I've got a scalding hot take of the century:

If you were a bully in school, Do Not Have Kids.

The school bully reading this post not doing a creampie again

This is me with Michael at least once a week

ooo…. lady gagita

sex isn't sexy unless it's a little bit gross. have you forgotten that you are a divine ape? plastic smooth skin, plucked hair, painted faces, scripted reactions, scrubbed til only the smell of perfumed soap remains, proportions that are conflictingly cookiecutter yet unattainable, none of this is even a little bit interesting.

you can laugh at napoleon's "home in three days, don't bathe" letter to his wife, but there's more sexuality in that one line then there is in the entirety of the hypersexualized but painfully unsexy internet.

What are your thoughts on musk?

i hope he dies

Getting married at 21, 22, 23 is actually unhinged behavior I personally want to go to each of these weddings and drag that poor woman away and take her to the club

Unhinged behavior is being unable to realize some women don’t want to go to the club

Someone sounds married :/

I get it. I understand why AI is a threat to people who work in the film industry. I would watch 15 seasons of this

the new dj crazytimes song … now that’s what I call music!

Everything so funny when you're with your most beloved friends

Happiness disease

the last human died today in captivity. it was 137 years old. it passed away peacefully in it's enclosure, under a weighted blanket, clutching a Squishmallow (a type of pseudo-companion favored by the infamously social human species).

the last human's handlers are devastated despite knowing its end was near- the average lifespan of a human in the wild rarely exceeded 80 years. "it always wanted to talk to me" one handler tearfully recounted. "i'll never forget the smile it gave us every time we opened up for morning feedings. it was like i was its best friend. it really made you feel special". although the human had long since been removed from public viewings, those who had been lucky enough to see it during its exhibition days are similarly saddened by the loss. "i'll never forget," one former spectator said, "going to see the human exhibition when i was young. i was oddly frightened, but i was pushed to the front of the crowd in all the madness. it was quite the spectacle to see a human back then. i don't know if it could sense my fear, but for a moment, we made eye contact. and it waved at me. and i waved back. and it waved again, more excitedly this time." the former spectator chuckles. "they had to drag me away from the exhibit after that. i could have spent hours just sitting there with that thing, making motions at each other. how amazing it is, to be able to communicate with something so alien to you, in such a simple way".