Recognizing emotionally mature people
Taken from Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D. A summary of the tips the book hands you on how to recognize emotionally healthy people.
They’re realistic and reliable
They work with reality rather than fighting it. They see problems and try to fix them, instead of overreacting with a fixation on how things should be.
They can feel and think at the same time. The ability to think even when upset makes an emotionally mature person someone you can reason with. They don’t lose their ability to see another perspective just because they aren’t getting what they want.
Their consistency makes them reliable. Because they have an integrated sense of self, they usually won’t surprise you with unexpected inconsistencies.
They don’t take everything personally. They can laugh at themselves and their foibles. They’re realistic enough to not feel unloved just because you made a mistake.
They’re respectful and reciprocal
They respect your boundaries. They’re looking for connection and closeness, not intrusion, control or enmeshment. They respect your individuality and that others have the final say on what their motivations are. They may tell you how they feel about what you did, but they don’t pretend to know you better than you know yourself.
They give back. They don’t like taking advantage of people, nor do they like the feeling of being used.
They are flexible and compromise well. Because collaborative, mature people don’t have an agenda to win at all costs, you won’t feel like you’re being taken advantage of. Compromise doesn’t mean mutual sacrifice; it means a mutual balancing of desires. They care about how you feel and don’t want to leave you feeling unsatisfied.
They’re even-tempered. They don’t sulk or pout for long periods of time or make you walk on eggshells. When angered, they will usually tell you what’s wrong and ask you to do things differently. They’re willing to take the initiative to bring conflict to a close.
They are willing to be influenced. They don’t feel threatened when other people see things differently, nor are they afraid of seeming weak if they don’t know something. They may not agree, but they’ll try to understand your point of view.
They’re truthful. They understand why you’re upset if they lie or give you a false impression.
They apologize and make amends. They want to be responsible for their own behavior and are willing to apologize when needed.
They’re responsive
Their empathy makes you feel safe. Along with self-awareness, empathy is the soul of emotional intelligence.
They make you feel seen and understood. Their behavior reflects their desire to really get to know you, rather than looking for you to mirror them. They aren’t afraid of your emotions and don’t tell you that you should be feeling some other way.
They like to comfort and be comforted. They are sympathetic and know how crucial friendly support can be.
They reflect on their actions and try to change. They clearly understand how people affect each other emotionally. They take you seriously if you tell them about a behavior of theirs that makes you uncomfortable. They’ll remain aware of the issue and demonstrate follow-through in their attempts to change.
They can laugh and be playful. Laughter is a form of egalitarian play between people and reflects an ability to relinquish control and follow someone else’s lead.
They’re enjoyable to be around. They aren’t always happy, but for the most part they seem able to generate their own good feelings and enjoy life.
– © Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, Lindsay C. Gibson, Psy.D.
20 funniest expressions in French
1) On est pas sortis de l’auberge We’re in a mess (litt. We’re not out of the hostel) Ex: On a encore trois dossiers à remplir, on est pas sortis de l’auberge
2) Faire quelque chose les doigts dans le nez To do something easily (litt. To do something with the fingers in the nose) Ex: Ils ont gagné les doigts dans le nez
3) C’est culcul la praline It’s childish/ridiculous (litt. It’s ass-ass the praline) Ex: Léa est super fan de HelloKitty, c’est culcul la praline
4) En faire un fromage To make a big deal of something (litt. To make a cheese of something) Ex: Victor a perdu et il en a fait tout un fromage
5) Etre copain comme cochon To be best friends (litt. To be as friends as pigs) Ex: Depuis l’année dernière, Matthieu et Valentin sont copains comme cochons
6) Ne pas pousser Mémé dans les orties Don’t push it (litt. Don’t push Grandma in the nettle) Ex: Tu m’en demande trop, faut pas pousser mémé dans les orties
7) Etre con comme un manche à balai To be an idiot (litt. To be as dumb as a broom) Ex: C’est pas possible, Thomas est con comme un manche à balai!
8) Devenir chèvre Becoming silly (litt. Becoming a goat) Ex: Elle me fait devenir chèvre
9) Etre sur son 31 To wear elegant/fancy clothes (litt. To be on one’s 31) Ex: Je me suis mise sur mon 31 pour le mariage de mon frère
10) Tomber dans les pommes Fainting (litt. To fall in the apples) Ex: Michel est tombé dans les pommes quand sa fille est née
11) Il y a quelque chose qui cloche There’s something wrong (litt. There’s something ringing) Ex: C’est trop silencieux, il y a quelque chose qui cloche
12) Avoir le cafard To be sad (litt. To have the cockroach) Ex: Depuis que Marine l’a quitté, Mattéo a le cafard
13) C’est la fin des haricots It’s the end of everything (litt. It’s the end of the beans) (almost always used ironically) Ex: L’Equipe de France a perdu, c’est la fin des haricots!
14) Coûter les yeux de la tête To cost an arm and a leg (litt. To cost the eyes of the head) Ex: Le nouvel iphone coûte les yeux de la tête
15) Arriver comme un cheveu sur la soupe Entering a situation at a bad time (litt. To arrive like a hair in the soup) Ex: Raphaël est arrivé dans la conversation comme un cheveu sur la soupe
16) Metrre son grain de sel To give an unsolicitated opinion (litt. To put one’s seed of salt) Ex: Sophie m’énerve à toujours mettre son grain de sel de partout!
17) Faire la grasse matinée To sleep late in the morning (litt. To do the fat morning) Ex: Après la soirée d’hier, j’ai fait la grasse matinée
18) Avoir un coup de foudre To fall in love instantly with someone Ex: Louis a eu un coup de foudre pour Jade
19) Sauter du coq à l’âne To jump to a new topic in a conversation without any transition (litt. To jump from the rooster to the donkey) Ex: Il passe du coq à l’âne pour éviter d’avoir une conversation sérieuse
20) Etre à l’ouest Don’t understanding the situation (litt. To be at the West) Ex: Le nouveau stagiaire est complètement à l’ouest