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Shadow The Hedgehog Is A Bitch Ass Motherfucker

@pissdrropllets

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In theory smoking is like unbelievably attractive. Damn shame about, like. The smell. And the cancer. Ah well, there's tattoos

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I've been trying not to call people mean names when I get into arguments so now my default when I get a lil frustrated is to say "babe" which as u might understand is not particularly conducive to customer service

you never realize how much tumblr alters even your most basic conversational vernacular and I don't mean "that's my blorbo" level discourse I mean I made the comment "oh that is an entire human man" around someone who is very offline and they went "😂😂😂 What? An entire human? LOL!"

[ID: a text exchange. At 7:49, person 1 sends, "going to my first ever pole dancing class tonight" with a painting nails emoji. At 10:18, they follow up, "I slayed absolute penis". Person 2 replies, "That is a new phrase for me". End ID]

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get his ass

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the idea that your friends won't like you if you're too weird is wrong for example one time I told a friend whenever I was losing my mind I laid down on the floor under my desk and stared at it until I was better and next time she visited me she taped a bag of salami snacks to the underside of my desk with a message saying "going insane all by yourself, handsome?" which I only saw months later when I had a breakdown. that's friendship.

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jeremy fragrance was born with no perceivable scent and thus set out on a lifelong mission to capture and distill the very essence of humanity and create a perfume so divine that it would grant him godlike status among mortals, and after years of killing people and extracting their natural scent, he finally created it, but as soon as he poured it onto his body he was torn limb from limb and cannibalised by french peasants who believed they were in the presence of an angel walking the earth

I appreciate Karl Jenkins bemused reaction to the theory that he, a 79 year old white Welsh man composer, is, in fact, a 41 year old black American woman from California.

I mean, how else do you respond to an accusation like that?

“Look, my moustache isn’t that cartoonish and silly, surely?”

Like, what is this scenario? It’s Scooby Doo and Fred rips off the mask to reveal: “Oh my God, it’s the Duchess of Sussex!”

And she would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling hardcore royalists.