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@pielikeman

Contessa pathing to be the moderator of every fandom community

Contessa has become wildbow

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the amount of funny things that Contessa could do online with her power is amazing. I'm not saying this because Contessa chose a path where as many people as possible would admire her and talk about how great she is. For the record.

No this would be a path where as many people as possible would spam her inbox with 'kill yourself, janny' messages

Uber once said fedoras were lame where Contessa could hear. Ever since then, in her spare time, Contessa has set it up so that every time Uber posts a Power Assisted Speedrun with a new record, a Frame Perfect Speedrun by Contessa uploaded seconds before, preventing Uber from ever getting the world record he so craves.

Perdition’s definitely on my shortlist for funniest worm characters:

  • Got kicked out of a GAMER group for being too toxic
  • Has the same backstory as a blue-orbed girl in a reader/one direction wattpad fic
  • Contributes fuckall to the plot except killing the number one funniest worm character
  • Fucks off again after the fact
  • Is literally named Cody
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He has a power that is a huge terrifying force multiplier in team vs team fights, and utterly ineffectual when used on its own... so naturally he sucks at everything all the time because he's physically incapable of teamwork.

When the Simurgh looked through every possible universe for the most toxic people to summon the Bet using her temporary interdimensional tinker powers, she immediately locked on to this dude.

I really like this insight because of the ongoing observation that powers in Worm run on the irony of giving you exactly the wrong thing to solve your problem, usually either the super-powered version of your problem or something that sounds like the solution but in practice makes it worse.

Familial neglect? Invisibility! Bullied and abandoned by friends? Millions of tiny friends under your control! Eating disorder? We can make an S-class threat of that! Incapable of teamwork? Support power!

Or, as in Tattletale’s case, it gives you the exact power that would help your situation—but far, far too late.

Taylor: [Taking a job test after joining the Wards] According to this aptitude test, I should be a professional athlete um, a park ranger, or a correctional officer.
Taylor: Are you at all aware that you just told a teenager with 11 felony charges that she should become a correctional officer?
Taylor: What the fuck is wrong with you?

11? Didn’t she have hundreds of felony charges?

here’s knife cat tattletale, for all your knife cat tattletale needs

I don't understand why she'd let herself get into this situation to begin with.

Yeah, it’s not like she’s done anything that got her into situations like this before, like trying to reveal secrets that would cause division in the ranks during an S Class threat…