all the reviews for atomic blonde are like “its an empty aesthetic film where charlize theron just dresses up in nice clothes, kicks the shit out of dudes, and has random sex scenes with women” as if that wasn’t my dream action movie
let charlize beat men up and bang ladies in the year of our lord 2k17
My little bogzoi…swampzoi…bogdog…
A Pre-Raphaelite bourgeois
She is a marine, in entomology, and afraid of bugs
She is afraid of holly. The bush. Not the person.
She talks NON STOP
She sings Yankee Doodle full Barbara. Every day.
Her dog has its own Facebook page
She sends me voice messages through said dog’s Facebook page
She takes useless merchant calls as messages but not from a single member of the board
She asks if I’m liberal. But like every hour.
She writes all addresses in full on calligraphy and I keep getting the mail revoked because what the fuck does this even say.
She makes these putrid lunches of like garlic and noodles
Every time I hide from her she finds me
There is more
She just interrupted my venom milking.
She is a marine, in entomology, and afraid of bugs She is afraid of holly. The bush. Not the person. She talks NON STOP She sings Yankee Doodle full Barbara. Every day. Her dog has its own Facebook page She sends me voice messages through said dog's Facebook page She takes useless merchant calls as messages but not from a single member of the board She asks if I'm liberal. But like every hour. She writes all addresses in full on calligraphy and I keep getting the mail revoked because what the fuck does this even say. She makes these putrid lunches of like garlic and noodles Every time I hide from her she finds me There is more
If my intern comes into my hiding closet one more fucking time….
I'm going to release the spider I am milking.
Sometimes I come to tumblr with the intent to write about my rape and abuse but honestly I'm tired.
when I tell y'all July is going to be a fruitful month, an abundance of blessings coming left and right, things falling into place; it’s really about to get crazy as we enter the 7th month. 🥂
i’m speaking it into existence
This speaks to me since I’ll be giving birth this month.
It better not I just ended an abusive relationship and am in residential hiding so I swear to Pluto if some shit doesn't get right soon.
When can I hit on my boss’ hot silver fox of a brother
NEVERMIND I don't wanna be looked at/touched/thought about in a sexual way for a long time.
french recipes: if you’re not making this in paris then what’s the point. fuck you
italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house
american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked
chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void.
English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy
Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.
Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie
Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts
Filipino recipes: add rice and soy sauce and some more rice MORE RICE MORE RICE MORE
Serbian Recipes: everything is salad. Ajvar? Salad. A single whole hot pepper covered in oil? Salad. Cabbage? Salad. Kajmak? Salad.
Lebanese recipes: If you don’t have at least 3 family members cooking this dinner with you than you aren’t doing it right.
Indonesian recipes: have you added spices? Add some just in case. Eat with rice. It’s not a proper meal until there’s rice in it. You just had bread/burger/cake/pizza? Eat rice anyway or you’ll die of starvation
Bonus Javanese recipes: Have you added sugar? What do you mean it’s meant to be salty/sour/spicy/something else? ADD SUGAR.TO IT
Canadian recipes: Well part of the directions are in metric but you have imperial measuring cups. I hope you like math because we’re going to find out how many gallons in a litre and how many millimetres are in a cup.
Swedish recipes: Assemble all the beige items you have in your kitchen. Great. now add raw red onions, dill and salt and white pepper. if u prefer it blander, don’t do the last things. consider serving it with jam
Norwegian recipes: listen after three days skiing uphill you will eat anything so stop complaining.
Indian recipes: spend two weeks digging the required spices out of your cupboards. Chop onions until you cry. Fry onions with spices until evey pore in your body is open, let the fragrance seep into your skin, become one with the curry.
german recipes: this meal isn’t what you think it is. it has 164 different names in different regions. it’s either made of potatoes, served with potatoes, or it’s cake. there’s a 50% chance it’s actually austrian, but don’t tell anyone.
belarusian recipes: “cook over a slow fire until done”. how many degrees is a slow fire? when is “done”? what am i even cooking there’s no picture and the only ingredients are honey and cornflower
turkish recipes: “if you do this, there’s really -REALLY- good change that you’ll die because everything is too spicy or too sweet but here we go”
romanian recipes: if you don’t already know the ingredients and directions by heart then what are we doing here
Brazilian recipes: make an extra sweet (preferably with chocolate) version of other culture’s food (sushis, hot dogs, pizzas, kibes, sfeehas, spaghetti made of chocolate; strawberry sashimis, banana burritos…)
Jewish recipes: no knish? Not a dish.
Yessssssssssssss
Let me get this sports physician position so I can piss off my father. Amen.
