melodratragic

— Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner (via amortizing)

wait THAT’S why my wife always says “son boy allowed” about our cat??

happy 5 years to son boy allowed

I'm a hard pillow hard mattress man. I need reliability. I don't want something to change into a completely different shape when I touch it, that's lying and I don't like liars.

pirates of the caribbean really introduced an eldritch octopus man who kills indiscriminately and torments the dead as their poster villain and then you watch the movies and it's like, "oh no, actually the worst villain in this series is a small white british man who functions as the herald of capitalism" and that was very very brave of them

#here is a man so heartless he has literally cut his own heart out of his chest #but he's still not as evil as the fucking east india trading company

Barbie (2023) // The Good Place (2016-2020)

this looks like the same party

not just ‘he would not fucking say that’ but ‘he would not, under torture, admit that’

“He’s a slut, your honor” - Foggy Nelson about Matt Murdock in a courtroom probably

Harrow the Ninth is hilarious because it’s about Harrow spending time in the court of the unfathomably genocidal necromancer tyrant god-emperor of solar system guy and he spends like half the novel looking at her in genuine horror and being like “I’m fucking begging you, please get some sleep, this is like actually disturbing”

you sure fuckin do babes

declaring “this is the bad place” every time you are even slightly inconvenienced is peak humor

It’s what Eleanor Shellstrop would have wanted

an underrated detail in pride and prejudice is that elizabeth bennett was home alone on the day darcy proposed because she had a headache. can you imagine. this was in the pre-painkillers era. you're at home with a headache and then this asshole walks into the room and tells you he loves you and wants to marry you even though he hates your whole family and you're beneath him. imagine having to deal with that while also having a headache. she doesn't even have ibuprofen

What if school burned calories.

What if school burned

Down.

call my girl the bit the way i’m committed to her

call my girl the bit the way I’m CHOMPING AT HER.

Bucky Barnes as Text Posts 3/?

in gideon the ninth: *the sixth and ninth find out teacher is a construct and they’re being lied to about the trials*

in harrow the ninth: *augustine tries to kill god by dragging him into the stoma*

in nona the ninth: *gideon, pyrrha, and paul trying to break into the tomb*

in every situation, without fail, ianthe tridentarius showing up to immediately make the situation worse:

Oh, to have a homoerotic enemy who becomes so obsessed with destroying you that both of your lives intertwine together so deeply that you are inseparable, like two super nova stars circling each other until one day you inevitably crash and cause the destruction of both of you and the entire universe in the process

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS | Pine Barrens (4.07)