“The most important day is the day you decide you’re good enough for you. It’s the day you set yourself free.”
— Brittany Josephina
loved one: i have a problem
me a machine built to solve problems: great here’s the solution
loved one: im so fucking emotional about the problem
me: i have the solution
loved one: i get so angry. i’m frustrated
me: i am holding the solution in my hand and showing it to you
lloved one, yelling now: the universe is indifferent
me: solution
#the trick here is that the problem actually has two parts: #one part is the problem itself #the other is the emotional distress and feeling of loneliness generated by the problem
#and counterintuitively you have to take care of that second part FIRST #because otherwise—as you point out—they won’t be able to absorb the solution #so step one is going ‘i love you i’m so sorry this is happening to you i love you’ and listening to them for a while
#and then once they remember that they’re not an island of misery in a sea of nothingness #you hit them with the solution (proposed gently so that it doesn’t seem like you’re trying to shut them up about the problem) #it’s probably going to feel weird to do it but I guarantee you it works
It is the most important lesson in interpersonal communication to learn:
Your friends and loved ones aren’t stupid. They can think of solutions. They have tried different things. They have lived this experience, and you have heard two sentences.
You are there to listen, empathize. If you have lived experience, sympathize.
Problems are often not easy, but at least they don’t have to be lonely.
“Something I learned about people. If they do it once, they’ll do it again.”
— lomasdope
“As you can see, I survived without you.”
— Blair Waldorf, Gossip Girl
“Forgive me if I don’t talk much at times. It’s loud enough in my head.”
— Unknown
I know, Angel. I know it too well…
I GET THOSE ALLLLLL THE TIME!
ENCANTO'S "WE DON'T TALK ABOUT BRUNO" OFFICIALLY BEAT FROZEN'S "LET IT GO" ON THE BILLBOARD HOT 100 CHART AAAAAAAAAAAAAA BYE GIRL BYE
When is a monster not a monster? Oh, when you love it feels loved - Caitlyn Siehl
you’re allowed to be upset and hurt and angry. you’re allowed to know you deserved better. you’re allowed to mourn what you could have had. part of healing is allowing yourself to feel those “negative” emotions and accepting them.
It’s harder to convince an idiot that they’re an idiot than it is to convince an intelligent person that they’re an idiot
“The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, but the things you do for others remain as your legacy.”
— Kalu Ndukwe Kalu
“A little rain is nothing compared to the storm I grew up in.”
— Mandy K., Constellation of Sadness