignore us

this is like, one version of an idea where reality is the integral across all possible worlds. and the actual world is all the parts that don't cancel out. or something.

Combative Demiurge Pantheism

There's faggot shit happening in the abandoned megastructure