I'm sick and tired of hearing ice-cold takes that Batman's a Mary Sue.

So what? So what if he's an engineer, martial artist, gymnast, strategist, forensic scientist, hacker, racecar driver, pilot, detective, actor, CEO, etc.

Bruce Wayne is NOT a Mary Sue.

He's Everything. Bruce Wayne is the Barbie of the DC universe.

Anyway here's my pitch for a new batman logo:

He’s Everything. Bruce

Wayne is the Barbie of the

DC universe.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

the fact that they wrote “yugioh” in the magic the gathering font

pointing out the issue with the font is the first test

Our theme is “responsibility” at my school right now, and many students have made posters. This one is my favorite:

It shouldn’t be surprising that writers have some of the best strike signs in existence

Ok I’m waiting for my train atm so I’m on Tumblr but the way some of you act whenever there is a strike that affects your entertainment products makes it soooo obvious that some of you were raised by Republicans. Anti-union attitudes are the clearest sign that someone’s progressive politics are at best, not well-thought-through, at worst, transparent and fake

I also want to say that if you’ve never done writing or whatever creative activity for a wage, with a strict deadline (fanfic challenges and stuff like that don’t count, you don’t have your livelihoods on the line, trust me I’ve done those and I’ve also written paid journalism it’s just not at all the same) then you cannot project your own feelings about writing on to people who are striking. Doing it as a hobby and doing it as a job are different, and until you’re there or you’ve known someone well who writes for a wage, you don’t really know what it’s like. Yes even if you have aspirations of going pro. You can’t use the fact that you think you’d be willing to do it for free to draw conclusions about professional writers. Because honestly, no you probably wouldn’t! When you’re a hobbyist you’re probably thinking of an idealized vision where you’re working on your passion projects all the time, but that’s not the reality of professional writing. You write a lot of stuff that isn’t the stuff of your dreams. Yes, you’d want to be paid for that, fairly, for the amount of work you’ve done, and ideally such that you don’t need to do anything else for a living.

"How does nobody figure out Clark Kent is Superman?"

Because even if Clark literally says "I am Superman," directly to someone's face, this happens.

Ever since I got a job as a security guard I can’t take heist movies seriously anymore.

Why is that?

Accurate heist movie: The Team is sneaking into a high security facility. An alarm is triggered, they freeze, prepared to knock out whoever responds to the alarm. It takes 40 minutes for someone to respond. When they finally do show up, they shuffle along, annoyed, arms full of 16 bags of pretzels for some reason, and reset the alarm without bothering to check their surroundings. They report that the alarm went off in error. Security control starts a fight about the correct designation of the door. The guard announces that they’re leaving the alarm key in the alarm because it’s always going off for no reason. No one challenges them on this. They shuffle away, leaving an alarm key and several bags of pretzels behind.

The Team knocks out a security guard and steals their radio. The team mimic can perfectly replicate the knocked out guard’s voice. They get caught because they pronounced the name of the company correctly.

The Team disables an alarm. The only way to do this is to rip it out of the wall and disassemble it until it physically can’t make noise anymore. This very loud process is clearly heard by the posted security guard nearby, who rolls their eyes and text their supervisor that the logistics contractors are fooling with the alarms again.

The Team breaks into the facility at night. There they meet a single security guard who is chanting potential names for NPCs in their DnD campaign out loud while they do their patrols. They encounter a fire extinguisher. They pause in their chanting to check that it is properly charged and to apply a sticker that reads, “Anal use only”. This guy is disgustingly good at their job. There’s no way around it, they’re going to catch you. And you’re going to have to deal with the fact that you’ve been had by someone who has a supply of stickers that say “Anal use only” and who unironically wanted to name their NPC shopkeep Mammogrammus.

The Team attempts to bribe a security guard. This is its own post but know there’s no way in hell that would work.

The Team breaks into the high security room and disables all the alarms. Security control sends several guards to investigate why there are no alarms going off.

The Team attempts to break into the high security room but can’t because it’s randomly decided not to let anyone at all in today.

The Team steals a keycard with “””””unlimited””””” access to the facility and gets caught because the computer system that manages keycards randomly revokes access for no reason.

The Team walks past a security guard in broad daylight wearing T-shirts that say, “We are here to rob you”. The security guard does nothing, having seen several people in logistics wearing that exact shirt two days prior.

This sounds like a great movie, honestly

I will always remember that when I worked for a pharmaceutical company in IT, there were massive security procedures, systems with air gaps, locations with biometric scanners and metal detectors and locking revolving doors, but the highest level of security was a human being in a bulletproof proof room with line of sight to the door and a button. To /get/ to the door, you had to go through tons of other layers and badge access and identity verification, but the final lock was a dual physical key (which required two people to open) and a human being with a book of photographs and a button to push.

At the onset of the 2008-onward recession it became more or less impossible to get the sort of summer gig that college students traditionally get. I couldn’t get a callback from any of the area fast food restaurants, the babysitting gigs were gone, I drew blanks on waitressing, dishwashing, landscaping, car washes, summer camps, you name it. The big local summer attraction near me is a horse racetrack, and I put in apps for every position from betting clerk to horse manure removal tech. I got one (1) job offer that summer, and it was to be a security guard. I was a 19 year old girl with a perky ponytail, big ol’ doe eyes, and no experience or interest whatsoever in policing, so I genuinely thought I’d gotten the offer because they’d confused my application with someone else’s… until the first day of training.

Training consisted of a number of retired high ranking New York State Troopers very earnestly trying to convince a room of “dudes who desperately wanted to be a cop but couldn’t jump even that low hurdle” and also “one increasingly incredulous 19 year old girl who could only hear a loud high pitched note in one ear because she stood too close to her amps at the punk show last night” not to bring swords, shurukens, or butterfly knives into work.

We went over the “do not bring in your own weapons” lecture for the majority of day 1 of training. Day 2 was also “do not bring in your own weapons” for a lot of the day, then we moved onto “identifying the different types of fire extinguisher,” and wrapped up the day with “wasp stings.” Well, actually during “wasp stings” we had a sidebar when this one guard who looked like Ben Franklin raised his hand and shared that he, personally, took care of wasps by blowing their nests up with improvised gasoline-based explosives, so technically we wrapped up the day with “do not bring in your own weapons even if those weapons are to harm a wasp.”

Day 3 was a half day, where we reviewed everything we’d learned about no weapons, fire extinguishers, and wasps, and then we took a written test, which I finished with a perfect score in three minutes so Sargeant Minetti made me grade everyone else’s. After that, I was a full ass security guard; I picked up my fake cop uniform, badge(!!!), tiny notebook, strapped a walkie to my belt, and was given my assignment. My beat was very very literally the most public facing one that existed; while most of my colleagues were posted at gates that might never get opened for the entire summer, I had “the wholeass quarter mile of pavement abutting the chain link fence that separated the public from the ponies.” My responsibilities were simple:

1. tell people to move their rolling coolers out of the fire lane

2. take people with wasp stings to the nurse

and oh yeah

3. every time a clerk at a betting window in my section accumulated more than $10,000 dollars in cash, I had to escort them for ½ of a mile through the incredibly dense crowd of drunk people, any of whom might be interested in stealing more than $10,000 dollars, and get the money safely into the giant vault.

I remember the very first run i made. The betting clerk looked at me, the 19 year old responsible for protecting both them and $10,000. I looked back at him through the mirrored aviators that I’d bought at a gas station for 5 bucks because I thought it was very very funny and good fake cop cosplay. My walkie hissed ominously.

“…Uh, so if someone tries to take the money, what are you going to do?” He asked.

“Well, I get paid 12 bucks an hour, so… nothing.” I responded. “How about you?”

We quickly arrived at an understanding.

Two of the guards from my training group got fired that summer for bringing in their own weapons, and at least one of them had both a butterfly knife and at least one shuruken. Many more dropped out as they discovered that they would not actually be doing Die Hard shit. As for me, I did literally nothing to prevent crime all summer, but I also halfheartedly cleared a path through the crowd at the front of a very sad “St. Patrick’s Day In July” parade, which made me enough of a success story that they actually called me unprompted to ask if I’d come back the next year… with one caveat.

See, the next year I returned as a weathered veteran with a spotless disciplinary record, so they gave me three hours of additional training to get a certification to become a peace officer. As a result, from ages 20-23 (when my license expired) I had the same legal powers of arrest as a police officer.

Me. They just gave me that.

In conclusion, if you’re a highly qualified team of heistmen looking to rob an entity that accumulates wealth by convincing drunk desperate people to give them their money and you pick a fucking casino when the racetrack is right there, you’re either thinking way too inside the box… or you have a healthy fear of shurukens I guess.

MANNY JACINTO by The EMMA Experience (2021)

Bad: Samus contorts into some horrible, physiology-defying posture when using the Morph Ball.

Also bad: The Morph Ball uses space-warping technology to shunt Samus’ body into an extradimensional space while it’s active.

Good: The Morph Ball shrinks Samus down to six inches tall and she guides it by running around inside of it like a hamster in a wheel.

American Airlines travel poster for Chicago (c. 1950). Artwork by Henry K. Bencsath.

What the fuck… netflix only pay in full once a show reaches season 3? And by rebooting daredevil and restarting it as season 1, Disney+ can get away with not paying the crew in full

yeah netflix doesn’t pay residuals to actors/writers/etc. until after season 3, meaning none of them get paid for streams of their episodes the way they would if the show aired on live broadcast. now you know why Netflix almost always cancels its own original programming after 3 seasons

This is so true I didn’t think about important reruns.

This is why the next WGA or SAG strike will happen.

Meanwhile, at Twitter...

First time playing fetch.

When I was a kid I was genuinely horrified by the idea of growing up and I think a large part of it was the insistence by adults in my life that puberty would turn me into someone completely different. They were like “sure you don’t like make up and boys now but you’ll feel differently after puberty” or like “sure you think you wouldn’t want kids now but you’ll see once you’re older”

it’s like damn, stop invalidating kids’ personalities and listen to them and maybe you won’t be so shocked when they don’t transform into a new person later

My wife and I don’t ever plan on having kids, but my Dad always had one piece of parenting advice I’ll never forget.

He said “Pay attention to who your children are when they’re little. If you do that, you’ll never be surprised at who they become. The only people who think kids suddenly become other people when they hit adolescence are the ones who never listened to what their kids were telling them the whole time.”

Todd Alcott

Some fictional characters are relatable in a Gender way not because they’re nonconforming, but because they’re so incredibly into performing their assigned gender that it somehow wraps all the way around. Like, some sort of gender overflow error.

Why this got me boppin at my desk tho lol

i saw this video and had to draw her check out afrococoapuffs, she’s amazing!