Meanwhile, in Ashford, Daphne’s had enough of those SMUG FLUFFY TAILED BASTARDS
ATTENTION, PEOPLE OF COLOUR: Remember, if you want to say something’s racist, you need to check it with Duncan from Northampton first.
“Actually, climate change is good.”
#Daily Mail#Climate change#Actually#The planet turning into a burning cinder#Is good#CHECKMATE SCIENTISTS#Okay so there might be more storms#And droughts#But#Think of the positives#Britain#Mediterranean climate#Yes Mike but#Think about this#In this scenario#What’s the actual Mediterranean like?#Thick as absolute fuck#People like Mike get to vote
Bernard, is it possible your English Master back in 1952 was not, in fact, a fearless defender of freedom of speech and was actually just a massive fucking tool?
UPDATE: The Tory party is woke now
Great to see the Daily Express letters page leaping so wholeheartedly into the “Actually, gruel is good” stage of the discourse.
#Daily Express#Cheese sandwich#High expectations#That’s right#Britain in 2023#Where a cheese sandwich#A CHEESE FUCKING SANDWICH#Is an indicator that you’re aiming too high#Porridge#That’s all you get#Gruel#Once again#For anyone wondering#This is 2023#TWENTY TWENTY THREE#The problem#Christine I know what the problem is#And my only regret#Is that I don’t have enough phlegm to spit in the eyes of everyone like you
“Hello, is that customer service? Good. I’ve got a problem…and before you ask, it’s not a bitch.”
“And as I stood there in that long queue, for much longer than I needed to, I reflected on how I had really shown them who was boss.”
#Daily Mail#Because of course it is#Supermarket#Queue#Self-scan#No-one says you need to do that#But you can#It’s an option#Politely offered to you by the person working at the shop#You showed them#Well done#That’ll learn ‘em#It’s a no from me#Said it before and I’ll say it again#And again#People working in retail#Deserve MEDALS
“People say ‘police state’ and ‘torture’ as if they were bad things, but…”
“I could drive a train.”
#Daily Express#Trains#Train drivers#I could do that#How hard can it be?#Green means go#Red means stop#Common sense#Speaking as someone with impostor syndrome#And a constant negative internal monologue#And no self confidence#I’m actually kind of jealous of this level of utter self belief#I mean he’s a fuckwit#But he’s a CONFIDENT fuckwit#Who never worries or doubts himself
FRAGILE MASCULINITY: Amazingly, it looks like this one is still single. Form an orderly queue, ladies!
CORONATION: Geoff from Eastbourne very generously taking account of human rights there.
Getting terminal lung cancer, diabetes and losing your home to a gambling addiction to own the libs
UPDATE: Children not being hurt is woke now
AMAZING: Hugh’s managed to contradict and argue with himself in one 25 word sentence.
#Daily Express#Cigarettes#Smoking#Ban#Black market#People would still use it#So to be clear#Banning sales of a substance in wide use#That’s a bad thing#Cannabis#Legalisation#Hang on#Banning that#And allowing a huge black market to form#That’s okay#Hugh I’m confused#Not as much as you are I think#But definitely confused