I hate that I can go from suicidal to being perfectly fine within seconds. In my heart I know that I truly do not want to die but in that second I literally don’t care. I spiral and spiral and spiral, further and further into the depths of my mind and it’s as if I cannot escape myself; how can you run from your own body? Your mind, your thoughts. How do you learn to re-wire something that feels as though it’s constantly unraveling? Being borderline is so fucking exhausting. I want out of my body.
I know I need a lot of confirmation.
But when I ask if you love me I really need to know.
I seriously have no idea. I need any kind of proof, cause I can’t feel it.
I can’t tell my thoughts from reality.
i’m sitting here and i’m just thinking like has anyone actually ever liked me? i feel like people just use me for a period of time until they find someone way better and then i just get left. i don’t think anyone feels excited to talk to me or i’m anyone’s first choice, i’m just the background character in everyone’s life
blackcoffeeana-deactivated20211
Common bpd triggers:
- Criticism of any kind - Invalidation of their feelings, what they're going through - Cancelling plans last minute - Lack of attention/not enough support - Being interrupted when speaking - Lack of enthusiasm when talking about something you're happy about - Being called selfish, manipulative, crazy etc when showing symptoms - Rejection of any kind - Abandonment "jokes" - Someone yelling
Often times doing/saying these things can intensify bpd symptoms and cause episodes which can result in self-harm, suicidality, self destructive behaviors and more. Please be cautious and careful of what you say and do. Be kind and understanding.
mental health tips i wish i’d been given before starting university
- trying is much more important than succeeding
- 10 minutes of studying > not studying at all
- being a college student is more than academics. it’s also learning how to enjoy your own company, learning and occasionally screwing up meals, wandering outside campus like a tourist, questioning your ideals and presuppositions, discovering new talents and skills for the hell of it, and SO much more. if you feel burnt out in one dimension of college life, that’s a sign to spend some time relishing in another dimension.
- if you need more time, take a deep breath and shoot that email to your professor/TA asking for an extension. at worst, they say no. and don’t stress over properly explaining yourself/your situation. hell, just email them: “Hi, Professor. I need your help. Sincerely, y/n.” all it takes is that one initial reach out and the rest will follow.
- failure does not reflect character. read that again. remind yourself as often as you see fit because at one point or another, you will feel like you’ve failed. it’s growing pains. once you’ve accepted that, learn to view any setbacks as a hint that you need to try a new method/approach. didn’t do well on that math quiz? don’t beat yourself up over it–instead, regroup with yourself and see which metaphorical gear got stuck in your personal learning process machine. for instance, maybe you used flash cards and that wasn’t really your style. act like a detective, not a bully.
- THERE IS NO NORMAL TIMELINE FOR YOUR COLLEGE CAREER(!!!!!!). a lot of people need more than 4 years, a lot of people need 4 years, and a lot of people need less than 4 years. and every single one of those timelines are valid. the worst thing you could do is squeeze the living hell out of yourself into some rigid schedule that is incompatible with who you are and how you learn. trust me when i say u will find yourself doing the best work when u do it at YOUR pace.
Cate Blanchett in Carol (2015) dir. Todd Haynes
these photos of Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara on set of Nightmare Alley....... literally a Carol sequel.