damnselfly-b-deactivated2022042
quick protip: if someone is crying or freaking out over something minor, eg wifi not connecting, can’t find their hat, people talking too loud, do NOT tell them how small or petty the problem is to make it better. they know. they would probably love to calm down. you are doing the furthest possible thing from helping. people don’t have to earn expressions of feelings.
I’m just gonna put it out there that if someone’s freaking about something small, they’re really freaking out about something big that they’re trying to deal with, or something long term that’s been building up, and that little thing is the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I don’t know, try and give people the benefit of the doubt. Don’t be the next straw on their broken back.
jdkaplonski
Needed this today.
People don’t actually go from 0 to 60. If you think they did, you have failed to notice how long they’ve been at 59.
ponygirl-izzy
there’s also just those of us who get angry/upset at small things, like those of us with autism or adhd. we experience emotional dysregulation, which means we are not sure how to properly handle our emotions, or experience them in different ways than others do. we don’t have built up stress or anger, but rather we genuinely are having that reaction to that small problem because we don’t know how to control our reactions like others.
steps to deal with someone having a Major Freakout over a Minor Thing:
- Express genuine sympathy for their feelings. “This must be really upsetting, I’m so sorry this is happening” type statements - try not to sound like you’re just following a script; use compassionate language appropriate to your level of rapport with the person.
- Ask them to help you understand what the problem is if it isn’t already clear, or if it seems like they need to vent about it. “What happened?” is enough - open-ended is good. Continue to reiterate expressions of sympathy as needed. Don’t over-probe if it seems like talking about it is overwhelming.
- Offer to help them plan out solutions - again, keep this open-ended. “Do you think there’s anything we can do to fix it?” or a similar question works well - using “we” shows you’ll help and support if they need it without taking agency from them. If it’s not a problem that can be fixed, ask a question geared towards redirecting them towards coping (e.g. if you’re very close offer a hug, tell them that it’s okay to vent to you, perhaps gently encourage deep breaths if you can phrase that delicately) or other alternatives - “Is there maybe something else we can do instead?” etc.
- Be prepared to take no for an answer. Offer to give them space if they need it. If they’re getting upset with you, go ahead and give them that space even if they don’t ask for it - “Okay, I’ll be over here if you need anything, just let me know.” Getting angry is a natural consequence of being upset - if they get angry at you, just take it as a sign they need time to cool off and re-approach later. Don’t hold it against them, but do remove yourself from the situation before you make it worse.
- Re-approach once they’re calm and talk about what happened. Let them know you aren’t mad at them, even if they reacted poorly, and talk with them about a plan for if something like that happens in the future.
source: literally trained in de-escalation
Anonymous asked:
what is your opinion on boys?
fun to bite and tie to train tracks sometimes.
mistakes are so normal and human and inevitable and necessary and real. if i make one however please put me to death
Midnights 🌃 — We lie awake in love and in fear, in turmoil and in tears. We stare at walls and drink until they speak back. We twist in our self-made cages and pray that we aren’t about to make some fateful life-altering mistake. For all of us who have tossed and turned and decided to keep the lanterns lit and go searching, hoping that just maybe, when the clock strikes twelve…we’ll meet ourselves.
