You Aren’t Boring I Just Suck At Conversations I’m Sorry: a novel by me
I’m Not Ignoring You I Just Don’t Know What To Say: a sequel by me
I Feel Like I have Nothing Interesting To Say So I Don’t Say Anything At All And I’m Really Sorry Don’t Stop Talking To Me: the trilogy.
my favorite part of scooby doo tho is when daphnes glamour and materialism somehow helps solve the mystery
Ok but if she knew she was allergic why tf you gonna risk your entire arm instead of just touching it with one finger?
Because daphne was and always will be that bitch
I’ve never understood people who make those sorts of jokes. I identify with this cartoon enormously.
John Mulaney, a man who is iconically known for loving his wife, after being told by Jerry Seinfeld that his wife only thinks shes good at something
Well done OP, you’ve managed to capture the moment John’s spirit left his body
Jerry’s lucky that John is too polite to throw hands
Okay but I just went and watched this for myself and it’s WORSE
He’s. So uncomfortable. It’s obvious. I cut out the part where John kind of muttered, “That is true, isn’t it” about how all men think they’re funny, but his face is just screwed up in this ‘oh god what have i done what have i signed up for this is not good and this will probably go into my next comedy special of awkwardness’
Just watched this omg bless john bc jerry just keeps trying to do some “take my wife” bullshit and john very politely goes no, no.
proud of John for restraining himself from murdering a man on camera
What’s so horrifying about this to me is that this is literally Jerry Seinfeld trying to teach John Mulaney how to gaslight his wife.
Look at that dialogue. “She thinks she knows.” He’s trying to get Mulaney to see his wife’s expertise as instead a weird misperception. He’s coaching him to undercut his wife’s confidence in the truth and her own abilities.
And Mulaney replies exactly the right way: “She does know.” He asserts not only that she’s perceiving the world accurately, but that she is an expert at something he’s not good at.
Dudes, don’t take this shit from other dudes. Mulaney isn’t by any means perfect but he aced this. Stand for the truth. Defend women’s objectivity. Promote women’s expertise.
someone knocked on my door and they were wearing a red hat. i didnt answer cuz i was scared it was donald trump
what if it was mario you utter fool
A. imagine your otp
B. dear gods this country has massive issues
I’ve been looking for this post for ages
listen, I’ve read enough fanfic to know that they’re not getting divorced, but it’ll take about 35k of pining to figure that out.
After everything that happened in Ragnarok, imagine Thor hearing about Steve and Tony’s fight and being like “Really?! Thats why you all stopped working together?! Just get over it! I did! I’m still friends with Loki and he’s betrayed me three times since breakfast! This petty mortal shit is nothing!”
Loki: “Can confirm, poisoning his mead right now.”
Thor: “Ha! I’ve built up an immunity.”
Now I feel I was cheated on Civil War
Steve: “Well, we disagreed about this big political thing, and I mean big - almost every country in the world was involved.” Thor: *nodding* “Right.” Steve: “So we started to fight, I mean really fight. We each had about half a dozen friends backing us up.” Thor: *nodding* “Always best to bring your friends along” Steve: “And by the end, it was just me and Tony, and we… we really pounded each other…. no holding back.” Thor: *nodding* “The most honorable way to fight” Steve: “So now we’re not friends anymore.” Thor: “… you lost me.”
a game show where a toddler has to choose between a cheque for a million dollars or a small basket filled with $8.14 worth of dollar store toys and in the corner of the tv you can see their parents in a locked sound proof room watching from a screen and screaming the whole time
People need to STOP looking at me
Mood since I was 12 years old
tony has probably told peter parker he can call him tony and peter is just always like okey dokey mr stark
Obviously I want you to take care of your pets and make sure they get food and fresh water on a regular basis, but cats being huge drama queens and screaming hysterically at you and acting like they’re tragic famine victims who haven’t eaten in weeks and are about to drop dead from starvation right mcfuckin now, because you’re 10 minutes late feeding them is always going to be one of the funniest things to me
the cat who lives at the vet clinic i volunteer at was mad yesterday because his dinner was half an hour late due to a busy day. he proceeded to go to all the (empty dw) garbage cans and tried to knock them over and started desperately scavenging for scraps of food because obviously no one loves him or cares about him and if he must eat garbage to survive then so be it
not food related, but one time my cat cried at me for 20 minutes before i worked out that the reason why she was upset was because there was a coat hanger on her favourite cushion
This is absolutely beautiful and changed my life, thank you so much. Please protect her from hangers at all costs
wow. am STORVING and humaines here making joke laugh at cate honger ?!
My cat is a social eater who is not food motivated at all, so I was baffled when I first got him because he didn’t seem to care about food but he would SCREAM at me for hours when I knew his bowl was full. Any time I went to double check that he did indeed have food, he’d book it to the bowl and snarf like his life depended on it, but as soon as I walked away he’d follow me screaming again.
Eventually I figured out that he just wanted a dining companion and was screaming about how we’re a family and families eat together, god damnit! I moved his food bowl under my computer desk and it fixed the problem. But if I’m ever out for more than 12 hours I’ll come home to find him in a passive-aggressive kitty huff because dinner has been ready for hours but he’s been trying to be considerate (unlike some humans) and waiting for me to eat it.
My cats are indoor cats. Being indoor cats, they can’t go outside to hunt for food (mice, rats, birds, etc) to gift to my sister and I.
But they know that the kitchen has food. They know where the easily accessible cat food is. And obviously my sister and I are just Really Big Stupid Hairless cats.
So if my sister and I go without leaving our rooms for too long? My cats will sit outside our doors and scream for our attention, lead us to their food bowls, and then only stop the screaming and leading once they see us sit down at the table and eat something. Because they think we’re hungry.
Your cats are the sweetest beings on the Earth, it makes my heart warm knowing that they exist. They love you very much and they care so much, they want you healthy and happy and will make sure you don’t neglect yourself and oh god they are so perfect. Real pure love exists, I am happy to be alive today.
My neighbor is a hardcore drunk. Like, 9am and dude is drinking vodka, but he had a cat that’s pretty much his honest to god caregiver because I have seen this cat visibly screaming at this man to keep him from hurting himself and sometimes when he hasn’t been outside for a while, the cat will scream at my door until I go outside to knock on the door to check on him. Cats are literal angels.
I have a cat named a Kitty Pryde who has an extra thumb and these giant paws and while she’s not super bright she did learn that she likes being pet. So I must like being petted right? So if I’m watching TV alone she’ll come up and just with her giant paw gently stroke my arm or hand until I pet her back and she waits and pets me again and it goes on a while. Cats are angels.
My cat once stuffed my bath mat into the litter box
good homeopathy: i use lavender because it smells nice and helps me sleep
bad homeopathy: i use lavender and it smells so nice that i stop getting vaccinated
good homeopathy: increasing fruit and green leafy vegetables in my child’s diet might help them beat leukemia
bad homeopathy: chemotherapy drugs are full of toxic chemicals so I’m gonna cleanse my child with this tea for 2 weeks
Yall sound like elitist assholes who spend more time judging people they dont know than they do researching substances
I am terminally ill and venting about salespeople that try to scam me and my friends at medical conventions but go off I guess
…i did not expect to be touched while skimming a reddit thread on fetish origin stories
that dudes fetish is called: being a loving and caring dude
when something’s kinda rad, but not too rad
I fucking hate this website
Kindness is a practice and a discipline.
