Vehicle size as an indicator of dick size is stupid BUT if you have:

there is a 100% chance that “micropenis” is too generous an appellation for you

Please stop attacking every single Texan that owns a truck

Tell them to stop making dumb vehicle choices

Does that mean that every guy with a Prius is hung like a horse

ok so big car means small dick. big shoes mean big dick. to find the optimal piece of manmeat one must find someone who drives a tiny car and wears big shOH NO.

CLOWNS.

WORST ADDITION WORST ADDITION

someone post that clip of bohemian rhapsody where they’re just like, having a normal conversation at a restaurant but it cuts to something different every 4 seconds so that we can revel in the fact that THAT was nominated for best picture 

thank you. it sucks so much. 

This won Best Editing

This is good editing because this is a perfect example of how you edit in order to help audiences spatially understand what’s happening in the scene. It won for a reason

me, a sensible boy, feeling a tickle: just your leg hair, calm down

caveman brain: it is so many spiders

just discovered a neat trick. if you make brownies but dont cut them, you can eat the whole slab and say you only ate 1 brownie

do not do this

this is iconic

This shit is so hilarious

Dude: Do you wanna get married? Girl: Yes. Dude: …..I gotta…..

“YOU’RE FAT!! 😢” LMAO homie was hurt

actual definition of BDE

Hey uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the ability to sleep

I realize now i forgot to add the “can i get some” but i feel that just adds to the mood of the post

Good morning, Who are we cancelling today?

My 9 to 5

Reblogging for good luck

thx thanos

When I’m done half of your debt will exist.. perfectly balanced.. as all things should be.

Why don’t you take care of all of it you purple bitch

Reblog the money thanos to pay off half of your debts and make life easier

Don’t even trip.. I'ma take those off ya hands for you.

Reblogging to reduce gas prices by half

That is well over half

“You’re not my Dad!”

Hahahahaha

“I’m in a tank and your not” is probably the best argument ever.

Screw it

One time my five year old sister and I went in a hike in the woods and I told her “now if we come across a bear in here, I will throw myself in front of it and you run away!” And she looked me dead in the eye and said “No sorry I called it.” I was like, “what? You want to die? You’re five!” She just looked into the abyss and said, “I have been here too long.” And honestly? Big Mood.

“I have been here too long.” I’m through

Wanda would rather let half of the population of the universe die to save a Microwave Oven.

A MICOWAVE OVEN

This is funny on so many levels

Not even lion

This is the best post I have seen all day

Slightly uncomfortable dump

OP I think we need to have a talk about your definition of “slightly uncomfortable” because my levels of rage skyrocketed faster than it took Thanos to snap his fingers

if shitposting isnt a coping mechanism for the ages then what is

‘Kobe’ is for accuracy, 'Yeet’ is for distance.

how to become a mother

1) go outside 2) find pigeon 3) grab 4) congratulation

here’s the thing

for tumblr answer time, i ask every celebrity the same question

so far i’ve done misha collins

dj khaled

troian bellisario

sean o'pry

gavin grimm

tj miller

lany

and so far not a single goddamn answer. 

i’m gonna keep going until i get a straight answer or @staff​ stops me

still doin it

answer me you heathens

answer me

answer me you cowards

answer the question

Have they answered u yet

no i’m furious

answer the question

Perseverance is my only virtue

cowards

FINALLY

Finally i get to be ignored by celebrities i respect

oh look

*cracks knuckles to dust*

@setheverman​ answer my prayers you negligent absent god

every single person on here? cowardly bitches. 

face your mortality. choose your requiem. 

i cant believe this didnt end with even one person answering them. what a let down

This is the funniest thing ever