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Passive-Aggressive Party-Pooper

@play-the-yellowcard

This is a place where I reblog things that make me laugh. Or smile. Or exhale sharply. Follow my sideblog @2forstitching
For all kinds of cross stitch, embroidery, knitting, etc.
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porkue-deactivated20230306

the circle of fifths is absolutely everything.

everything about music is in this image

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porkue

harmonies are defined by this circle. The farther away a note is from another the more dissonant it is. Take C for example. F and G are right next to it, and they sound beautiful when either is played with C. But on the opposite end is F#, the tritone, the devil’s note. It is more dissonant than if you played two notes right next to each other on the piano. If you move clockwise from C, the first four notes after is are G D A E. Put them in rising order, what do you get? C D E G A, which is the major pentatonic scale. Why is this important? Because of the math behind tonality. The sine wave of each tone created another internal sine wave that resonates at the next clockwise note. In woodwinds, we call this overblow. In brass, as far as I know, this is just the different registers a player uses. The note A4 is 440hz. 880hz brings it up and octave and 220hz brings it down an octave. The next clockwise note is E. The hertz of E4? 660hz, splitting the difference perfectly.

There are notes within the notes, sounds within the sounds, and the circle of fifths reveal it all. Eventually, you can extrapolate this to get another note within a note, and for A that note is C#. A C# and E gets you what? A major triad, the A major chord.

But the circle does more than just that. The most common chord progression is ii-7 V7 I^7. Minor two chord, dominant five chord, major one chord. In the key of C, that’s D-7 to G7 to C^7. Which is just going backward on the circle of fifths. But let’s break it down further. D minor seven consists of D F A C. G dominant seven consists of G B D F. C major seven consists of C E G B. Do you see the pattern? In each chord, there is a note from the previous. This consistency between chords make them sound good together, but the circle already knew this. The circle knows everything. All of music is in the circle of fifths. Albums, concertos, symphonies, all in a circle. it’s beautiful

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porkue

BEHOLD

Hm, I was pondering about the recent-ish trope of Adventuring Guilds (effectively trade unions for protagonists in fantasy rpg-inspired settings, which I’m sure I’ve seen in a bunch of things but the main example that springs to mind is Goblin Slayer to my annoyance but the Hero Association in One Punch Man has a similar albeit superhero-slanted deal), and how mechanically in the setting they exist to ensure x reward is provided for x amount of work/danger involved but in a meta sense are there so the characters don’t have to go looking for heroing gigs on ye olde Craigs Lyst or something.

It’s an interesting idea, similar in a manner to the many fantasy trope-tinged guilds in the Discworld novels of the late great Terry Pratchett, although an amusing idea occurred to me with the idea of trade unions for fantasy heroes.

Like, if there are unions to ensure employment and fair pay for folks clearing out dungeons, getting gnolls out the cabbage patch, stopping gnomes from going through your bins, and so on, then, logically, there much exist fantasy hero scab workers as well.

Folks that the local king or something brings in for lower pay on more dangerous jobs. Folks who are, say, completely new to the setting, out of their depth, and are thrust into a dangerous situation by a seemingly benevolent authority figure because said authority figure is too cheap to hire someone who understands the risks involved and asks more suitable wages for the role…

Y’know…

Oh my god… the entire isekai genre is a way for Big Adventure to avoid negotiating with Adventurer Unions!

I mean, even as the person who suggested it I’d admit it’s really silly, but at the same time even modern capitalism sucks when dealing with organised labour, I’d imagine that in a pseudo-feudal setting they’d be even more awkward about it.

Kid from earth: What? Where am I? Who are you?

Wizard: Do not be afraid young one, I have summoned thee from across time and space to our world, we are in desperate need of a hero to save our world from the forces of darkness. It is your destiny to save our world from utter ruination. Will you take on this epic quest.

Kid: Sure!!!

*Bunch of adventurers kick open the door*

Wizard: Oh shit oh shit no no no no.

Head adventurer: AINT NOBODY GOING ON ANY EPIC QUEST.

Kid: Um, who are these guys?

Wizard: Um, they are agents of the dark lord sent to stop you, quickly run past them and go do that quest.

Head adventurer: Yeah you can shut up now. PAULIE. SILENCE SPELL.

Paulie: You got it boss. *Silences the wizard*

Head adventurer: Look kid, we’re representatives of the local 102.

Kid: Uhhh….

Paulie: The adventurer’s union.

Kid: Ah. Okay I know what Unions are. They have those here?

Head Adventurer: Sure do kid, and we got word that this douchebag was using magic to pull in unqualified under aged non union adventurers from another dimension so that he could avoid having to pay us our proper due. How old are you kid?

Kid: Um….14?

Head adventurer: Come on.

Kid: Okay twelve

Head adventurer: *Turns to wizard* You kidnapped a twelve year old kid to go fight the dark lord? Were you even gonna give them any equipment? Any magical training? Any supervision?

Wizard: *shrugs*

Head adventurer: *Hands kid a scroll* Here is a portal scroll back here, you want to still do this in like six years, give us a holler and we’ll set you up with some basic training and an apprenticeship, Until then, go back to your world and do whatever kids there do.

Kid: Yessir.

Head adventurer: As for you ya douchebag, Go tell that fat gasbag of a king he wants the dark lord defeated he better pony up the cash to hire a real, union certified adventuring party. And you try this crap again then the next kid you summon is gonna have an epic quest of dislodging my boot from your ass.

I love this…

“The Pevensie kids are unwitting scab workers for Big Jesus” was not the take I expected to see today, but I think it’s the take I deserve.

Weird Questions

If I’m somewhere where there are Educational Personell (Museum Docents, Q&A zookeepers, Park Rangers, Public School Teachers, Professors etc.) I have a question I like to ask them:

“What’s the weirdest question someone’s ever asked you?”

I say weird and not Dumb becuase even buckwild questions can have important answers, but whoever I ask it too usually has to think about it for a bit, then comes out with something different every time.  And I love every single answer becuase it just warms my heart out there to know people are trying to understand the world a bit better, no matter how limited thier starting point. A collection of favorites so far:

  • Art Museum Host: “A man once asked me “Can you help me find someone and if you can’t can you find someone who can?”  Which I always thought would be a great title for an Artwork.”
  • Park Ranger: “I’m so glad the Japanese couple asked me “Is bear spray like mosquito spray and it goes on the jacket, or on the bear?” instead of just trying it.”
  • Zookeeper: “A man once pointed at the live red-tailed hawk I had out for a demo and asked me “Aren’t those extinct?” We eventually figured out he meant “Endangered” but I hear that question every time I see a redtail now.”
  • Primary School Teacher: “About every other year a student asks me what part of the school I sleep in at night, because clearly I live here.  I tell them I sleep under the bleachers in the gym but it’s actually the Nurse’s office.”
  • Professor: “A student asked me “So how do I use this in a conversation when my aunt is wine-drunk at thanksgiving and being a jerk again?” Which honestly is a fair question about philosophy and really changed how I teach rhetoric.”
  • Natural History Docent: “A woman once asked me what the difference between a Million and a Billion was.  Kinda pieced together that she’d just left her church for her safety, and was learning about Earth’s Natural History for the first time. Nobody else was there because it had been snowing, so I walked her through the Hall Of Time and answered as many questions as I could.  She was bewildered, but really trying. It always struck me as a really brave thing, to try to understand all of that while fresh out of a dangerous situation. I hope it helped.”
  • Forensic Scientist:  “People ask me how to commit murder all the time, but if you really hate someone, stealing thier identity causes much more suffering and is a lot harder to get caught at. A guy did ask me if working at a body farm was creepy and did not like that it was ok until you learned that decayed human fingers are a deer’s favorite midwinter snack.”
  • Zookeeper: “People call us becuase they think they’ve found an escaped animal all the time, or they think they’re neighbor’s husky is a wolf. One guy asked me if his dog was part hyena because it had spots. But that one guy really did have a Tiger in his toolshed that one time so we try to take them seriously.”
  • Meteorologist: “A guy once emailed me about how hard you’d have to fan a tornado to make it start spinning in the other direction and included a picture of him holding up a box fan at an approaching tornado.  We printed it out for the work fridge.”
  • Park Ranger: “I was giving a talk on the Yellowstone Supervolcano and a guy asked if, after it errupted, the earth would be ‘hollowed out’.  I suppose I was just relieved that he understand that the earth isn’t flat.”
  • Primarcy Shcool teacher: “A student once asked me where she could sell her bones online so she could by a dog.  Which? Same.”
  • Natural History Docent: “A guy asked us ‘If I had a time machine, and managed to kill and cook a T-Rex, what would it have tasted like?’ and every paleontologist on staff deciced to take him seriously.  They did research to learn about fat distribution, and read up on culinary science to learn what flavors meat, even did chemical analysis on the bones.  They concluded that it’d be Tough (no evidence of juicy fat pockets), bitter (carnivores tend to taste foul) and would probably kill him, because heavy metals travel up the food chain and T-Rex accumulated a lot of the cadmium that was in the dirt in the late cretaceous.  Wrote him a letter with our findings and he sent us back a drawing of him and his buddies cooking a T-Rex over a fire and all of them throwing up and dying, and it’s my favorite drawing in the whole world.”

“Death by T. rex meat poisoning” is a pretty metal way to go, though

in the words of the great Elizabethan wordsmith William Shakespeare, in Hamlet Act IV Scene V, “When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions.” or, in the words of the great Twitter wordsmith @Horse_ebooks,

this is 1947 Cincinnati Enquirer erasure

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marisatomay

please do not forget your smash mouth

Can we please just acknowledge the sheer absurdity the “Kuzon’s Parents” disguise scene:

Deadass Katara just stuffed her shirt with melons, did nothing else to even pretend that she was older than 14, Sokka put on what was probably an incredibly fake-looking beard and pulled the most shakespearean accent he could muster. 

They just saunter on in with their son who looks literally nothing like either of them, but also almost the exact same age. The headmaster probably just thinks “Fuck it. Okay. Benefit of the doubt. I’m not particularly well-versed in the ethnicities of the colonies maybe this is just normal. Adoption maybe? Good skin care?” 

And then when he asks their names, Sokka just comes out guns blazing with surnames- which is implied (but not confirmed) to be sort of nobility status. And not only is their cover story that they have surnames in the first place, but that their name is Fire. Wang Fire and Sapphire Fire

Can you imagine just being a Canadian school principal meeting a student’s parents for the first time and you just see these rogue teenagers showing up saying “Hello yes my name is Sir Jason Toronto and this is my wife Poutine.”

The kids on TikTok think that just because he was a classic country singer, Johnny Cash was conservative??? My babies he covered a Nine Inch Nails song in his seventies.

Classic country singers (the majority of which came from poor roots) were always talking about how much The Man sucked because they were taking money from poor rural folk. You’re gonna tell me that’s conservative?? Get outta here.

And somehow on the opposite side of the scale with the same exact opinion the conservative kids say “I like the old country music, because there’s no politics to it” Woodie Guthrie’s got a “this machine kills fascists” sticker on his guitar? You think there’s no politics in 9 to 5 or Folsom Prison Blues?!

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hexpress

ty for stealing this one much appreciated

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str0kethebigtree-deactivated202

people in the notes suggesting it was "improper" for the juror to do this or that it "introduced bias" to the court proceeding 🙄 the ice agent in question accused a moc of assaulting him / resisting arrest. how is the agent being a white supremacist not relevant. what universe are you living in

As a member of the world’s SECOND oldest profession, I assure you this is just one of many ways the justice system is systematically fucked up.

For anyone who wants to know how to fact check something you are told while on jury duty without getting fined:

First, you need to understand that the rule that jurors can’t just google things is coming from a good place. Like imagine that you are on a jury that’s considering, say, a medical malpractice lawsuit and one of your fellow jurors comes into the jury room and says to you, “I think the victim’s expert was lying because WebMD totally contradicts everything they said.”

And you might be like, “But WebMD is notoriously unreliable website and the expert you’re talking about is a researcher from Mayo Clinic.” But this person cannot be swayed.

Like, we can all agree that would be bad.

So even though these rules can contribute to unjust outcomes as in the case above (and seriously, the fact that the defense attorney didn’t fact check that is probably grounds for legal malpractice), they also prevent jurors from just looking up bullshit online and taking it more seriously than the actual experts the court has put on. And I think in the era of anti-vaxxers/QAnon/COVID denial/etc., we can all understand why it’s a bad idea to trust that people can tell fact from bullshit online.

So in light of this, how do you as a juror fact check something?

The key here is that you have to ask the court for information. Jurors can ask questions of the court during deliberations, so if something you said sounds off to you, you can ask for more information.

The key term you want to use here is “credibility.”

The job of a jury is to decide what are called “questions of fact.” Long before the trial even starts, lawyers will have hashed out all the “questions of law” --- like, what the statute of limitations is; what laws, exactly, were allegedly broken; whether the court you’re in even has jurisdiction; stuff like that. Jurors are responsible for deciding which side’s version of the facts has more credibility.

For instance, if the prosecution’s witness says X and the defense’s witness says Y, the jury is responsible for deciding which is true, X or Y. And you do this by weighing which one is more credible.

So in this case, if the juror had known to, he could have told the judge, “In order to properly assess the ICE agent’s credibility, I need more information about his tattoo. I have doubts about whether he was telling the truth about it, which would impact how credible I would find his testimony. Can the agent please provide evidence that it really is what he says it is?”

There are a lot of problems with our legal system, and I think one of the biggest is that jurors aren’t educated about what they can and can’t do. Juries have a lot of power, if (and only if) they know how to use it.

Reblogging for that last post, because frankly, “what to do as a juror” is one of those things the schools should really be teaching us. Serving on a jury is one of the most powerful rights of citizenship and everyone should be educated in how to exercise it correctly.

AU where Aang is killed by Sozin before going in the iceberg. The next Avatar is born at the Southen Water Tribe and is hunted down and killed at a young age as well.

The Earthbending Avatar after them holds out longer, becoming an adult, but failing to become a fully realized Avatar with nobody to teach them Airbending, and refusing to learn Firebending. They go to confront Firelord Azulon and his son General Iroh, but is killed in battle by none other than the general himself. The Fire Nation conquers Ba Sing Se and soon occupies most of the known world.

The next Avatar is born in the Fire Nation and adopted into the Royal Family. They're treated as royalty in a world all but dominated by the Fire Nation. They're taught the propaganda of the Fire Nation, including that Avatar Roku supposedly helped Sozin start the war.

But as they grow older, they start having nightmares. Except they're not nightmares, they're memories of their past lives. Memories of being murdered by the people they now call family.

They run away from home, going on a journey to trace back their past lives. Along the way they'll learn the truth of Fire Nation occupation and the history of the world, and they'll work towards bringing down the empire and restoring balance.

To bring his runaway child back, Firelord Iroh sends his son crown prince Lu Ten to chase after his step-sibling and capture them alive.

Dating Disney: Beauty and the Beast

Beauty and the Beast features my favorite love story and my favorite Disney Princess, so it holds a very special spot in my heart. So, it’s worth looking into the film to decide when the Movie is supposed to be set.

During the opening musical number “Belle”, Belle is telling the Baker about the book she’s been reading. She’s clearly describing Jack and the Beanstalk, the earliest version being the tale of “Jack Spriggins and the Enchanted Bean” in 1734. But she also deliberately mentions an ogre, not a giant. Near as I could find, the only version with an ogre was written by Joseph Jacobs in 1890, making Belle nearly contemporary to modernity. Belle’s excitement over the book is likely a sign that this is a new story.

During the same musical number, we see a sign depicting a tobacco pipe, but unlike with the Calabash pipe from the Little Mermaid movie. I could place it to possibly be a Billiard type, but the exact era of creation escapes me. However, tobacco pipes have been around as long as Tobacco has been introduced to European trade, starting in the 16th century.

The history of colored printing goes as far back as the 16th century, and there are illustrations from the early 1700s with an impressive variety of color that help establish a stronger time period. The book also shows the words Le Prince Charmant or Prince Charming. Prince Charming started being used in 1697 in Charles Perrault’s version of Sleeping Beauty, although there, Prince Charming was not a name. Rather, Perrault stated that the Prince was charmed by her words. The first story to use Prince Charming as a name is the Tale of Pretty Goldilocks. It was written at some point in the 17th Century by Madame d’Aulnoy, but in her version the hero was named Avenant. It wasn’t until 1889 when Andrew Lang retold the story that Avenant was dubbed as Charming. One year later in 1890, Oscar Wilde used the term “Prince Charming” sarcastically in his novel “The Picture of Dorian Gray”, meaning that the term had gotten its more modern meaning by this point in time.

Gaston’s musket is a Blunderbuss, which was invented in the early 1600′s and remained popular through the 18th century before falling out of fashion in the middle of the 19th century. However, considering Belle states that this is a backwards town and Gaston is an old-fashioned, Primeval man, it’s possible he’s using a largely outdated weapon.

While there are no street lamps in the city, we can see in the background lanterns on the sides of buildings, which might allude to the movie taking place before the invention of gas lamps. However, gas lamps were invented in 1809, and if the version of Jack and the Beanstalk is from 1890, then by all accounts the town should have gas lamps. What this amounting evidence is leading me to believe is that the film is directly following the plot of the original fairy tale.

In the story, Beauty’s father is a merchant who loses his fortune due to a storm destroying his cargo. They’re forced to live on a farm until the merchant stumbles upon the Beast’s castle and kick starts the plot. In the opening song, Belle says “every morning’s just the same, since the morning that we came, to this poor, provincial town.” This could mean that she grew up in a much more modern, urban, and progressive town. Possibly even Paris. But that after Maurice suffered severe financial trouble, he was forced to move them to the small, backwards town that was practically living an entire century behind the rest of France, which is why she’s so bored and unimpressed by the little town. It helps explain why she’s so eager to want to get out of this town and see the world. She wants to be part of the modern world again.

Interestingly, I can support this theory with background information. According to some of my research, Belle’s village was based on the little town of Riquewihr, France, which still looks like it did in the 16th century to this day. So the idea that Belle’s little village lacks so many modern elements could be a nod to the architecture of this sleepy French village that has remained largely untouched by the march of time. Hence why it looks more like something out of the 1700s despite the many elements from the 1800s being present.

During the song “Be Our Guest”, Lumiere dances with a match stick. Match sticks were invented in 1805. Assuming the film still takes place in the 1890s, this would be concurrent with the other evidence we’ve seen thus far. Later in the same song, the silverware makes an Eiffel tower, which was constructed in 1889. Since Jack and the Beanstalk was written after that, it still fits within the suspected time frame.

During the climax of the battle, Cogsworth is wearing military garments reflective of Napoleonic styles. Napoleon was coronated in 1804 until 1814, had a brief return to power in 1815, and eventually died in 1821. So this is also congruent to the established time period.

In the Youtube Video “Fashion Expert Fact Checks Belle from Beauty and the Beast’s Costumes” by Glamour, April Calahan, a Fashion Historian from the Fashion Institute of Technology directly noted that Belle’s yellow gown lacks the shape of a proper 18th century dress, and more closely resembles the shape of 19th century dresses, fitting into the evidence that’s been mounting in support of a late 19th century setting.

As a part of his primary costume, Lefou wears a waistcoat and tailcoats, which came into vogue in the 1800s, namely from the 1840s through the 1850s.

But if the film is set in the 1800s, how can the Beast still be a prince after the French Revolution? Well something worth noting is that when he finds out that Belle isn’t coming to dinner, the Beast storms through the halls to her room as Cogsworth calls after him as “Your Eminence” and “Your Grace”. The address of “Your Eminence” is reserved for Cardinals of the Roman Catholic Church, and is an ecclesiastical style of address. “Your Grace” is noticeably an English style of address, but it’s being used by Cogsworth who is British, so I can chalk that up to just part of his culture. Although it was used for British monarchs, it fell out of use during the reign of King Henry VIII (1509-1547) and after that, the use of “Your Grace” became used to address archbishops and non-royal Dukes and Duchesses. Now clearly the Beast is not a cardinal or a bishop, especially if he is looking for the love of a woman to make him human, since it’s forbidden for Catholic priests to marry. So clearly that is not what is meant here. But the other answer actually does hold a bit of weight. Beast’s father was in fact, a Duke. So how is the Beast a prince? He’s not. Not entirely. See, there’s more than one kind of Prince in French nobility. There’s a Prince du Sang, or a Prince by Blood. Effectively, the Crown Prince, the sons of ruling monarchs. But the title is also given to lords in charge of a Principality, one of the smallest territorial sizes. The Beast’s principality probably only extends to having power over the little unnamed village. And with it being after the revolution, Beast might not even have the proper use of his title anymore. He’s effectively a rich kid in a fancy house with no real authority or power. He’s just old money from a by-gone era of human history. But if Beast’s address of “Your Grace” is accurate, that would mean that he’s a non-royal Duke, meaning he would not likely have been executed during the Revolution, as his family would have essentially been governors or senators than actual monarchs. They just had jurisdiction over a small piece of the Kingdom of France and reported back to and obeyed the orders of their King. Thus, he would not have been important enough to be killed or chased out of power by the townsfolk.

CONCLUSION

The movie is set between the late autumn and early-to-mid winter of 1890. Although the snow is gone when Belle returns to the village, the trees are still bare, signaling that it may just be unseasonably warm, though it could be the very early spring of 1891 between the receding of the snow and the blossoming of new spring foliage. Between the books, clothing, and references made, my conclusion is that Belle is a very modern girl living in a backwards little town stuck in the past, thus why a village in 1890 looks so completely lacking in modern technology despite the era. The Prince is nothing more than a fancy title as the son of a Duke, and he likely has very little if any actual government authority. Essentially, Belle married into wealth, not power, and will never be a proper queen, and I’m not sure if the wife of a lord ruling a principality is a princess or not, but I suspect the answer is no. Making Belle, like Mulan, a Disney Princess who did not marry royalty, was not born royalty, and thus, cannot be called a Disney Princess. She’s definitely a noblewoman, but she’s not royal by any means.

SETTING: Riquewihr, France

KINGDOM: The French Republic (France)

YEAR: Autumn, 1890 - Spring, 1891

PERIOD: The Third Republic (1870-1940)

LANGUAGE: French

This would also explain why no one in the town seems to care that their regent hasn’t been seen in years. 

i’m losing my mind at the concept that Belle will very likely live to see the first World War, barring other catastrophe.

Belle is 17 years old at the beginning of the film. If the film takes place in 1890, she’ll only be 41 years old when Duke Ferdinand is shot some 800 miles away. The Beast is barely four years older than Belle. He’ll be 45. 

According to the Encyclopedia Britannica (by way of Wikipedia), “costly battles on the Western Front forced France to conscript men up to the age of 45.” It’s not impossible that The Beast sees combat during WWI. Trench warfare, gas warfare, no man’s land, all the horrors of front line at the dawn of the 20th century. It’s entirely possible that Belle signs up with the Red Cross as a nurse, maybe utilizing a mechanical aptitude inherited from her father to aid in the war effort.

When Germany invades Poland, Belle and The Beast will be 56 and 60, respectively. In the spring of the following year, the Nazis invades France. They occupy castles and large estates across France, to use as both bases of operation and as strongholds to hoard stolen wealth (in the form of gold and art) and political hostages.

Would Belle and the Beast fight off Nazi invaders from their home? They’ve defended it before, but is there enough magic left in those old walls to mount a defense? Or would they flee their chateau, go underground, and use what remaining assets they have to aid La Résistance?

Do they have children, and if so what’s become of them in this time of war?

Listen, what I’m getting at here is that since they’re both Disney properties, there’s an entirely justifiable team up between Beauty and the Beast and Captain America.

Came for the analysis, rebligged for that last sentence.

I know I’ve said this before but vampires

  • don’t show up on camera
  • can fly/scale walls
  • immune to bullets
  • can break into any safe by turning into fog or some bullshit
  • could probably hypnotize security guards as needed

therefore I am in dire need of a heist film where a group of vampires band together to steal back their old stuff from museums

Oceans 1100 AD

Very interested in the hardest part of this beign the vampires trying to trick someone into granting them permission to enter the premises earlier in the day

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

I feel like this has several simple solutions!

  • they enter the museum while it’s open to the public (and the Welcome sign is on display). they turn into bats and hide in the rafters until the museum closes. the only hiccup is when the overhead announcement comes on and politely requests all visitors leave for closing. the vampire are forced to flee, but come back the next day with tiny bat-sized earplugs.
  • downside: this requires going out in daylight, leading most of the team members to show up in long black victorian formalwear, complete with lacy parasols, which they insist on carrying with them throughout the entire heist (much to the frustration of the team leader, who just wore sunscreen and a raincoat).
  • depending on how invitations work, it is possible any random human can invite them in. one of the vampires gets their Ultimate Frisbee buddy Oakley to tag along and invite them in after closing.
  • downside: the gang spends the rest of the heist gently mocking the idea of a vampire playing association ultimate frisbee (“so what, you turn into a bat and catch it with your fangs? do they make you crawl up the wall when it gets stuck on a roof? if you turn into a cat to get it down from a tree, do you end up stuck in the tree?”) this ends in a Climactic Twist Ending when Oakley reveals they don’t play ultimate frisbee, just dog park frisbee. In the sense that they met when the vampire transformed into a wolf to gatecrashed a game at the local dog park.
  • (Bonus points if Oakley is a werewolf. extra bonus points if this is revealed in a post-credits epilogue where, on the next full moon, the entire gang transforms into creatures of the night and joins Oakley at the park for a frisbee game of Bats vs Wolves)
  • Final option: to gain legitimate entry, an invitation is needed from a museum employee. this presents two possibilities:
  • the vampires pretend to be incredibly rich eccentric patrons who want a private nighttime tour of the museum. (this is convincing due to the fact they are rich and incredibly eccentric.) the vampires get inside, planning to hypnotize the Curator supervising their tour.
  • downside: they immediately discover the Curator has been left immune to hypnosis by years of post-grad exposure to droning history lecturers. the vampires leave their least competent member to distract her while they carry out the heist–in the ensuing 90 minutes, the vampire and the curator accidentally Fall In Love after bonding over their shared fury about british archeological theft.
  • (In the sequel they get married and spend their honeymoon robbing the British Museum in order to return sacred objects to the cultures from which they were stolen. this is made more complicated comical by the fact vampires are unable to interact with holy objects. also, they are lesbians.)
  • alternatively: the gang simply bribes a security guard into letting them in after closing. the security guard then tags along, offering helpful advice for disabling alarms and transporting antiques. it turns out Security Officer Greer only applied for the job bc they too were planning an Elaborate Acrobatic Burglary, but then their partners quit to join Cirque du Soleil and “I can’t exactly perform a Double Cartwheel Birdie Flying Trapeze Boomerang Special without a partner.”
  • downside: the gang becomes too attached to ask Greer to leave. They carry out the heist as intended, but this time pretending to be circus performers to explain their vampire powers. Turning into a cloud of smoke to bypass locks? Magicians never explain a trick. Spider walking across ceilings to bypass alarms? Contortionist. When it comes time to fly from roof to roof, they decide turning into bats would give away their secret, so instead they help Greer, in a sparkling moment of triumph, execute the perfect Double Cartwheel Birdie Flying Trapeze Boomerang Special!
  • Greer and the gang escape (by tightrope walking) into the night with all the plunder they can carry. Tearfully, the gang begins to say goodbye (bc they can’t keep up the pretense of being circus performers forever) when Greer casually asks how a bunch of vampire ended up working in a circus.
  • (Greer assumed from the beginning they were vampires, because of “how you dress, how you talk, and mostly because none of you showed up on camera back in the CCTV control room. Why did you think it took me so long to let yall in?”)
  • I cannot for the lives of me decide which synopsis I like best

(all ideas shared on this blog are public domain, feel free to go nuts. you can find more story ideas like this on my ko-fi)

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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses

It never fails to tickle me how Studios could have billions of dollars to work with, yet a random tumblr user still comes up with a story that’s still infinitely more interesting than any story that’s come out in the past 8 years.

Newborn babies all have terrible eyesight so that their brains don’t have to process as much information. Which I think is a little bit funny.

Nature was like “Look, we get it. There’s a lot of stuff out here. A lot of pores on your dad’s face. You have no idea what a hand is. Don’t worry about the pores for now. Just figure out, in general, what a hand is and then maybe we”ll pump it up to high res.”

I only got a decade or so of hi-res life before my eyes were like "actually thats enough, pack it in"

I just like the story behind this. On one hand, one piece of misinformation can easily be accepted as fact if it looks appealing enough. Raccoon skulls look more like what you would expect of an animal skull. Instead of the reality where wolf skulls are actually kind of ugly from the front. But this design is made unintentionally far greater because of this. These tattoos were all found under the #wolfskulltattoo tag on instagram

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laivaaja-deactivated20250302

Imperial Snapchat

Imperial Snapchat. Admiral Piett is currently leading the contest.

Thanks for the wonderful idea, @kaelinaloveslomaris and @occasionalinanity

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meowmeowneon

I am sorry

Boba: Hey, Vader, wanna take a selfie?

Anakin hindbrain: *chanting* SELFIE SELFIE SELFIE SELFIE-

Vader: …ugh, fine.

Boba: lol cool, I’m gonna use the cat ears feature!

Anakin hindbrain: *ungodly screeching noises*

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darthsarcom

The fucking level of art quality for this fucking shitpost.

OMG IT GAINED QUALITY BONUS MATERIAL I love this fucking shitpost

One head canon that I’m unreasonably passionate about is Zuko MUST have help Katara with the domestic work like cooking and cleaning. You can’t tell me he didn’t, I will not listen to you.

but you’re right. Katara told me herself how much she appreciated Zuko helping out with the chores, and she didn’t even have to force or bribe him!

I definitely think this is supported by canon!

Since I’m on a 10 hour road trip and have nothing better to do, I went through screencaps of the episodes of book 3 and I noticed that the number of scenes where Katara does housework drastically decreases after Zuko joins the gaang.

In The Painted Lady, Katara is shown getting dinner for everyone while Sokka goes over his (extremely long lmao) schedule.

In The Runaway, when Sokka, Aang, and Toph come back from their money-making scheme, they return to Katara cooking. And leave all of the groceries/supplies they bought with her, so it’s natural to assume she’ll be the one dealing with them. Then, in a later scene, Katara is sitting next to the cooking pot and feeding Appa, while Aang eats in the background.

In Day of the Black Sun, while Sokka goes over the invasion plan, Katara gets him a drink. (Not exactly a chore, but it does show how she is responsible for taking care of everyone else’s well-being).

In The Western Air Temple, Katara is shown getting meals ready for Aang, Sokka, Toph, Haru, Teo, and the Duke.

In the beginning of The Firebending Masters, the night that Zuko joins, Zuko watches the group in front of the campfire, where Katara is serving everyone’s dinner.

And that’s it. We don’t see Katara doing anymore chores in the background after Zuko officially joins the group, except for when she makes watermelon juice for the group in Sozin’s Comet (although that seems like less of a necessary chore and more of just a special treat she made for fun).

I only went through the episodes in the final season, but there are many more scenes of Katara doing household work in the background in the other two seasons, usually all on her own. The only chore I observed the others doing this season, besides Sokka keeping everyone on schedule, was shopping - in just one episode.

Even though Zuko hasn’t been with the gaang for long, he’s the only other person we see serving the group.

Especially taking into account his behavior around Katara, it makes sense that he would be helping her out with the chores.

In The Southern Raiders, he’s carrying their bag for her, and later, he’s the one doing the packing. He tells Katara she should get some rest - literally the only time anyone in the gaang ever asks Katara to look after her own needs - and it’s shown later that they switched places and Katara looks more well-rested.

Given that part of Zuko’s arc involves working in customer service, I’m sure he’s very familiar with doing chores without being told.

Purely speculation on my part, but in this scene from Sozin’s Comet, the group already has their food and are eating while Katara was off in the attic. My theory? Zuko served dinner. Since she was looking for pots, Katara probably still does at least some of the cooking, but it seems plausible that Zuko might help out with prep, serving, and/or cleaning.

Unlike the first half of book 3, where Katara is often doing chores in the background, after Zuko joins, she has much more free time and seems more relaxed. She watches Aang and Zuko train (with Toph and on her own) and goes surfing at the beach.

And this just fits in with Zuko’s personality. You can’t convince me that Zuko - the boy who is so set on making a good impression on the gaang, especially Katara - wouldn’t help out whenever he could. It probably drives Katara nuts at first because she feels like he’s trying to take over “her territory,” but slowly she comes to appreciate his presence when she realizes that he just genuinely wants to make things easier for her.

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codefiant

“sure he’s well versed in leftist theory but does he do the dishes“