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MY DISASTER

@phsycotik-fox3

I don't know what I'm doing, but I do know a lot about myself. I'm mentally troubled. I have a deep range of dark emotion. I am trying to deal with it better. I'm brain damaged & this is me, doing my best. Cats and all animals are my anti depressants. But so is alcohol, and drugs. Oh, and The Simpsons. I wish I was having sex more, but hey, whatcha g'on do. I am a Goth Girl, Metal /Rock Chick. I'm a complete SPOOKY GIRL. LOVE HORROR AND ANYTHING DARK AND SCARY. And as almost 99.9% of Goths, BLACK is my favourite colour. BLACK 🖤 IS BEAUTIFUL.

After four years searching in the North Sea, the persistence of three divers finally paid off with the finding of the famed HMS Gloucester shipwreck, dubbed the single most significant maritime discovery since the raising of the Mary Rose.

It baffles me how different everyone’s lives are but damn imagine not knowing the small parts of self harm. It’s not just blood and crying and feeling alone it’s also realizing you’ve run out of the good bandaids and now you have to use the shit ones

It’s not having enough money to buy bandaids and pencil sharpeners so you have to choose

It’s feeling a scab start to come off in the middle of a conversation and hoping that your sleeve doesn’t get soaked in blood

It’s trying to convince yourself to fall asleep before you give in

It’s trying to decide between cutting and burning and bruising because you can’t decide which one you deserve

It’s choosing which blade you think is the sharpest

It’s finding bandaid wrappers and bloody tissues literally everywhere

It’s both never wanting anyone to find out and desperately wanting someone to notice

I hear your voice and it's loud in my head. I feel for you.

I just wanna fucking scream! I'm doing my fucking best right now, doing everything I can to smile and be strong for my tiny family. But I just want to get wasted and slash or slice my arms,and fuck someone who is probably the worst kinda man for me, also probably a really great shag. Jesus fucking Christ! Aaaaaagghhhhh!!

For a decade, a beekeeper near Athens, has kept a tradition: every spring, he slips icons of Christ, the Holy Virgin and different saints in his beehives, in order to bless his bees and his yearly honey production. And every year, the very same mysterious phenomenon occurs: bees make their honeycomb cells around the pious images, meticulously avoiding covering them. 

Will things ever get better again? Idk,but I wish I had a friend to do things with. My anxiety halts my excitement for all the things I want to do. Even just going for a long walk. *Sigh. I guess if I'm honest with myself,I am lonely. I have my Son, but he's 18. He's creating his own life. I can't put my wants on to him. And my mum , she's 67 and housebound. She's a riot, and I love chilling with her,but she's not going to be going for a hike any time soon. I just don't meet people doing the stuff that I do. And because of the anxiety/paranoia I always have my earphones in with my music up loud, or my head in my phone looking through Reddit, Imgur,or here. I really hope things change soon for the better. And I have to get a cat to make my new flat a home. Now breath. 🖤🤍🐈‍⬛🐈