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Welcome to Tumblr.

We don’t say “retweet” or “share”. We say “reblog”.

We don’t say “the power’s out”. We say “the Tumbeasts are causing a ruckus again”.

We don’t say “gay”. We say “yaoi”.

We don’t say “brave”. We say “Dauntless”.

We don’t say “Halloween”. We say “Spoopy Day”.

We don’t remember 9/11. We remember the Sherlock series finale.

We don’t say “unalive”. We say “kill yourself”.

We don’t use “tone indicators”. We use Danganronpa sprites.

We don’t say “farm”. We say “cottagecore”.

We don’t say “he’s so hot”. We say “MY OVARIES!” or “MY PROSTATE!”.

We don’t say “windmill”. We say “giant” or “dragon”.

And we’ll never fucking change. Not for Twitter hipsters, not for Apple, not for anyone!

flowerpotmage

zozzlez

not feeling very hundred emoji flame emoji today

palmer

well I am so 💯🔥💯🔥

🧯💨

0️⃣🌫0️⃣🌫

just discovered a new type of girl in the wild today. watched this girl walk out of the convenience store and bite her energy drink open

he sucks at music

fuck off cunt

please bring back 2014 indie pop (i could care less that a few of these songs were pre or post the 2014 era if the song fits it fits)

cecelia and the satellite by andrew mcmahon in the wilderness
i wanna get better by bleachers
cigarette daydreams by cage the elephant
ways to go by grouplove
girls by the 1975
miracle mile by cold war kids
take a walk by passion pit
little talks by of monsters and men
tongue tied by grouplove
midnight city by m83
undercover martyn by two door cinema club
i can talk by two door cinema club
young blood by the naked and famous
kids by mgmt
1901 by phoenix
young folks by peter bjorn and john
daylight by matt & kim
animal by neon trees
stolen dance by milky chance
out of my league by fitz and the tantrums
talk too much by coin
greek tragedy by the wombats
chocolate by the 1975
anna sun by walk the moon
everybody talks by neon trees
what you know by two door cinema club
dancing on glass by st lucia

Kinda fucked up and nasty how vampires drink blood, imo. Like. Pepsi costs a dollar seventy five

Hospital

Not me I’m paying a dollar seventy five. At the hospital

I feel like we’re getting off topic

bitegore

So is pepsi if you steal it?

Because it’s only a dollar seventy five

aromancy

Why in God's name would a vampire drink pepsi

testicularmanslaughtrr

Why would anyone drink Pepsi?

Huh?

That’s why I’m not a fan of the sexy vampire trope.

1. It’s overused and supports the current status quote of typical vampire supremacy:worshiping rich folk.

2. Vampires prey upon humans and therefore symbolize capitalists preying on the working class.

3. Werewolves are much sexier imo.

star-lara

am I having a stroke????

felagund-fiollaigean

you might want to go to the hospital then

sherlockfandomtandem

I hear the Pepsi is cheaper there

i-give-mangos-to-people

mortimermcmirestinks

Enter DAISY GRIME, a CLOWN, accompanied by FOOLS, HARLEQUINS, and JESTERS.

GRIME I say ‘tis dirty, wicked, foul, and dark -- An opportunity both miss’d and scorn’d -- That vampires of any shape or shade Would drink the blood of innocence most pure When Pepsi costs a dollar sev’nty five.

FIRST FOOL O lady, I must ask, and tell the truth: Wherever in this God’s green holy land Canst thou obtain this drink for such a fee? I’ve seen no less than fifty-five pence more.

GRIME A hospital, good sir.

SECOND FOOL (Does some figures) And might I ask Wherever in this land (of any hue) Is fellow who two dollar thirty pence Dost pay for si of Pep?

GRIME Not I, i’faith. I pay a mere two shillings short of two. And, once again, I pay in hospital.

CANADIAN JESTER I pay a hefty two and half for mine. But in my blood runs maple syrup, too.

GRIME O Jester fine, I pray thee, still thyself. Thou stray’st from this, our mode of speaking here.

FIRST FOOL But blood costs naught but time.

SECOND JESTER Aye, that is true; But sir, remember this in figuring: A Pepsi, too, is free, if stolen ‘tis.

FIRST FOOL I see, but -- wait, another thought occurs. Wherefore, I ask thee, for what reason, sirs, Dost Lady Grime buy Pepsi from the house Of healing, birth, and death?

GRIME ‘Tis simple, friend. Allow me to explain to thee the cause. The Pepsi sold by those who follow in The footsteps of St. Luke, Evangelist Is sold for a mere dollar sev’nty five.

FIRST HARLEQUIN (Aside, to SECOND HARLEQUIN) Why wouldst a vampire drink Pepsi, then?

SECOND HARLEQUIN (Aside, to FIRST HARLEQUIN) Why wouldst an honest man drink Pepsi, sir?

FIRST FOOL A femboy, it would seem.

(There is general applause and agreement.)

GRIME O fool, a what?

Enter KONAHRIKS De’ACTIVAT EDZOZ ESQ., a SCHOLAR and WARD OF THE SKY.

WARD You see, my friends, this selfsame story tells The truth of why the incubus’s tale Is one that bears to no more to be declared. I’ll tell you all my reasons three. The first: The wealthy ghoul who drinks the common blood Is overused and stale, like molding bread; But also hangs upon the teller’s face A pallid, gasping idol worship mask. The second mark I tally here along: A vampire who sucks the blood from men Does hold up in the mind a mirror cold. This mirror shows that, far from fantasy, The vampire is real, ‘tis Elon Musk. The reason third is simple, clean, and pure: A werewolf’s just, like, sexier, my dudes.

(GRIME dances like a ferret. There is rejoicing.)

Exeunt.

Enter LARA, FELAGUND, and SHERLOCK, accompanied by the MANGO MERCHANT.

LARA I feel these words have struck me to my core. Is this, the world, collapsing to the ground Or is it just my weary, shaking soul?

FELAGUND ‘Twould seem my lady needs to see St. Luke.

SHERLOCK I’ve heard his fellows sell a Pepsi cheap.

(The MANGO MERCHANT offers a mango. All weep.)

Exeunt.

addiewho

Alright that’s it, we’ve got the Shakespearan translation too, this post is complete now.

happy pride

literal goosebumps

Remember.

TumblrClan is no place for a fox-hearted Twittypet like Elon Musk.

Turn the reblogs back on coward

uberguber89

It's very simple. If you can't handle the cringe, we don't want you here. It has nothing to do with Twitter! Twitter was just a reminder.

concave-asscheeks

genvy

i haven’t stopped thinking about this since last night

"oh mein gott" destroyed germany, "woa mama mia cunt" destroyed italy, and "naur" destroyed australia. who is next?

"forcing your guest to sit alone while your family eats together downstairs" has destroyed sweden

anarcho-skamunist

If you went to a bar and the bartender was a mousegirl you could ask for a drink and she would balance it on her head and say "for you, it's on the mouse"

bogleech

The entire population of Sweden getting collectively called out on twitter is funny as hell so far because every single tweet by a Swedish person is either like “first of all being racist is my cultural heritage…” or it’s “god, finally, I’ve been trying to tell everyone for years that my country is full of assholes”

bogleech

Oh I guess this didn’t spill over enough to tumblr so this is what happened:

There was a twitter thread asking people about their weirdest encounters with someone else’s cultural practices.
Someone said that when they were just a child, they visited with a Swedish family who made them stay in another room while they ate meals and didn’t offer them any food or snacks.
This picked up lots of responses like “wait, what? That happened to me too but I just thought this one family were freaks???”
I don’t need to tell most people why most reactions to this were positively aghast that anyone anywhere expects guests to either bring their own food or just suffer.
The thread truly exploded only when some Swedes not only admitted to it but got defensive about it, calling it selfish and childish to expect food as a guest. Yes even from personal friends and yes even as children, because you should apparently actually be grateful enough that you’re even allowed in someone else’s home at all.
Other Swedish citizens chimed in to say they feel like they’re in the minority for having any concept of sharing or giving in general and that their other Swedish friends keep track of every cent they owe them for every little thing.
Immigrant and racial minority Swedes began to add that the whole “be grateful you’re even allowed here” attitude is how they’re treated everywhere they go just for existing.
From there, a whole lot of discussion, again mostly from people living there, about how Sweden has a cutesy, harmless image to most of the world only because its leadership and media work so hard to downplay its true prevalence of active white supremacy and hardcore nationalism.
“#swedengate” starts trending.
Sweden is being cancelled like it’s a celebrity and every Swede who gets upset about it just immediately demonstrates exactly what was being criticized in the first place:

Actually this part in itself is not funny at all. It’s just funny how many of them had to lock or delete their accounts like they genuinely thought these were normal things to say.

zozzlez

aflo

do you think the morbius meme is putting a strain on jared leto's cult? do you think when he tries to give a speech somebody in the crowd says "it's morbin time!" and he gets red in the face and yells "i never said that in the movie! it never happened! it's not real!"