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Reflections of a Queer Artist

@phoenixtawnyflower / phoenixtawnyflower.tumblr.com

Phoenix Tawnyflower, jack of all art-related trades. I write about trans people speaking Spanish, and consequently my blog is a mashup of queer stuff, language/linguistics stuff, writing advice, story ideas, commentary on other writing I like, and actual personal updates. They/them pronouns. Actual adult.

The more I get back into liking, loving and lusting on people, the more I'm reminded what a sanitized, segregated lie queers have been built into.

I've met the sweetest, prettiest queens who tell me "Well, I'm a transsexual. Sometimes I call myself a transman because both my trans self and my manhood are me."

New friends tell me about the sexcapades their closed polycule gets up to that they just watch because they're a kinky ace.

There's staunch lesbians who helped the love of their life transition as a transmasc, gay men begging to be topped by trans men with the fattest tits.

Older queers don't hesitate to shout "oh, like Prince!" when I tell them I'm androgyne. Vanilla questioning men will text me day after day before shyly confessing I'm their dream guy. Closeted trans women ask to kiss me because I'm their dream girl. Doms and subs who melt when they realize I'm both and neither, and they didn't know somebody like me existed.

There's vanilla lesbians on Grindr and acearos who have shown me love deeper than I thought possible and guydykes kissing girlfags and MtFtMtX elders and throuples that have so much affection that they just collectively parent babygays who got disowned.

Everybody is so beautiful! There is so much love! It is no wonder a cruel world has a vested interest in suppressing queerness when humanity is so expansive to us.

I also want to make it explicit that not only are these real people, but like. This is explicitly about people I know across the spectrum of race, ability, and more. Including me, a fat cripple!

Queerness is not the exclusive domain of the thin, the white, and the ablebodied. If you are any of those things and can only picture queer people like you? You need to ask yourself why.

That's why I'm making this addition. It is on me as a white person to make the room for queer BIPOC that is vehemently, violently denied. And I did not make that room in the original post.

Intersectional and lateral aggression kills. There's no "community" without U and I.

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Gather round, children. Auntie Jules has a degree in psychology with a specialization in social psychology, and she doesn’t get to use it much these days, so she’s going to spread some knowledge.

We love saying representation matters. And we love pointing to people who belong to social minorities being encouraged by positive representation as the reason why it matters. And I’m here to tell you that they are only a part of why it matters.

The bigger part is schema.

Now a schema is just a fancy term for your brain’s autocomplete function. Basically, you’ve seen a certain pattern enough times that your brain completes the equation even when you have incomplete information.

One of the ways we learned about this was professional chess players vs. people who had no experience with chess.

If you take a chess board and you set it up according to a pattern that is common in chess playing (I’m one of those people who knows jack shit about chess), and you show it to both groups of people, and then you knock all the pieces off the board, the pro chess players will be able to return it to its prior state almost perfectly with no trouble, because they looked at it and they said, “Oh, this is the fifth move of XYZ Strategy, so these pieces would be here.”

The people who don’t know about chess are like, “Uh, I think one of the horses was over here, and maybe there was a castle over there?”

BUT, if you just put the pieces randomly on the board before you showed it to them, then the amateurs were more likely to have a higher rate of accuracy in returning the pieces to the board, because the pros are SO entrenched in their knowledge of strategy patterns that it impairs their ability to see what is actually there if it doesn’t match a pattern they already know.

Now some of y’all are smart enough to see where this is going already but hang on because I’m never gonna get to be a college professor so let me get my lecture on for a second.

Let’s say for a second that every movie and TV show on television ever shows black men who dress in loose white T-shirts and baggy pants as carrying guns 90% of the time, and when they get mad, they pull that gun out and wave it in some poor white woman’s face. I mean, sounds fake, right? But go with it.

Now let’s say that you’re out walking around in real life, and you see a black man wearing a white T-shirt and loose-fitting jeans. 

And let’s say he reaches for something in his pocket.

And let’s say you can’t see what he’s reaching for. Maybe it’s his wallet. Maybe it’s his cell phone or car keys. Maybe it’s a bag of Skittles.

But on TV and movies, every single time a black man in comfortable, casual clothes reaches for something you can’t see, it turns out to be a gun.

So you see this.

And your brain screams “GUN!!!” before he even comes up with anything. And chances are even if you SEE the cell phone, your brain will still think “GUN!!!” until he does something like put it up to his ear. (Unless you see the pattern of non-threatening black men more often than you see the narrative of them as a threat, in which case, the pattern you see more often will more likely take precedence in this situation.)

Do you see what I’m saying?

I’m saying that your brain is Google’s autocomplete for forms, and that if you type something into it enough, that is going to be what the function suggests to you as soon as you even click anywhere near a box in a form.

And our brains functioning this way has been a GREAT advantage for us as a species, because it means we learn. It means that we don’t have to think about things all the way through all the time. It saves us time in deciding how to react to something because the cues are already coded into our subconscious and we don’t have to process them consciously before we decide how to act.

But it also gets us into trouble. Did you know that people are more likely to take someone seriously if they’re wearing a white coat, like the kind medical doctors wear, or if they’re carrying a clipboard? Seriously, just those two visual cues, and someone is already on their way to believing what you tell them unless you break the script entirely and tell them something that goes against an even more deeply ingrained schema.

So what I’m saying is, representation is important, visibility is important, because it will eventually change the dominant schemas. It takes consistency, and it takes time, but eventually, the dominant narrative will change the dominant schema in people’s minds.

It’s why when everyone was complaining that same-sex marriage being legal wouldn’t really change anything for LGB people who weren’t in relationships, some people kept yelling that it was going to make a huge difference, over time, because it would contribute to the visibility of a narrative in which our relationships were normalized, not stigmatized. It would contribute to changing people’s schemas, and that would go a long way toward changing what they see as acceptable, as normal, and as a foregone conclusion.

So in conclusion: Representation is hugely important, because it’s probably one of the single biggest ways to change people’s behavior, by changing their subconscious perception.

(It is also why a 24-hour news cycle with emphasis on deconstructing every. single. moment. of violent crimes is SUCH A TERRIBLE SOCIETAL INFLUENCE, but that is a rant for another post.)

I love a good lecture.

I think that’s also why bad representation is worse than no representation.

With no representation you still don’t have an schema. Well, you do. It’s why most of us have to make a conscious effort to stop thinking as white as the default for example. But when presented with a new situation we’re more likely to change that.

But with bad representation we have that schema built in. It’s not just white/straight/cis/male is the default, it’s also why different ends up being bad.

PSA: i keep seeing posts about staying cool in extreme heat that include advice like "gatorade is bad actually!" and "don't drink fruit juice it'll just dehydrate you!" and neither of these are true!

regarding fruit juice: there's apparently a misconception that Any Sugar At All will dehydrate you, and that's simply not true. yes, sugar will make you pee more when consumed in large amounts, but 1) the natural sugar in fruits won't do this to you 2) great news! a lot of fruit juices exist without any added sugar in them! 3) honestly even having a glass of the fruit juice with added sugar won't completely dehydrate you as long as you're also drinking water throughout the day. if its hot you deserve a cold treat of a drink!!! can't go wrong with fruit juice!!!

regarding gatorade: maybe this isn't an every day drink, but guess what: if it's 110F/40C or hotter outside, and you don't have AC, or you're moving around a lot outside of the AC, and you're sweating buckets: that's when you drink a gatorade.

gatorade exists to replenish all the electrolytes (salt) and glucose (sugar) that you sweat out. YES it is meant for athletes to drink during intensive work outs and not necessarily for people who aren't doing that kind of exercise. BUT GUESS WHAT! when you're sweating buckets because you had to walk to the bus in extreme heat, that's intensive exercise. please feel free to drink a gatorade after that! that's its intended use case!!!!

no: neither of these drinks should be a total replacement for water. but drinking a lot of water and then treating yourself to a fruit juice with lunch is a good idea!!! drinking a gatorade becuase you just had to walk for 20 minutes in the heat is a good idea!!!

Please Stop Spreading Misinformation About Drinks!!! It's fine if you drink things that aren't water!!!! Yes you should probably always be drinking water but drinking something else As Well isn't going to hurt you!!!! okay!!!! its fine!!!!!!

honestly so long as you are consistently getting Any (non-alcoholic) fluids in you, you're doing great!!!!!! okay!!!! i love you stay safe <3

shakespeare characters having weird reactions to deaths: macbeth / hamlet / julius caesar

sorry to be pedantic outside of the tags but i love these as exhibits a b and c of why the “shakespeare is meant to be performed” cliche is real; on the page they look wild but actors know how to read the embedded stage directions

two of these examples can’t be shared lines of iambic pentameter (both gertrude’s line and brutus’ are already rushed and irregular at eleven syllables, so laertes and cassius both get their full ten beats for two or three words) and one of them doesn’t have to be (macduff and malcolm’s lines add up to ten beats indicating that it’s shared but no one will call the scansion cops on you if you split it into two and divvy up the extra ten syllables between them, which imo is the more playable option)

remember that verse is symphonic and that those extra syllables are notes in the orchestration of the scene— they have to go somewhere, either into beats of rest or sound. there’s a lot of ways to score any of these moments but one possibile notation for the first is

MACD: your royal father’s murdered.

(rest/ rest/ rest/ rest/ rest/)

MAL: oh.

(rest / rest / rest/ rest/ rest/) ...

by whom?

all that silence affords the director a moment to let a lightning-fast scene (the entire cast pouring onstage in ones and twos, yelling over each other at varying levels of authenticity) come to a screeching halt, and the severity of the situation set in. for the actor it’s playable as all hell, and ultimately very human: the kind of raw shock that makes you ask stupid questions. you get the same thing with laertes. tbh i’ve always found “drowned? (rest / rest /) oh. (rest / rest / rest / rest/ rest /) .....where?” to be utterly goddamn devastating in how realistic it is, bc what else can you say to that? if someone told you with no warning that your sister drowned, what else would come out of your mouth in the moment but something stupid and mundane? oh. ..........where did it happen?

the other notable similarity in these three moments is the use of un-words: two ‘o’s and a ‘ha’ (they aren’t meant to be pronounced exactly like “Oh” or “Ha”; traditionally shakespearean un-words are performed as unarticulated sounds, sighs, groans, exhalations etc). un-words leap out to the actor because it is a character rendered speechless. i made a post a few weeks ago about how big of a deal it is when people written by william shakespeare dont have words for what they’re experiencing/when the pain is so big that even in a metanarrative universe where you are only the words you speak you are forced to admit that something is unspeakable, and every “o” or “ha” or “ah” etc is a moment of this horror, this defeat at the hands of your own medium

it’s a rich moment for actors because in classical text it’s frowned upon to act “outside” of the line (to waste vocal qualities on things that aren’t words, ie to take a pause from speaking your richly layered monologue to let out a pained exhale. “act on the line” says your director, smacking you on the knuckles with a copy of freeing shakespeare’s voice), it’s diva-y and amateurish to take more syllables than you’re given. but when you’re given the space of ten beats for “ha portia”, who will dare call you a scene hog for stretching that “ha” into five notes of agonized, wordless noise?

in the same way that lear’s “howl howl howl” is very much not just the word ‘howl’ said three times these moments demand full, shattering vulnerability from the actor, a dive into the place in the body where pain lives. maybe laertes and malcolm really do say “oh.”, quiet and childlike, or maybe that ‘o’ is a stand-in for the all-air sound that shakes out of you when you get punched in the lungs and try to talk through it, or for that deep animal groan you heard that made you think what was that before you realized it was coming out of your own throat

anyway you get what i mean. you wouldn’t look at a blueprint and say you saw the house, you wouldn’t read the sheet music and say you heard the symphony, etc

I think it should bother us more that people are getting used to saying AFAB and AMAB where what they actually mean is "person who is/was read by the majority of the population as a ___". It's just replacing man/woman/girl/boy with new words.

"image description: an AFAB person" no! the whole point is you can't tell by looking! What you wanted to say there was "girl", and you've learned you can't say that because the person might not be a girl, but you also don't know what's on that person's birth certificate!

(now people usually do this to pictures of themselves, in which case they do know what's on their birth certificate, but the point is that it's not useful as an image description.)

"as an AMAB person, I'm not always welcome in nonbinary spaces" nobody is checking your birth certificate. They're clocking your physical features and filing you into the 'man' box in their head, which is shitty, but is a thing that could happen to a transmasc nonbinary person too.

"as an AFAB person, I frequently find that people don't listen to me at work" people don't listen to you at work because they read you as a woman. We've heard enough stories about trans men who are never read as women anymore who find that they can suddenly get things done, right? And trans women who are not read as men who find that they suddenly can't?

"AMAB people need to understand that if they're blocking my way to the mailbox, I'm running a cost/benefit analysis on whether I should get the mail" stop it. You're running that analysis on people you perceive as male, and you're trying not to get in trouble for assuming someone's gender, but you've swapped it out for a different assumption, which honestly I like even less. Many people do code their appearance to signal an area of the gender spectrum on purpose, after all.

I empathize, I really do. It's a pain to spit out this long string of words to convey your meaning when one will do. And look, as a society we haven't gotten to the point where we don't have use for the concept of the default assumption of a person's gender. As long as we're living in this world where decisions are made based on that default assumption, it's silly to try and not have words to describe it.

I propose we bring back "passing" as a concept. People got all up in arms about this one because they're reading it as something akin to "counterfeit money that can pass for real" and they decided it was implying trans men aren't real men and trans women aren't real women, and I never hear it anymore. But why should we let that limit us?

Suppose Alice is a cis butch lesbian who is frequently addressed as 'sir' in public and may or may not bother to correct the person. Why shouldn't Alice say she can pass for male?

My parents are cis and gender conforming, what's to stop me from saying my mother passes for female to explain why her boss talks over her and not her coworker?

I'm nonaligned nonbinary, but I'm 5'7" and have an hourglass figure and I wear a lot of skirts and keep the top part of my hair chin-length, why shouldn't I say I usually pass as female? And why shouldn't I say that if I wear my hair up and choose pants and a baggy shirt that I can pass for male? Why should this imply anything about what my gender actually is?

I saw a person at the smoothie place today with zero visible secondary sexual characteristics, wearing their hair in an afro and dressed in a t-shirt and sweats, what's to stop me from saying that's a person who could pass for either?

Either, because there's no such thing as passing for nonbinary, not in America or any other dominant culture I personally know of. (I am not willing to make generalizations for the entire world.) Even if you're completely androgynous, only a very small subset of people, most of them trans, will look at you and go "oh I bet that's a nonbinary person." And all of those people already know that they can't actually assume gender. Most people's brains go instead to "I can't tell that person's gender."

idk, I just think it's worth having a framework for explaining how default assumptions about us color the ways we interact with the world. And we have this nice handy word that already means that and doesn't still imply that we can tell what a person's genitalia looked like as a baby by looking at them.

i understand that a lot of ppl are coming off the heels of twitter & tiktok so i just wanted 2 say that if you think you are trans but don't feel specifically transmasculine or transfeminine and feel fucked up over having to pick something that's not you, you can identify as a trans neutral, nonbinary, or just trans. u do not have to identify with them if they don't fit. transmasculine is not the "only" way to be trans if u are afab. transfeminine is not the "only" way to be trans if u are amab. hope this helps

people with siblings love saying shit like "you never played first degree murder knife chase?"

people with siblings love to say "oh that's just what having siblings is like" and then describe shit that sounds like it ought to be banned by the geneva convention

One very important note on the immense value of the Internet Archive that I haven't seen mentioned yet:

It crawls major newspapers like the New York Times multiple times per day.

For anything other than one of those scrolling updates breaking news pages, you can access it from the Archive usually within an hour or two of it being published. No paywall. You want international news? You got it. Opinion? That too. Recipes? It's all here. Page not yet archived? There's a button for that and now you got it.

There are various paywall-evading extensions and tricks out there, but they don't always work. This does.

Go forth and read the newspaper.

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What able bodied authors think I, an amputee and a wheelchair user, would want in a scifi setting:

  • Tech that can regenerate my old meat legs.
  • Robot legs that work just like meat legs and are functionally just meat legs but robot
  • Literally anything that would mean I don't have to use a wheelchair.
  • If I do need to use a wheelchair, make it fly or able to "walk me" upstairs

What I actually want:

  • Prosthetic covers that can change colour because I'm too indecisive to pick one colour/pattern for the next 5+ years.
  • A leg that I can turn off (seriously, my above knee prosthetic has no off switch... just... why?)
  • A leg that won't have to get refitted every time I gain or loose weight.
  • A wheelchair that I can teleport to me and legs I can teleport away when I'm too tierd to keep walking. And vice versa.
  • In that same vein, legs I can teleport on instead of having to fiddle around with the sockets for half an hour.
  • Prosthetic feet that don't require me to wear shoes. F*ck shoes.
  • Actually accessible architecture, which means when I do want to use my wheelchair, it's not an issue.
  • Prosthetic legs with dragon-claw feet instead of boring human feet or just digigrade prosthetics that are just as functional as normal human-shaped ones.
  • A manual wheelchair with the option to lift my seat up like those scissor-lift things so I'm not eye-level with everyone's butt on public transport/so I can reach the top shelf by myself.
  • A prosthetic foot that lights up when it hits the ground like those children's shoes.
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I’m once again returning to do god’s work by bringing you delightful moments from Spock’s World by Diane Duane.

There’s a Horta crewman on the Enterprise now and they’re great!

Uhura continues to be a total badass and is amazing at what she does.

The Enterprise has a dumpster fire chat room that has just as much shitposting and vitriol as twitter.

Amanda and Sarek are as charming as ever.

Just this.

I love Savesh the Vulcan farmer!

Vulcan wanting to leave the Federation because the ~vibes~ are off.

I would give anything to hear Sarek do a perfect Texas accent.

This dynamic is perfect, no notes.

I really hope the TOS Enterprise has crew performances like on Next Gen. This kazoo band needs to be heard! Also, I can perfectly picture Spock’s annoyed-but-tolerant expression as he resigns himself to the kazoo serenade.

Thank you @dianeduane for making me laugh!

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You’re welcome. 😊

In its way, it’s a serious book. But that never meant it had to be somber. …And in that one, as in all my other books, I made sure to enjoy myself. Because what’s the point otherwise? 😏

ok here’s the fucking thing about the stuff about them alienating old users with changes meant to bring in new users. as much as we all bitch and moan and hate the changes, we’re probably not going to leave, because there just aren’t good alternatives. like, where are you gonna go? twitter?? i think they know that they can do just about anything and the old users are gonna stay loyal purely out of a lack of alternative. that’s the issue

who are you when you are not watching tv or movies? when you aren't playing video games or reading a book or fanfiction or listening to music or whatever other kind of media that you engage with? who are you when your mind isn't in another world or story, when you are forced to sit with yourself and the only experience you have is your own sensorial life? can you define yourself outside of what you consume? who is that person? do you like them? can you bear it? can you bear it?

i am not asking if you can sit completely still and do absolutely nothing. are the only options a) consuming media or b) doing nothing? what lies outside of that? if you were to create space for a version of you outside of that, who might that be?

make things with your hands

please

This is the conservative/christian sign for abortion. This is the sign used by those who are pro-life. This is a sign that is sexist, that demonizes abortion, that is anti women’s autonomy and female rights. It declares fetuses as full babies someone is throwing away. This sign can be genuinely triggering to deaf women who have had abortions.

If you want to go full-neutral, you can finger sign abortion. 

Or, the scientific version (pregnancy-remove) that is considered the leftist way –

image

Do not spread the pro-life version. Conservatives specifically try to push their ways to sign things as the default. You are unintentionally helping overpower deaf women’s rights advocates.

begging y'all to say what sign language you're talking about when you make posts like this.

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Reblog if you're comfortable receiving crabs on Crab Day (July 29th) so all your beloved followers know who they can comfortably crab on crab day (July 29th) without feeling nervous about crabbing someone 9n Crab Day (July 29th).
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Hey. Why isn’t the moon landing a national holiday in the US. Isn’t that fucked up? Does anyone else think that’s absurd?

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It was a huge milestone of scientific and technological advancement. (Plus, at the time, politically significant). Humanity went to space! We set foot on a celestial body that was not earth for the first time in human history! That’s a big deal! I’ve never thought about it before but now that I have, it’s ridiculous to me that that’s not part of our everyday lives and the public consciousness anymore. Why don’t we have a public holiday and a family barbecue about it. Why have I never seen the original broadcast of the moon landing? It should be all over the news every year!

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It’s July 20th. That’s the day of the moon landing. Next year is going to be the 54th anniversary. I’m ordering astronaut shaped cookie cutters on Etsy and I’m going to have a goddamn potluck. You’re all invited.

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You deserve software that doesn’t hate you, switch to Firefox <3 🦊

Other good extensions:

Privacy Possum is an anti-tracking extension that not only blocks commercial trackers, it also fucks with them by generating nonsense data.

Forget Me Not is a cookie management tool that lets you choose whether/how sites can store cookies on your computer on a site-by-site basis.

Bypass Paywalls Clean does exactly what it says: allows you to bypass paywalls on news sites and the like.

SponsorBlock uses crowd-sourced data to block sponsored segments on YouTube videos. Now you never have to hear about NordVPN or Raycon ever again!

Breakthrough Twitter Login Wall is another “what it says on the tin” extension. It stops Twitter from trying to force you to log in, so you can browse anonymously in peace.