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PocketFullOfShinyRocks

@pocketfullofshinyrocks

Call me Moss, Jul or Levi [ |87
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pocketfullofshinyrocks
beemovieerotica
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beemovieerotica

PSA: bot comments are taking over ao3

The above examples have been provided with the authors' permission to demonstrate what these look like.

Basic rundown:

  • They are all 3 sentences long
  • Perfect grammar, capitalization, and punctuation
  • Like absolutely flawless English teacher-style writing with only a single exclamation mark, ever
  • No mentions whatsoever of character names, settings, situations, or anything that could be tied to the story
  • The usernames may be identical to people who exist on ao3, but the name is not clickable, and no profile is associated with it EXCEPT when you directly search for that name. What this means: the comments come from an unregistered (not logged in) reader, bots scrape the site for real usernames, attach that to the comment, and post

Please spread the word about this so authors can filter comments and report them accordingly

There has been some speculation about why this is happening at all, and the best guess is that this is a feature that AI-training story-scraping tools are implementing to try and make their browsing traffic look legitimate

pocketfullofshinyrocks
jigokuhana
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gatorbeast

these are all the same sort of animal. do you understand.

these are all small skittish creatures that love to bite and are found in drawers of garages and classrooms. they’re all related and in the same small biter family. weird little kids who play with them while they’re distracted and have empathy for them can tame them and become these beasts companions

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melodramaticwolf

Thank the Lord someone understands

pocketfullofshinyrocks
scpdragon
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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

I know I’ve said this before but vampires

  • don’t show up on camera
  • can fly/scale walls
  • immune to bullets
  • can break into any safe by turning into fog or some bullshit
  • could probably hypnotize security guards as needed

therefore I am in dire need of a heist film where a group of vampires band together to steal back their old stuff from museums

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theonewiththesoks

Oceans 1100 AD

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bleachedshadow

Very interested in the hardest part of this beign the vampires trying to trick someone into granting them permission to enter the premises earlier in the day

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

I feel like this has several simple solutions!

  • they enter the museum while it’s open to the public (and the Welcome sign is on display). they turn into bats and hide in the rafters until the museum closes. the only hiccup is when the overhead announcement comes on and politely requests all visitors leave for closing. the vampire are forced to flee, but come back the next day with tiny bat-sized earplugs.
  • downside: this requires going out in daylight, leading most of the team members to show up in long black victorian formalwear, complete with lacy parasols, which they insist on carrying with them throughout the entire heist (much to the frustration of the team leader, who just wore sunscreen and a raincoat).
  • depending on how invitations work, it is possible any random human can invite them in. one of the vampires gets their Ultimate Frisbee buddy Oakley to tag along and invite them in after closing.
  • downside: the gang spends the rest of the heist gently mocking the idea of a vampire playing association ultimate frisbee (“so what, you turn into a bat and catch it with your fangs? do they make you crawl up the wall when it gets stuck on a roof? if you turn into a cat to get it down from a tree, do you end up stuck in the tree?”) this ends in a Climactic Twist Ending when Oakley reveals they don’t play ultimate frisbee, just dog park frisbee. In the sense that they met when the vampire transformed into a wolf to gatecrashed a game at the local dog park.
  • (Bonus points if Oakley is a werewolf. extra bonus points if this is revealed in a post-credits epilogue where, on the next full moon, the entire gang transforms into creatures of the night and joins Oakley at the park for a frisbee game of Bats vs Wolves)
  • Final option: to gain legitimate entry, an invitation is needed from a museum employee. this presents two possibilities:
  • the vampires pretend to be incredibly rich eccentric patrons who want a private nighttime tour of the museum. (this is convincing due to the fact they are rich and incredibly eccentric.) the vampires get inside, planning to hypnotize the Curator supervising their tour.
  • downside: they immediately discover the Curator has been left immune to hypnosis by years of post-grad exposure to droning history lecturers. the vampires leave their least competent member to distract her while they carry out the heist–in the ensuing 90 minutes, the vampire and the curator accidentally Fall In Love after bonding over their shared fury about british archeological theft.
  • (In the sequel they get married and spend their honeymoon robbing the British Museum in order to return sacred objects to the cultures from which they were stolen. this is made more complicated comical by the fact vampires are unable to interact with holy objects. also, they are lesbians.)
  • alternatively: the gang simply bribes a security guard into letting them in after closing. the security guard then tags along, offering helpful advice for disabling alarms and transporting antiques. it turns out Security Officer Greer only applied for the job bc they too were planning an Elaborate Acrobatic Burglary, but then their partners quit to join Cirque du Soleil and “I can’t exactly perform a Double Cartwheel Birdie Flying Trapeze Boomerang Special without a partner.”
  • downside: the gang becomes too attached to ask Greer to leave. They carry out the heist as intended, but this time pretending to be circus performers to explain their vampire powers. Turning into a cloud of smoke to bypass locks? Magicians never explain a trick. Spider walking across ceilings to bypass alarms? Contortionist. When it comes time to fly from roof to roof, they decide turning into bats would give away their secret, so instead they help Greer, in a sparkling moment of triumph, execute the perfect Double Cartwheel Birdie Flying Trapeze Boomerang Special!
  • Greer and the gang escape (by tightrope walking) into the night with all the plunder they can carry. Tearfully, the gang begins to say goodbye (bc they can’t keep up the pretense of being circus performers forever) when Greer casually asks how a bunch of vampire ended up working in a circus.
  • (Greer assumed from the beginning they were vampires, because of “how you dress, how you talk, and mostly because none of you showed up on camera back in the CCTV control room. Why did you think it took me so long to let yall in?”)
  • I cannot for the lives of me decide which synopsis I like best

(all ideas shared on this blog are public domain, feel free to go nuts. you can find more story ideas like this on my ko-fi)

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses
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marzipanandminutiae

my one critique here is that a curator would never simply loot the British Museum for repatriation. that would cause massive legal trouble for the countries they were trying to repatriate to, satisfying though it would be

no, the curator and her vampire wife have to infiltrate the British government and mind-control them into changing the bullshit laws that prevent any artifact deaccession from the museum

(they are aided by a crack team of British Museum employees, equally fed up with the Colonialist Nonsense)

pocketfullofshinyrocks
scpdragon
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laskulls

person: reanimating corpses for use in battle is unethical

necromancer: I am recycling

person: now someone has to go and fight the corpses

necromancer: I am also, consequently, creating jobs

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laskulls

you laugh, but some necromancer is out there setting up a PowerPoint presentation

pocketfullofshinyrocks
plaguedocboi
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tooies

it should be 100% legal to go in abandoned buildings. like nobody is using it for anything why can't i go in

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felipe-kuso

Isn't this how you get murdered?

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tooies

no. it's how you get poisoned by mold or crushed by broken floorboards or whatever but there aren't murderers just hanging out in every abandoned building like cockroaches

pocketfullofshinyrocks
scpdragon
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kaijutegu

If you see this post you have to say happy birthday to my lizard

She is ten* now!

She loathes the party hat

but she LOVED the cake.

She is very good and very beautiful and loves people and attention and going on walks.

She is my best friend and I think everybody should say happy birthday to Kaiju!

*Approximately. She was about one when I got her, and I’ve had her for nine years, so we’re calling her ten.

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pocketfullofshinyrocks

Happy birthday

pocketfullofshinyrocks
plaguedocboi
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quasi-normalcy

Actually, I want to do a study of regret rates for Harry Potter-themed tattoos versus regret rates for gender confirmation surgeries, because my naive suspicion is that the former are considerably higher at this point.