🎵 I say, we can dance, we can dance Everything's out of control We can dance, we can dance We're doing it from pole to pole 🎵
I LAUGHED SO HARD
Film meme: [4/5] romance » 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU (1999) I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you’re always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you’re not around, and the fact that you didn’t call. But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
THINGS TO LOOK FOR IN A MAN FOR MY VERY BEST FRIEND MINA: A LIST BY LUCY
-Handsome
-Rich
-Good birth
-Doctor
-Smart
-Sole medical provider at an enormous asylum for the mentally disturbed
An ongoing list of the recent “Tumblr Men”:
- the legendary pirate Blackbeard (1680-1718)
- the first man to ever have to come out as straight
- Jonathan Harker from Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel Dracula
Next I predict we’ll be obsessing over Jonas Salk, inventor of the polio vaccine.
im singehandedly repairing jewish-goyische relations through my outreach with my facebook friends
I briefly forgot there were normal humans named Elijah and wondered why this person thought they were getting messages from Actual Prophet and Messiah-Herald Elijah the Tishbite.
….yeah me too.
Me three.
Imagine getting visions of someone else’s holy prophet and having to text your friends like “….what am I supposed to do with that?”
“hey he’s back did you study this”
Getting a message from a prophet telling you to do things and instead texting your friends “wtf is this?” is very, very Jewish.
lmao glad it wasn’t just me being like “did you leave out an extra good glass of wine for Elijah this year or something?”
hannigram as that one twitter interaction i can't stop thinking about
[image: tweet by thefourthvine, transcribed below:]
Extremely concerned that the response to #DraculaDaily on my timeline:
Non-lawyers: Jonathan, RUN
Lawyers: I have never seen such an accurate depiction of the first few years of practicing law
Listen. It is one billion percent true. And here's the thing. I've been a lawyer for a while and can tell you that I've been in some BONKERS situations, have simply gone "welp, gotta push through," then LATER AND ONLY LATER gone "**chuckles** I was in danger..."
It does not get better the longer you practice... If anything it's worse now.
Dracula: THIS MIRROR IS AN ABOMINATION, YOUR BLOOD IS A THREAT, BE CAREFUL OR GRAVE DANGER WILL COME UPON YOU. *DISAPPEARS MYSTERIOUSLY AFTER
THROWING THE MIRROW OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW*
Jonathan: wow that’s really annoying good thing the bottom of my shaving pot is metal or I’d be stuck with this unattractive beard. wonder if Mr. Count Dracula will be able to sneak up on me completely unseen again, what a neat trick
I think the funniest possible modern textual adaptation of Dracula would be Jonathan as a part time recipe blogger and you have to scroll through 10 paragraphs of the most harrowing thing you’ve ever read in your life just to get the recipe for paprika hendl
I thought the funny part about Dracula was that the characters didn’t know they were in Dracula but so far it looks like Jonathan Harker exclusively doesn’t know he’s in Dracula and everyone else has a pretty solid idea of what’s going on
so at a used book store a couple months back i found an annotated copy of dracula, and now that dracula daily is a thing, i’ve finally gotten around to reading it.
they have the fuckign. chicken paprika recipe that knocked out our boy johnny.
now you too can upset your mild-mannered stomach so badly that you have fever dreams of a sexy haunted castle
#Steven Grant, Ray of Sunshine
so mad that our takeaway from the mask thing hasn't been "wait, so we could have been getting like 80% fewer colds and viruses this entire time?"
We really just accepted that "yeah, every several months we just feel like shit and do nothing but lay in bed for a week while so much snot pours out of our face holes that we have to keep 27 wads of tissue within arm's reach" even though the solution was not only simple and easy but also offered infinite possibilities for fashionable accessorizing. I hate it here
i'm never going to stop wearing a mask in the winter time because 1) colds and flu, obviously 2) my lips don't get chapped and bleed in the winter anymore. This is revolutionary. 3) it's actually just common sense to wear a badass goth wolf skull mask in your day to day life??
now I can wear whatever clothes I want and people will still know I'm cool and goth
"oh no everyone not getting the flu for two years is going to make people's immune systems weak and flu season will be worse!"
1) that's not how the immune system works. 2) masking killed some strains of the flu because there was no one to pass it on to. we have the ability to MAKE VIRUSES EXTINCT with masks but oh noooo we have to worry about a piece of fabric on our faces. spare me.
emily’s 1k followers celebration ➥ @his-name-is-ed asked: 💖 FAVORITE OFMD EPISODE
EPISODE 7: This Is Happening #this episode has it all: scurvy, badass nuns, treasure hunting, cooked snake, PINING, family trauma, and a petrified orange
“Well a cockroach can survi—” yes but for how long, and to what end? “Can” is not a good metric for “must.” And also? People aren’t fucking insects.
