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you know I couldn't be a cowboy because I'd be stuck with my partner in the dead cold prairie night and our horses would be tied up and we'd be huddlin around a crudely made fire because it was too far to go back to the ranch and he'd play the sweetest song on his harmonica, the kind that you felt in your bones and your heart and that the hymns had nothin on, and then he'd finish and we'd both lean in a little too close and my hand would be on his bandanna and his whiskey-breath would be hot on my lips and I'd realize that maybe it wasn't the touch of a woman i'd been hankerin for

yeah I'll be honest I don't know wtf possessed me here

god told me it's okay to be unemployed and do drugs in your room all day. encouraged even

i love men and masculinity. surely this is some sort of sign of being an alpha male straight guy myself. *holding my earpiece receiving information suddenly looking shocked* oh. oh okay. oh that’s bad news. and i have to suck them? oh my god

if one more fandom hoe tags this as the cardboard cut out from supernatural I am going to kill myself in front of your family 

can you please change trajectory

what are you asking me boy

of our lives

come with me to a world

where nothing you know.....

is ever going to make sense again.

He’s so fucking stupid <3

horny jail? oh nooo don't lock me up with all the other horny girls 👀 i would haaaate that

im literally obsessed with this simpsons frame i feel this in my soul

ok. I'm in the world. now what am I supposed to do

different schools of thought I suppose

Posting this iconic piece of media that I just NEVER found online isolated except in an archived reddit thread

Still thinking about how much Prey slapped

- slightly bruised wolf

"Do you enjoy doing math?"

"I do not."

"How about live improv?"

"Not at all."

"Okay... but what if there are dragons?"

"...keep talking."

Dungeons & Dragons & Derivatives

osha compliant blowjob

enough of this “immortality is a curse” nonsense. “but after millions of years you still have to live another day tomorrow!” yes, and on that day there will be tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwich. sounds like a good deal to me

so this happened last night amd i was too tired to process how bizzare this was b ut

yeah. it is your bad.

what would you do if that was you?

this is one of the few instances where watching the entire video was worth the punchline at the very end

Shoutout to the bitches that still follow me after I switch up my hyperfixation every 4 months, y'all are the real OGs, here's a king sized candy bar

Ohohohoho!! Allow me!

I love telling mutuals who are older than me but new to the site how to use tumblr. I feel like that trope where a child character with a blank expression reaches out their hand to the protagonist in a dreamscape to guide them around on a path to self-discovery

me telling my mutuals from another site how to allow asks with media

Just found out my facebook birding group is public because my cousin (a lawyer who is not into birds) casually said to me “saw you couldn’t identify a willet the other day… pretty embarrassing”

The Awkward Boner alarm has sounded on the great battlefield between orcs and elves

It took me a moment to realize the ad and post were separate