I love living. Thanks for living at the same time as me

“I’ll plant a row of daisy seeds, in the space below each eye, so they’ll remind you of your beauty, when they bloom each time you cry”

Credits: unknown

journal excerpt, august 4th 2021

and I say to my mother,

"if nothing got in my way, I would've killed him"

and I meant it.

and I say to my mother,

"it would have ruined who I am today, but I wouldn't hesitate."

and I meant it.

and I say to my mother

"I'd gave it one week of staying there before I'd commit to it. two before I followed through"

and I meant it.

and I say to my mother

"he was the only person I've met that made me feel like that."

and I meant it.

and she wept, because she felt the same.

but she harbored guilt that I learned to turn away.

a small part of me will always be an animal, untamed,

vicious,

and tortured.

Throw me away like night does day

Leave me cold with no bouquet

Forever more to your dismay

Day to-day today to day

Words to bury me with, words that you say

Throw me away like night does day

Their fragile tears set on bay

Wistfully wishing their tears away

Forever more to your dismay

This body so dark,

a gray ashtray

Wearing skin so restrained

Throw me away like night does day

Do not mourn on this rainy day

As you chose to lock me away

Forever more to your dismay

Will you not throw me away ?

As night turns to day

Throw me away like night does day

Forevermore to your dismay

me against the hurt me against your knife me against the wall while you puncture  holes inside my life      me against the hurt me against your knife me against the bed while you turn my sheets red me against the hurt me against your knife me against the memories that are left for me to find me against the hurt me against your knife me against the floor while you search in me some more for a place that isn’t yours - persephone fiore 

dying in my arms I am alone alone alone I am coming undone I am falling out of me I am bloody in the sink bloody ink bloody think before I breathe dying in my arms I am alone alone alone I wish I were you so fruitful so alive so ready so vulnerable I am so far from the apple trees dying in my arms I am alone alone alone - persephone fiore 

I’ve been traveling for far too long; Looking at that stretch of road ahead laying in the opposite direction of my homestead.

Instead, of turning around, I run away from my tiny hometown.

Friends may wonder why I am always leaving. I just need to fly but I’ve got no wings, so I drive seeking songs singing of highway freedom.

I’m not a motorcycle rebel who keeps rolling on, just a poet of strangers and love, with little fear here because I hear clear the wonder of diversity I hold so dear.

New cities bring strange stories that people proffer if I sit and offer an open set of ears.

So much to see and learn, so many turns to take, and paths that curve into a bright brand new world I want to view. So, I just drive on.

You may be my love true, but eventually, I will driver away from you to.

-2021

maybe it’s the nicotine from my friend’s mouth

or the wind around the truck bed

in my ears, my eyes, my teeth

but we’re driving through this small town

at night it’s just addicting

music blasting from inside the cab

i’m jumping down into the parking lot

swaying on my feet under the bright lights

smiles plastered from ear to ear

swaying back and forth

understanding what it’s like to be drunk on life

i’m drinking this in, this moment in time

we run through the streets and neighborhoods

speed past old schools and fast food joints

i’m drinking this all up

like the next cheerwine float

or cherry pepsi slush

six bucks to my name in a battered pouch

it’s so sweet

so sweet that it sticks to my mind

like sugar on teeth

crashing through the doors in my friend’s house

we pour through the rooms

laughing and talking loud

ping pong balls flying all across the kitchen

dogs on the couch sharing blankets

with bodies crammed into two seats

smiling over recklessness and relationships

face masks tugging at facial scars

and glittering like disco balls

before i leave for the night

i always throw an extra “i love you” to the room

another quick hug just in case

because no one knows the next time

we’ll be in the same place

until next time

no one really ever knows when that is

so this is what it’s like to be a teenager

reckless reckless reckless

alive alive alive

falling in love

and tumbling through the moments

we’re all so young and dumb and alive

young dumb alive

and i can’t hold onto it

- one day we’ll be old and wise and dead

(but not tonight)

8.7.21

write something happy. why are you such a tragician? can't you write about a sunrise? a sunset? something that isn't your own self pity.

ah. but it gives me such a thrill. i'm addicted to ripping open old wounds. i get high off of letting the infection fester. what kind of surgery do i need to remove the part of my heart that you rotted to filth? who but you could i trust to perform the operation?

Deeds of Yesterday

There’s a certain sadness in the knowing even while blessings may be overflowing the deeds of yesterday cannot be undone and you wait for only that final setting sun neither desiring to have nor to be a friend all that yet remains to be written is the end

when the thorns cut my skin will you admire the roses? will you like them coming from my body the red peddles? will you ignore the scent of rust coming from the red puddles? will you mistake my screams for the crows singing? will you run if your late, towards those school bells ringing?

Love sits, as a dove, in the palms of my hands; she could rest there, pleasant, for years.

And the only thing that could scare her away is my own fear - the uncontrollable tightening of my grip when I'm afraid that' someone is leaving.

Tracing the outlines of your lips

A sweet revenge if there ever was one

Your eyes linger, a ghost from the past

Icy blue and empty

My soul has left your body

We were soulmates once.

The walls of this house have long since fallen

The family only kept safe in the broken picture frames

Left behind to decay like the home they once loved

When you're told it's dead and gone

When you realise there's nowhere to run

Your fate sealed like the death of the sun

Tired and broken like the promises once spoken

The memory of you, a technicolour daydream

bleached clean of the love I once knew?

Or just the dust under the rug?

I held you when your skin crawled with the demons of your past, glassy eyed and paralysed, frozen in time like an Arctic ice sheet and still my arms warmed you and brought you home,

I was home to you. I was your home away from home when your own bed felt like quicksand and the only hands to help you back then were the ones who pushed you deeper into that abyss, I was home to you.

Our home built with love and acceptance burnt down one cold winter and you never came back for my ashes.

I guess I'll just get blown away like the time I first laid eyes on you.

The Chaos of Stars

And I'd choose you;

In a hundred lifetimes,

In a hundred worlds

In any version of reality,

I'd find you and 

I'd choose you.

celebrating in a house of empty rooms

please, let me start over

start over with parents who don’t leave

with cousins who sleepover

and grandparents who bake every sunday

with uncles who talk about boring sports

and aunts who take me shopping

please, let me start over

start over with parents who don’t make me wonder

if i’ll hit my kids in the future

who tell each other

‘i love you’ before going to sleep every night

who don’t throw things or yell at windows

and who don’t let me think

that this is all love can look like

let me have a family who gets together for christmas

and counts down for new year’s

let me have a house where i feel safe

and a bed where i belong

a mom who hugs me a lot

and a dad who stays when the nights get long

- y.s.