“hi welcome to mcdonalds what can i get for you?”

“yeah can i get a deluxe quarter pounder with cheese?”

“absolutely, do you want the meal or just the sandwich?’

“uuuuuh hold on”

*fishes something out of my pocket*

“mikey what do i do?”

“get the fries. youll need the energy in the coming days”

*stuffs it back in my pocket*

“uhh yes please  the meal would be great”

serious question: can anyone else see this post? am I hallucinating?

NEVER. EVER. GIVE. UP.

sign her now 

This made me cry

(via striderepiphany)

this one is never not funny

when you walk down the aisle to kiss your wife for the first time

later that night when you get to kiss her in your PJs

do you know what literally drives me up the fucking wall?

I’ve been laughing at this stupid fucking video for 30 minutes

Yall sont understand this is the funniest thing ive experienced in weeks

I ALMOST CRASHED ON THE FREEWAY BECAUSE I REMEMBERED THIS AND WAS LAUGHING SO HARD

EVERYONE NEEDS toWatCH THIS IM cRYIGN

OH MY GOD WHAT IS LIFE.

I was laughing so hard I was crying not kidding rn

This appeared again and I didn’t even need to watch it to start laughing

Why is this so funny

i know every single word to this video up by heart

this makes me so happy

I don’t understand this…is this heterosexual ?

new boot goofin

@polarcolonist

Bla Bla Bla [x]

He wants to talk with the family so much

such a smooth velvety voice

he’s talking about his day

hey luke, you wanna eat this cupcake?

OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE

How to get ready in the morning

Step 1: Stay in bed as long as you possibly can. 

Step 2: Speed run. 

me: time for sleepy :)

my garbage body: hot hot hot no cold no HOT bad bad, throw up??? no, hungry, NO remember that mistake you made at work. Internalize it. Never forget. Back hurt yes headache YES hot yes roll over r-RA RA RASPUTIN, RUSSIA’s GREATEST LOVE MACHI-