if i ever stop reblogging this assume I am dead

GOD

When my mom’s out in public, she sends me pictures of lesbians she sees.

Jesus I envy that relationship. 

this is like the time when my mum took me bra shopping and the girl measuring me up was a lesbian and my mum said to me “i’ll go take a walk around the shop so you can talk to this nice young girl” and gave me a look as if to say “chat her up”. 

My mum tries to push me towards cute possibly gay girls and then disappears. She did it in Primark once and I found her hiding behind a pile of knickers, watching me.

i love all of your moms

When I was 17 I was convinced I was in love with the check out girl at the grocery store 5 minutes away from our house, so my dad went to get milk and somehow found an appropriate point in the conversation while buying a half gallon of milk to give her my number. Three days later she called me and asked if I wanted to come over “to watch a movie” and long story short my dad got me laid thanks dad.

That last story is worth reblogging

the ol’ razzle dazzle

IM SCREAMING

Violet Chachki at VMAs

this.

This is so important! As a person with two younger brothers this is especially important. Even Benedict Cumberbatch says it’s okay for boys to cry!

Man Unsure If He’s Supposed To Want To Bone Armor, Or What 

(x)

# WHOEVER MADE THIS IS GOING TO BE FUCKING TAKEN OUT BY THE GODDAMN KGB

Reblog this because it would piss off Putin. 

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve reblogged this

Russia is well on track to becoming the weirdest dystopia ever imagined

The Streisand Effect is a beautiful thing :D

Please spread this gem like wildfire.

Forever reblog

Literally everyone needs to see this

Friendly reminder classic moments like these with the kids are entirely unscripted.

my heart exploded

reblog if this is a good pic

More inspiring quotes here

hello i would like 2 let u know my kitten has thumbs and she fully plans on dominating the world with them

please kiss her thumbs and tell her i hope she does a good job and that i love her very much

in case you didn’t get it the first time: DON’T TOUCH DRAG QUEENS.

Astronaut readjusts to life back on Earth

HE GRABS THE CUP BUT THEN HE DROPS THE PEN 0.0003 SECONDS LATER

AND HE LOOKS UP AT THE CEILING INSTEAD OF AT THE GROUND WHEN HE CAN’T FIND THEM

I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING HE JUST DROPS IT

IT’S NOT FUNNY IT’S VERY LOGICAL THAT HE WOULD HAVE ADJUSTED TO LIVING LIFE WHILE HE WAS IN SPACE BECAUSE IT’S DIFFERENT FROM EARTH BUT I CAN’T FUCKING BREATHE

*THUNK*

YES IT’S BACK ON MY DASH THIS IS MY FAVORITE VIDEO

I could watch this video for hours and it would still be funny

does anyone else have this other self they’ve created in their mind that is not really exactly you irl but is more like what you want to be and has a life that continues in your head with like weird continuing daydreams but they’re not perfect or anything and wow i forget where i was going with this

#fyi this is called maladaptive daydreaming and it is a symptom of multiple mental disorders

WAIT WHAT

Whoops

FYI, LITERALLY EVERYONE DOES THIS. maladaptive daydreaming is when you lose time in your daydreams about having other lives. If you’re not forgetting your days or hours, you’re literally just daydreaming.

STOP SCARING PEOPLE

This is satisfying to me.

They’re free

Yes, but at what cost?

16 cents.

Pros and cons of wearing all black

pros: hot as hell

cons: hot as hell

i reblogged this earlier and am just now getting the pun