Just received my size 50 knitting needles in the mail, and I’m pretty sure these are weapons, not craft making tools

The cat’s face

i hate it when paper falls off your desk and it just slides off into the next continent

If someone calls you ‘ugly’ have a good comeback and say ‘excuse me, I am not a mirror’. 

graduation speech

Bang.

do u ever have to start a song over bc YOU FORGOT TO FUCKING LISTEN.

I AM LAUGHING SO HARD IT HURTS

you haven’t replied in three minutes what did i do why do you hate me

Alpaca godess

Fun fact if you talk to me past midnight i get real personal and it’s weird