One reason I think it’s important that tumblr understands that AO3 emails spark dopamine and not serotonin other than the fact that I’m a neuroscientist who is very tired is because dopamine is part of the reward system.
I honestly think that emails from AO3 affect the reward system very similarly to gambling. When you get a sudden, random reward (AKA a comment on your fic), it feels great, and you want that again. But as the gambler writer, you have very little control over when the rewards come in or how many. There are games fandoms where you might have a higher chance of getting a response, or tropes, pairings, etc, but in the end, the reward is up to fickle fate (or possibly fantastic marketing on your part if you know how).
Randomly received rewards are incredibly addicting.
Similarly, not receiving a reward when you think you should get one feels very, very bad.
People who are more satisfied in their lives are less susceptible to the highs and lows of gambling and other addictive behaviors. If you are finding your relationship with you AO3 stats page or AO3 emails is unhealthy, it might be worth it to 1. turn off email notifications (so the randomness of the reward is removed) 2. Pick a time each week to check for comments (now it’s on a schedule) and 3. See if there are ways to improve your life elsewhere so that your mental health does not fluctuate with the whims of strangers sending you comments.
It’s not a moral failing to like attention. I have no judgment for people who get into a negative cycle with these things. This is for your mental health. Writing can be so rewarding for so many reasons, and I really just want to see other people find the joy in it.
This post has been going around again, and the question you should ask yourself is not, “am I addicted to emails/comments/AO3?” But “does posting fic put me in a bad mood? Do I get anxious waiting for emails? Is my relationship with AO3 causing me mental pain?”
The problem isn’t whether you are “addicted,” the problem is whether you are experiencing painful emotions in response to a hobby that should be fun. That’s what needs evaluation.
When your stats aren’t what you want them to be, and you feel real bad about it, it’s really easy to think, “I wish I had gotten X many comments/kudos. If I’d gotten that, I’d feel okay.”
It definitely feeds health to have people who emotionally connect with you and what you’ve made. Validation and being recognized are important! Having community is important! Getting feedback is important!
But that’s not something your numbers do. Numbers can provide a brief temporary high, but it’s awfully easy to get used to a certain number and need more than that to achieve the same high next time. That’s how you end up with people moaning that hundreds of kudos aren’t enough, because they expected more. Their pain is real, but they’re chasing a phantom that won’t actually help.
The pain is the problem you need to address, more than the stats. If you’re in a vulnerable place where you really rely on the highs and lows of things like AO3 notifications, then just aiming to make your work better, more brilliant, or more appealing isn’t the best way to help.
Maybe that pain comes from feeling unseen or unheard, feeling like you don’t count without people cheering your name, or chronically undercutting and diminishing your own achievements. That’s the shit you really have to wrestle with.
I am NOT saying that it is weak or needy to need validation from other people to feel good. I think that’s an essential element to your wellness smoothie! It just doesn’t taste good without it! It’s incredibly beneficial to find and nurture relationships with people who think you’re cool and interesting, and so is the stuff you make.
It’s just, that’s not the only element. Inner work about how you handle feedback and self-worth is another. Maybe you need to look up resources on artists and vulnerability and courage, or learn about emotional self-regulation and find self-soothing practices that work for you, or pursue counselling about it. That’s work that will pay off for you in a big way.
