BRB.

I'm back.

did you remember to pick up the milk?

Oh no! I forgot.

…I’ll always reblog the frog.

Counterpoint: Matsumoto Hoji, active c. 1875

That’s a compelling counterpoint

real

What if it bites me and it dies?

that means you’re poisonous. jesus christ, nate, learn to read.

What if it bites itself and I die?

It’s voodoo.

What if it bites me and someone else dies?

That’s correlation, not causation.

what if we bite each other and neither of us die

that’s kinky

oh my god

this is still my favorite text post collaboration ever

I’m always saying this 👆🏻💯

Beauty Commercials (2000s).

new favorite command

this as a loop in an ambient techno track

Our two year-old daughter recognizes Columbo and she just saw him and yelled BUPPO 🥺🥺🥺💕

Reblog if you had a Tumblr for 5+ years

My favourite toy is my: beenneebabe I like it because: it is sofd

They. They forgor

You wouldn’t understand

is now a good time to mention that the woman in the screenshot literally runs rotatingsandwiches.com

name your baby boy gargoyle. do it for me. and if its a girl... hmmm... name her gargoyle

“that character is problematic” i am sick and twisted. next

“that character is irredeemable” god i hope so. i hope they get worse

shrimps is bugs

Hey,tumblr staff....dont recommend me scantily clad dainty women posing coily? I dont want to see thag

fuck you heres thag

ABCDEFGHI KLMNOPQRSTUVWXY

24/26

I think my favorite bit i do with customers is when white women are like ‘i dont know what to getttttt’ and i hit them with the ‘you should be bad~ 😈’

Saying ‘you should be bad!!’ In like Gay Voice to a white woman at starbucks has like the same psychological impact as going like ‘who’s a good boy?’ To a dog. It makes them so excited in a really endearing way.