225-million-year-old petrified opal tree trunk located in Arizona.

starting a collection

Punch Sibling (1x/long rest).

my gf just ripped some ungodly ass that had my eyes watering i mean absolutely noxious it was so bad i made her leave the bedroom until she was done and i opened the window and shoved my head out so i didn’t throw up breathing in the tainted air of our once peaceful bedroom.

anyways once it dissipated and i got back into bed she walked back in and looked me in the eyes and said “sorry for farty rocking 🥺”

this is what she looked like

Streamer who says "And now just a little break for an ad read, sorry guys, brb" and then they just pull out a newspaper and silently read some of the ads while scowling because they don't enjoy this, occasionally muttering "That's not even a good deal" and then calmly folds it back up and starts playing again.

call my girl's hole the car door the way i'm slamming my penis in it

youre in her dms. im in the marginal scholia of her primary manuscript next to a drawing of a rabbit riding a snail. we are not the same

Holding the laptop’s power button down because it’s crashed and there’s no other way to turn it off feels so unsettling. It makes me feel like I’m holding a cushion over its face while the life slowly ebbs out of it.

One of my favorite genres of post

i love it when male biographers talk shit on women for rejecting their male biographees bc the misogyny inevitably goes so far it turns into homoeroticism naruto-style

like how dare she reject the proposal of a weird guy who was 20 years older than her and constantly flat broke and always going on extremely life-threatening naval exploratory voyages. what a shallow evil bitch. i wouldn’t have rejected him. he was a good man. he had a soft touch. i wish he’d touch me softly. i wonder if in the dark antarctic night he ever felt his heartbreak so keenly he contemplated the comfort of another man’s arms. i could have been that man. anyway magnetic readings were taken at

somehow instead of saying "as a treat", I've started using the phrase "for morale", as if my body is a ship and its crew, and I (the captain) have to keep us in high spirits, lest we suffer a mutiny in the coming days.

and so I will eat this small block of fancy cheese, for morale. I will take a break and drink some tea, for morale. I will pick up that weird bug, for morale.

I'm not sure if it helps, but it does entertain me

We are adopting this.

I honestly like this so much better. No shade... use the word you want, but the idea of “treats” always kind of fell in the same column as “guilty pleasures” for me as if you’re bad for enjoying them or don’t deserve them. But for morale? That shit is on the books, friend. You plan to give yourself something nice. It’s in your rations because you deserve it -and- you need it. It’ll help you keep going. Love it. Keeping that one.

I’m Christian and respect the order of creation as God intended it but I’m not gonna lie if I could take a massive vat of agar and grow an alive shopping mall made out of red blood and meat and feed it living human bodies to make it expand larger with more shops and amenities, Without hesitation, Without question I would do exactly that

i just feel at home on this website

Me, in the summer heat, taking 2 points of fire damage every second: aeugh aeugh aeugh ough eough ough eaugh

idk I just personally think that getting chills from music is the best part of being alive. like when a song is so good you can feel it in your whole body. that's why I'm here.

Normies talking about getting whiplash from recipe blogs. You know nothing

Fresh new sitcom idea: a spinoff of Modern Family but it's 1536 and the dissolution of the monasteries is in full swing. The patriarch is a secret Catholic and is hiding this from his long suffering wife and children. The guilt is eating him alive but he puts a brave face on things and has a reputation for being a total lad, a real joker, a good-time guy. Spoiler alert: they're all secretly Catholic but hiding it from the others. The family is tearing itself apart at the seams. Secrecy lurks beneath every punchline. It's a fun-filled series of heartwarming, wacky japes, set during the reign of terror of Henry VIII.

Me: makes a post which I'm pretty pleased with, solely on a lololol level

@rubiscothegeek: just casually adds the funniest fucking thing I've ever read as a reply

Working title Mass Appeal

All three priests are played by Danny DeVito in different wigs