i love my silly little internet friends hey silly internet friends if you see this. i love you

does anyone else have a deep underlying sadness that never truly goes away and probably never will or is that just me haha

it’s not going to get better for me

not acting on suicidal thoughts is so damn hard what stops me at times is what if i’m not successful at suicide

@tysktisk/instagram

i think ive found actual love again and its odd. i thought i’d found it last time but with hindsight, the only reason i felt i could fully be myself around that guy was because he was almost never paying attention to me. pretty easy to act like myself when i know he’s glued to a video game screen while shouting with his friends on discord. i dont have to water down my love anymore. and its been so long since i could love freely without worrying that im being too much. i was anxious the other day about going to his house and i finally broke and told him that i am frustrated with myself for not being able to do more, but mentioned that at least i can do some things now… he said that with what i’ve told him so far, he knows i’ve come a long way. he said he was proud of me. i havent ever heard that before in relation to my anxiety. he sees that i’ve come so far and he’s proud of me. i actually cried when he said that. i have been holding myself together alone for so long. it’s such a relief to find someone who loves like i do, with my entire heart. 

Prinz Pi - vielleicht