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43 and Fangirling?

@piccolaromana / piccolaromana.tumblr.com

I’m too old for this shit, but I couldn't care less. Cosplayer, Fangirl, Mother...so here I am, many things (name a fandom? I’m in!) and personal stuff.

When I enter in a fandom let’s not say that I do things by halves!

So… watching Star Wars The Clone Wars was dangerous because I met Satine and fell in love with her. Then I discovered her and Obi-Wan past and that’s it. That’s me cosplaying this amazing woman and having a little moment with Obi.

I love every moment of this project, from the planning through the making of, to the shooting in San Marino. Thanks to all the people who helped me and indulged me in my fantasy. 💙

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"They called him the Lion of Lannister to his face and whispered "Kingslayer" behind his back."

commission I completed for twitter!

“ I feel like, in Bo’s world, there are like teeny tiny, like nano droids or something, inside her helmet that just fix it all the time. Because, like in her head, maybe the ruler of Mandalore has to look amazing at all times. ”

Katee Sackhoff reveals secret of how Bo-Katan keeps her hair perfect when she removes her helmet.

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TBB, The Solitary Clone & Self-Harm as System Requirement

(This is very long and theory-laden, but it'll do. Bear with me, I try to articulate this as clearly as I can.)

There's a lot to be said about this episode, but I think I want to come at this from the angle of how coercive systems aren't just violent to people both without and within the system, but also how they foster a culture of self-harm among its members.

The rules of a coercive system like the Empire's can be enforced through different means; hierarchy is only way to do it, and it's a strategy that requires constant oversight. The more cost-efficient way to enforce regulation is through a panopticon: the members of the coercive system aren't constantly under supervision, but they do feel as if they were, because they can never be sure that they aren't. Which introduces a second factor into enforcing coercive systems: self-surveillance. If members of a system can be convinced to self-censor their behavior and regulate each other via peer pressure without the need for (constant) hierarchical supervision, you've got a pretty stable system that doesn't require a lot of resources to maintain.

But if you want an even stronger system that makes the cost of leaving too high for the individual, you need to introduce yet another factor: self-harm. If you can get people to the point where they willingly act against their own self-interest in order to uphold a system, you've got yourself an almost indestructible construct that can withstand immense pressure from the outside without the members inside revolting against their own abuse. The reason why this works so well is because of an instilled sense of both shame and superiority within the system members.

But let's back off here for a moment.

What does hierarchical control look like in the Empire? That's Admiral Rampart shooting Captain Wilco for not wanting to falsify reports. But it's also Rampart seeing himself forced to do so in the first place, cuz if he won't cover his own ass, the Emperor will discard of him. In other words: No matter how high you rise in hierarchy, the pressures of a coercive system don't lessen. Even Rampart is living in an panopticon and the constant fear of being found out. This is no flaw, it's a feature of the system.

The aspect of peer pressure gets of course most obvious in interactions among the Clones; when Cody cautiously hints at defecting, he does so at great risk, because the cost of leaving is so high, most Clones aren't willing to pay it. Crosshair isn't willing to do it because he is especially susceptible to the Empire's allure due to his internalized shame. I've written about this already at length, so this time I want examine his character through the lens of self-harm.

I've cited self-harming behavior as a stabilizing factor of a coercive system. There are many ways Crosshair is self-harming. Fo example, he isolates himself from the Bad Batch and instead chooses to spend 32 days abandoned on a platform on Kamino until the Empire picks him up. In The Solitary Clone, Crosshair fires the shot that kills the rightful governor. I have seen a take that argues he does that because he wants to prevent Cody from having to do it, but think about who else is in the room: the Imperial Governor, Crosshair's superior, is watching the scene. The panopticon isn't just an abstract notion in this moment, Crosshair is literally under surveillance.

Self-harm always contains a self-shaming component (I don't need to cite sources for that, do I? Let me know if this is not evident). And Crosshair is walking down the path he is because he's unable to face his shame. He is too ashamed to walk away from the Empire, because then all the harm he inflicted on himself and others would have been for nothing. Chronic shame is an emotion that threatens the core of one's being. That's why he needs to believe that he is worth something, even if that something is being a deadly tool for the Empire.

If you look at real-life coercive systems (for example cults, or certain political subgroups) you will notice a rhetoric of constant self-apotheosis that claims an inherent superiority of its members. At the same time, inner-group shaming is such an integral part of the system that it's often ritualized (dogpiling; a specific catalogue of insults that is used; public punishments). Ritualized self-harm is very much part of it (public repenting; engaging in dangerous group behaviors: think of frat students dueling).

Crosshair allowing the Empire to use him is a form of self-harm. Crosshair shooting Tawni Ames on Desix is a form of self-harm. And Cody analyzes this so swiftly, so pointedly, it leaves Crosshair speechless. "We make our own decisions." Cody says. "Our own choices. And we have to live with them too." Crosshair is committing all these atrocious acts in the name of the Empire, and so far ignores how it shaped him; in the season 1 finale Crosshair claims in front of Hunter that this is his true self he has always been; a lie, for course, any lying to oneself is a form of self-harm also.

After the talk with Cody, Crosshair doesn't sleep well even though he did before. After Cody's precise diagnosis, Crosshair can't lie to himself anymore. Even worse, after this ordeal, he is still drawing suspicions from his superior after Cody defects. "It appears he has gone AWOL." Rampart casually says "Clone loyalty does not seem to be as advertised anymore. Funny, isn't it? How these clones around you keep disappearing."

Spending 32 days on a desolate platform. Murdering people. All these sacrifices and Crosshair is still under scrutiny.

See, there is a tipping point to even the most stable coercive system; shame does an incredible job to stabilize a system, until it becomes too much and people either leave because the costs of leaving are lower in comparison (like Cody does), or they self-destruct (like Crosshair does?). The problem is, Crosshair is used to endure a lot of shame (as a 'defective clone') and a lot of pain; and these qualities *keep* him in the system rather than enable him to leave it, until he can overcome his inferiority complex.

In any case, Crosshair's arc is one of developing self-love (if positive) or succumbing to self-destruction (if negative).

(pls no season 2 spoilers, I haven't fully watched it yet)

So this point might have been made but I would once again like to link the Death of the Clones and to the Fall of the Republic

We all knew that the downfall of the Republic went hand-in-hand with Order 66. In Clone Wars, Filoni, as we all knew, emphasized the clones’ death in the series finale as much as the Jedi’s in the movies. He places real emphasis on the effect it had on the clones, who we had grown to see as individuals, as people, while the Emperor saw them as a means to an end. 

However, not only does Filoni acutely break our hearts by showing us the other side of the coin, he makes an interesting association throughout the show. The end of the Jedi means the end of the Republic, it’s true, but, in most media types, Luke Skywalker rebuilds the Jedi Order in a new way and helps preserve their legacy. The Empire is done away with and the Republic restored. 

Or is it?

On one side, the New Republic and the Jedi show the resurrection of an old idea in new ways, a transformation in order to adapt to new ideals. 

But the Old Republic is dead. The time of the Jedi intermeshed with the Republic is gone and buried, another story to be passed down as more of a cautionary tale than the height of an ancient order. 

You know who else is dead? That never gets revived or reformed? The clones. 

Our brave boys in every color under the sun die, and they never return, not in any way that prolongs them. 

You see, they age on the double. During wartime, this was so they could get more troops on the field faster. Afterwards? It’s pretty convenient that they die twice as fast as the rest of the population. And even though surviving clones such as Rex and Wolffe and Gregor, the main ones we truly know about surviving later on at this point in the Star Wars Canon, made huge contributions to the Republic, it ultimately will not benefit them from a genetic or cultural standpoint. 

Culturally, they were dead the moment the Emperor gave the order. 

And, here’s the kicker, so was the Republic. 

The Republic spent its last years mired in politics and war rooms and, as Filoni likes to remind us, clones. 

I’m still going through my rewatch of the clone wars, but there are a few prominent scenes that come to mind that make Filoni’s point, intentioned or not, extremely clear. 

The first is this gif of Commander Thorn’s death. 

As Thorn falls back after his admittedly badass last stand, he lands in the center of what I would describe as a symbol of the Republic. The gear’s right there, formed by the droids. 

This, of course, is just one of several moments where the Republic symbol is made, but it is a popular scene and a good example for the point I’m trying to make. 

Thorn in this picture, takes the place of the Republic. And just as the clone dies, so, too, does the Republic.

Don’t believe me?

Fives very literally held the secret to the clones’s survival. And, as we all know, had the clones had full control, it is likely the Republic would not have fallen, or at least not as dramatically and without the multiple genocides on its way out. 

Fives, in the gif above, is surrounded by the Republic symbol once again, only this time by other clones. It’s poetic, in a way, that two clones struggling to save their people die in a Republic symbol. Almost as if the fate of the Republic hinges on the fate of the clones. 

And if that doesn’t cover it enough for you, if you truly don’t see the connection between the clones and the Republic, I’d like you to meet a dear clone whom we all love:

Jesse. 

The only clone I’ve seen with a big ass tattoo of the Republic symbol stamped right there on his damn face. 

Jesse, who truly believed in the Republic and had served long enough to be the only clone other than Rex to keep his helmet creatively apart after Ahsoka’s return. 

Jesse, whose death marks the start of the Empire. His destruction and death under Order 66 marks the turning point in Clone Wars. Before they got the call on that ship, the Republic was alive and basically done with the war. But as soon as that ship crashed, as soon as we see that Jesse is well and truly dead, buried and respects and everything, the next scene, the very next scene, features Darth Vader and the Empire. 

The clones were the canaries of the Republic. When they died, the Republic followed. 

jedi as headlines

a/n: thank you sm for all the love on my clones version! on a serious not we all agree that kit, obi, and quin are the queer sluts of the jedi order right? are there any other characters you would like to see?

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ahsoka

anakin

kit

mace

obi-wan

plo

qui-gon

quinlan

shaak

yoda

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Mon Mothma shares her dreams with ghosts too.

She looks into the mirror and sees Padme, the one that manged to convince her to do this whole thing to begin with. Everyone says she died during childbirth, but Mon Mothma knows better, and she knows Bail knows better too.

Sometimes she confuses the stormtrooper helmets for clones’ but after she hears their near robotic voices she snaps out of it.

After Luthen dies, she hears his voice nagging her to start the war, to not hold back anymore. She fights that voice every day for the months/days leading up to Scariff.

Then Saw dies. She never agreed with his methods, but as two people who had survived the Clone Wars and now were nearing another war, she couldn’t help but have some respect for him and feel sad at his passing. A true fighter until the very end.

Then Cassian dies. She knew Cassian for a while personally, mostly through Luthen, but she remembers their small, late-night talks, pondering what would happen if the Empire fell, she remembers her sending him on the most classified missions because he was the most loyal, trustworthy rebel she knew, she remembers the anger, hatred, and fear that created wrinkles on his young face but the kindness and light behind his eyes. That light is now gone from the galaxy.

Then Bail dies. Bail Organa was the closest thing the senator had to a brother, the man who would give his life to make sure the sun rose on a better galaxy for his daughter, the man that was the mastermind behind the entire alliance. Everything that was here, the galaxy wouldn’t have without him.

After Endor, Mon Mothma looks back at it, back at everything, back at all the people and places she had to sacrifice for this sun to rise again, and she asks herself: “was it worth it?”

And every voice, in unison, answers:

Yes.

A little drawing I drew earlier this year, thinking about how amazing I’d be to see satine and breha together, they’d be besties.

Think about this: Satine as a teenager, with her ideals of peace, looking for inspiration of peaceful and prosperous planets all around the galaxy, and Breha, the heir of the throne of one of the most influential of them.

I was reblogging just to say that yeah, there is a wonderful fic where Satine and Breha are actually friends only to see that the amazing writer of that beautiful fic already liked the post.

I feel like I can never win as a Satine fan, cus every time I make a post defending her from one thing, there’s always a comment like “yea!!! We should hate her for other reasons”

Idk what it is about Satine that makes her so hated from every angle.

People are always looking to blame her for something and it’s just so frustrating. To Mando stans she’s the one that ruined Mandalore, to Obi-Wan stans she’s an easy villain to prop up their sopping wet fave.

And it just feels so antithetical to what the prequels era of Star Wars is about, ya know? That all of the characters were living in a doomed world, but they did their best despite it. All of the characters and systems are flawed and that’s what’s compelling about it. We can sit around and debate until the end of time if Satine was responsible for the collapse of Mandalore, but it literally doesn’t matter because it would have been crushed by the empire anyway.

I don’t mind critiquing Satine, but nearly every character in the fucking show is critique worthy. Even very virtuous characters like Padmé. You can critique Satine for being overzealous with her pacifism, but I so rarely see people give her the benefit of the doubt. Or try to see from her perspective.

The Mandalorian Civil War was said to have been a fucking blood bath. The system barely limped its way out of it, and yea, after living though that I can see how Satine could have been radicalized against violence. She did what she thought was right to salvage her culture.

I truly don’t think a lot of people on this fanbase appreciates how fucking interesting a pacifist leader of a warrior culture is. I love the pew pew Mandos too, but some of y’all are too caught up in how cool they are to remember that VIOLENCE IS BAD!!! And it’s completely fucking valid for someone to want to change that. Satine offers a incredibly interesting perspective, especially as a neutral party in the clone wars, and seeing people paint her as some kind of one note villain drives me crazy.

Conversations about the Mandalorians, what pacifism means, and when is violence necessary, just get fucking lost in a sea of bad faith takes about the bad lady who ruined the cool space warriors.

And if you blame Satine for the fall of Mandalore, if you find yourself saying “she made Mandalore weak with her pacifism.” Maybe just ask yourself why you think that. Why you blame the victim of the situation, and not the fucking Sith Lord who orchestrated the take over of Mandalore. Why you take the perspective of the in show villains who up rooted the peace on Mandalore because they saw her as weak.

This was heated and ramble-y but I’m just so over Satine’s treatment in this fandom, and I haven’t even touched on the way so called Obi-Wan fans treat her. I need to clam down and maybe drink some water.

I am 10,000% not kidding: this is easily one of my favorite things anyone has ever said in Star Wars. She is SO MAD, and the angry hand gestures and the sass-face just…I get you, Satine, I do. I will buy you a martini. 

This woman had a hissy fit that included HITHER AND YON, said in total seriousness. To Obi-Wan Kenobi. In the Senate Parking Lot. 

Cosplaying this part was SO MUCH FUN.

I am 10,000% not kidding: this is easily one of my favorite things anyone has ever said in Star Wars. She is SO MAD, and the angry hand gestures and the sass-face just…I get you, Satine, I do. I will buy you a martini. 

This woman had a hissy fit that included HITHER AND YON, said in total seriousness. To Obi-Wan Kenobi. In the Senate Parking Lot.