Able bodied people's idea of how physically disabled discrimination works is fucking unrealistic. Fuckin roommate was like "oh yeah you just get it in writing why they wouldn't hire you or how they wouldn't accommodate you and then sue"

FIRST OF ALL, that's not gonna go into writing. They know better than to put it into writing. They'll say "we held a meeting to discuss accommodations and you didn't agree to them, so you quit" when the accommodations they offered were "well we can cut your hours and nothing else" or they'll say "we didn't hire you because you weren't a good fit" when the "good fit" means "not disabled."

Second of all, when you ask for it in writing, they're gonna retaliate because now they know you might report them for their illegal behavior.

Third of all, with what money?? You just got fired or pushed out or people are refusing to hire you, meaning you're broke and unemployed.

Like my man, I'm really determined and annoying. Do you REALLY think if there was a possibility of making corporations give me money for their illegal behavior and quit doing that to other people at the same time, I'd leave that on the table???

"oh you have an allergy? sorry I harassed you for being a picky eater, I didn't realize you had a valid reason. it's good to know you're not actually a picky eater, I still get to harass those people"

"oh you have chronic pain? sorry I harassed you for being lazy, I didn't realize you had a valid reason. it's good to know you're not actually a lazy person, I still get to harass those people"

"oh you're autistic? sorry I harassed you for being weird, I didn't realize you had a valid reason. it's good to know you're not actually a weird person, I still get to harass those people"

"oh you're deaf? sorry I harassed you for ignoring me, I didn't realize you had a valid reason. you're just not actually a rude person, I still get to harass those people"

"man why does everything have to be a disorder now? I miss the old days when people would TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for being failures and it was socially exceptable for me to harass them, now I look like a jerk when I bully people for annoying me."

Honestly and I am 100% about this, if someone apologizes for harassing you after finding out you are disabled in a way that affects the thing, straight up in no uncertain terms ask them if they think it is okay to be mean to a person who behaves that way if they don't have that disability. Watch them panic.

If they try to come up with justifications just keep "why is that?"ing them fuck em up

don't trust anyone who sees "healing" as being synonymous with becoming functionally abled, mentally or physically. its vital that people who will never function normally– who will never leave their parents house, who will always need a caretaker, who will never be able to work to capitalist desires– are considered and told their futures are valuable.

sometimes it is straight up impossible accommodate some disabled people in a particular event. someone's dietary needs are too restrictive for anything provided to be edible for them. sometimes your house or apartment has unavoidable stairs that your landlord refuses to have adjusted. sometimes a deadly allergen is going to have to exist in a workplace (for example a company that makes peanut butter is not going to be able to have a peanut free workplace).

the solution is not to deny this. the solution is to be upfront about it and let us make our own decisions and cost/benefit analysis about whether to attend.

From Misa on Wheels

I know it's going to take me a long fucking time to get used to the wheelchair- holy fuck my arms are burning.

Anyways if anyone has any advice for beginner wheelchair users that'd be great.

I'm dividing this into two sections, things to do that involve money and things to do that don't involve money

Advice that involves money

Advice that doesn't involve money

When you're learning to wheelie, get someone to spot you until you're comfortable. I tipped backwards tons of times and it has made me a little too cautious in my wheelie abilities (<-this user still can't hold a wheelie). Practicing on grass/soft terrain with a spotter is helpful.

Consider how high/low your push rims are in comparison to your hands. I found a lot of difficulty when my wheels were both too high and too low. I think the common rule of thumb is that if you're sitting upright with your hands at your sides, your fingers should reach the center of your wheels/wheel hub.

Get a cushion!!! I have two on my chair currently bc one of them is wearing out and the other isn't quite enough on its own. It's worth the investment.

Stretch, rest, and work on arm strength. It all gets easier with practice.

A guide to designing wheelchair using characters!

I hope this helps anyone who's trying to design their oc using a wheelchair, it's not a complete guide but I tried my best! deffo do more research if you're writing them as a character

people do not know how to behave when they see a disabled person like bro why are you staring at me like im a zoo animal

I agree with this so much, and also every time I see stuff like this I am reminded of disability activist E.B. saying that "losing benefits" doesn't get to the heart of it:

There is no marriage equality until disabled people can marry without losing their sole source of independent income and independent access to health care, making them entirely financially dependent upon their spouse and unable to leave in cases of abuse or failed relationship.

"Benefits" is what the government calls it, yes, and it's not wrong, but it sounds like something optional to abled people, or something which disabled people can get by without.

If you receive SSI or SSDI -- yes, this addition is US-centric, but the concept is not -- you've gone through usually years of attempting to get those benefits, and you don't get them if you are capable of working at all. This means that if you lose your benefits, you have no independent means of self support. None. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Bupkis.

And if you want to leave that partner? You have only the money that partner gives you because your assets were previously under penury-level restrictions. Even if you had the maximum amount currently allowable, that's not enough money to get an apartment with, let alone to live on while you go through the process of applying for SSI/SSDI again, which, once more, takes years.

On top of that, not only is marriage off the table, but in many places, even the appearance of a marriage-like relationship -- living together to share resources and like... to live together -- can fuck up your life and get your sole source of independent income yanked.

And since there is a deeply ableist assumption that disabled people only marry abled people and that the abled partner would be able to take care of the disabled one, I haven't even scratched the surface of how fucked up it is that two disabled people absolutely can't get married under this system.

So, yeah. Fun times.

Has anyone else noticed that as a society, we’re shamed for wanting to sleep? Sleeping in is bad, naps are only okay if they’re 20 minutes, you cant be tired unless you’re a <insert career/lifestyle choice here>, so on and so forth.

I mean, I think we all need to spread our blankets out, cuddle a pillow, and go to sleep. Everyone needs more of it, fuck this “it’s not productive” nonsense. It’s okay to sleep, it’s okay to want to sleep. You’re not lazy because of it.

Can we also stop with the one-upping about sleep. If someone tells you they’re tired because they only got six hours of sleep, please don’t immediately say “Oh that’s nothing! I only sleep three hours a night!”. Or “you don’t even know what tiredness is until you’ve done xyz thing!”

Just stop. We should all feel totally comfortable getting the amount of sleep we need. Be it four hours or 11.

Also, people who need 10 or 11 hours of sleep, or 12 or 14, do not need to do “extra” work in order to “earn” their sleep. Some people have less time and energy in their day to utilize. That is okay. Not a failure.

I need a lot of sleep. Part of it’s just who I am , part of it’s my disability. I get so many snotty comments about needing to sleep in longer when it’s not a moral issue, just a natural part of human variation.

I can’t say enough about the sickness of a society that shames people for wanting food and sleep.

Say it with me, kids, "I do not deserve this pain. I am in chronic pain due to forces outside of my control. I should not have to earn pain relief. I am good. I do not deserve to be shamed for my pain. It is not my fault."

The response to this post has had a great effect on me. I made it because I realized it was something that I needed to hear. It was something that had been articulated in a million small ways by the people I love but never so fully, never so clearly. And I needed it.

joking about adults who rely on their parents (you know, the classic "grown men who live in their mom's basement" joke) does harm disabled people, by the way. it doesn't matter if you don't think you're targeting us. you are.

i'm getting my own living space for the first time ever in two weeks. it's in my mom's basement in a new house. i'm physically and psychologically disabled, i have multiple severe mental health conditions, multiple physical disorders, i use a powerchair, i have to spend most of my time in bed, etc... of course its in my mom's basement. i'm lucky to have a mom who cares for my support needs.

you know why i cant live fully on my own? sometimes im in so much pain or so sick i cant get out of bed for days, and if i was alone, i'd starve. i can't go outside much, and on top of my mental health issues, living in total isolation would destroy me. i can't manage appointments or finances or any of that on my own. i wasn't able to finish high school due to my physical and mental issues. i can't get a job, it takes all of my energy to do so much as take care of my hygiene, and i'm terrified of people. living on my own is dangerous for me.

this is a dream come true. we're getting a house where i can try to be independent, but if i can't, i'm safe.

and yet, i have to fear all of the implications that will have for my social life, if i'm ever able to get one. i'll have to tell people to go around back to get into my house, and when they ask why, i'll have to tell them i'm in my mom's basement. and it doesn't help that people frequently see my autistic traits and deem me a creep - great, im a creep in my moms basement, this is going to do wonders. and i'm sure all of my other mental issues will make that even better. /s

like, i dont care if youre joking about the neurotypical able-bodied people who "leech" off of their parents - first off, if you really were, i don't know where the creepy part of the joke comes in, and secondly... people have their reasons. i dont know of many people who willingly decide to keep living with their parents in a basement if they had the ability to go to their own apartment. it is not a moral failing to struggle with independence as an adult. stop acting like it is

there is a difference between a disabled person saying “in my perfect world, I wouldn’t be disabled”, and someone saying “in my perfect world, disability doesn’t exist”

the first is understandable. being disabled can be really fucking hard. pain is not fun. fatigue is not fun. meltdowns aren’t fun. relying on constant medical intervention is not always great, either. there’s nothing that says a disabled person HAS to love themselves, and it’s not inherently ableist for a disabled person to wish that they were different

the second is eugenics. that’s the long and short of it. you wish disabled people didn’t exist? well we do exist. oh but you wish they didn’t? how do you plan to achieve that, bud? it’s just straight-up eugenics

One is "I wish I weren't in pain" and the other is "I wish I didn't have to see you and your pain"

Thank you for the explanation at the end.

One of the tricky things about being chronically ill is that you sometimes need help from medical professionals.

Many of these people have extremely fragile egos. Experience shows that, in 50-97.8% of cases, asking questions can lead to said medical professional going in the huff.

By 'huff', I mean anything ranging from 'slightly miffed that you threw them a curve ball' to 'incandescent with rage that you do not fit into the medical model that they are comfortable with'.

It can be difficult to tell in advance what you (a vulnerable person in this power dynamic) are going to be met with.

Also, you really do need to ask questions sometimes because you:

(a) don't want to get worse

(b) don't want to die