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Penguinprince22

@penguinprince22

I don't even know

remember when we were kids and we used to all sing that demented version of the barney song where it was like “i hate you you hate me let’s go out and kill barney”

i don’t remember ever doing this. you were a fucked up kid

i hate you

you hate me

let’s go out an kill barney

with a baseball bat

and a 4x4

NO MORE PURPLE DINOSAUR

really? Our version was more like..

i hate you

you hate me

lets go out and kill barney

with a great big gun

two bullets to the head

WOOPS LOOK AT THAT, BARNEY’S DEAD.

Ours was like:

JOY TO THE WORLD THAT BARNEY’S DEAD

WE BARBECUED HIS HEAD

DON’T WORRY ‘BOUT THE BODY

WE FLUSHED IT DOWN THE POTTY

AND ROUND AND ROUND IT GOES

AND ROUND AND ROUND IT GOES

AND ROUND AND ROUUUUUND AND ROUND IT GOES

I hate you,

You hate me,

Let’s get together and kill Barney, 

With an AK-47 and a shot to the head,

Uh-oh Barney’s dead

The one I knew was:

I hate you, 

you hate me, 

let’s get together and kill barney

sorry kids but Barney’s dead, 

we just shot him in the head

a b c d e f g

barney is my enemy

stick a rifle up his nose

pull the trigger there he goes

sorry kids barney’s dead

here he is without a head

You’re all fucked up

Barney: *exists*
Adolescents on the playground:
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what the fuck. theres not even a fucking joke here. its just the fucking alphabet. i was expecting some kind of fucking meme like “gun” or “john cena” or something like that but no its just the fucking alphabet. here. on tumblr.com. 26 users just fucking banded together to write the alphabet. what the fuck, man.

I think the update broke them, and almost everyone else.

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69  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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72 …..why not….making the best out of this sad situation

73… I got so angry at this post I had to reblog it and continue

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89 ;/

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93… i hate tumblr.

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*sigh* 96

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104?)

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114 ^_~

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117 I’m too proud of this post to let it stop

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119… one day they will tell tales of this post

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Someone tag me for 187!

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137 I regret this

REALLY?

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140… 

141 *whispers* what number are we counting to?

142 *whispers to @fandomsandanythingelse * No one shall ever know…

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147… necessary.

149…….

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157 damn it

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165 wonder if we’ll reach 1000

166 I feel like I’m contributing to history

167… I guess fuck number 51 right? Never needed that number anyway

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171 this is really impressive all of you

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176 im gonna be part of tumblr history dammit

177 👏

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186 (i hope this goes on forever)

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I had to sit here and scroll through this and now you have to too.

197 why though?

198 Because why not ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

199 damn guys….

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203… wow.

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🙄🙄🙄 205

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…I almost killed myself

I put on my sunglasses, to hide my swollen eyes, over my tears. I cried all my makeup off. Went inside to have a milkshake. I don’t know why. I wanted something to drink as I figured out what I would do. I got a soda and a milkshake. Medium. The cashier looked at me and with a line around the corner of the counter he rushed away from the counter “Hold on “ he yelled to a coworker.

I filled my soda and went back and saw him looking all over. I go up and he gets close and says “I made it a large”.

That was seriously enough for me not to do it. His kindness. Someone went out of their way and as I went back in my car to cry I realized I could muster through a few other days. A few more weeks. Then I came down from that panicky high of anxiety, depression, and pain. I finished my shake. And it was enough time to let me feel better. I… I’m alive. I’ll make it through.

Try and be nice today. Tomorrow. Something as much as a smile. It helped so much.

Thank you man at McDonalds.

The milkshake saved my life

I hope you all can read this and remember to be kind

The smallest of gestures can save a life. My Mum answered her phone when I called and I am alive today because of that.

I’m glad you’re here.

It’s a phone call, a milkshake, a friend.

I feel like I shouldn’t keep reblogging this but when I do more people see what kindness can do…. I don’t know. Love everyone as yourself.

Nah, keep rebloging it. It gives hope.

walked sobbing around a city once wearing a summer dress in mid-september thunder and rain. basically dragged myself into LUSH as the smell of the store always made me smile. the shop was empty and dead due to the weather, just this blonde short woman behind the counter who smiled at me. i stared at her feet and asked ‘do you have anything for people who are scared a lot?’ (i was so out of it i had no clue). she showed me two bath bombs, one pink and one blue, and said both were good - i chose the pink, paid for it and left. i then sat at a bus stop clutching the LUSH bag in one arm and my prescription meds in the other - i’d lied and ordered a refill so i could just drift away with sleeping pills. when the bus arrived and i was out of the rain, i decided to have another look at my bath bomb, smell it and what not. opened my bag and saw she’d put the blue one in there for me as well and written on the receipt ‘feel better soon :) hope you like x’. 

no one had ever been so selflessly kind to me before, i didn’t know what to do with it except hang around long enough to use the other bath bomb. 

Actually I’m going to reblog this again because of the truth of the inverse: think of any time you have been casually cruel or petty to someone for humor or because you weren’t in a great mood. 

The power of small gestures goes both ways.

I used to have geese so here’s a tip for everyone:

If a goose is attacking you, don’t run. No matter what, stand your ground. They can fly but when they’re mad, they don’t usually try to fly. Hold your hands in front of you, ready to grasp. When the goose gets close, grab it by the neck bit closest to the head and squeeze. Not tight enough to choke the goose, but tight enough so they can’t break free. You can hold them until they calm down or just do the next step right away. The next step is literally just to chuck them as far as possible and run for your life. It makes the goose know you’re in charge and you have a better chance of getting away. Trust me I’ve done this so many times that I’ve lost count

I can’t tell if this is a shitpost or actual advice. But I do know geese are the fucking worst.

Actual advice! Just yeet a goose

Me: *furiously whips a goose around by its head like some sort of flail*

••Giant List Of Mickey Milkovich Quotes••

“I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE SAYING!”

“Must really clear your mind watching the sunrise after a long night of gurgling old man balls.”

“You came all the way down here to talk about my pubes?”

“You ready to go again or you need some time, firecrotch?”

“Fuck you is what you were invited to.”

“Those fingers go anywhere near that cock, Imma break every knuckle on your hand.”

“You’re going down, Army!”

"Red-head. Bat-shit crazy. Packing 9 inches.”

“Not everyone just gets to blurt out how they fuckin feel every minute.”

“Nonook of the fucking north, why don’t you lose the parka, unless you’re planning on banging Eskimo’s.”

“You wanna chit-chat more or you wanna get on me?”

“Whatever. Likin’ what I like don’t make me a bitch.”

“Does this violate my probation?”

“The fuck are you looking at?”

“GUESS WHAT WE’VE BEEN DOING DADDY? WE’VE BEEN FUCKING! AND I TAKE IT! HE GIVES IT TO ME GOOD AND HARD AND I FUCKING LIKE IT! I SUCK HIS DICK! I FUCKING LOVE IT!”

“Missed ya.”

“I like fucking carrot tops.”

“I just want everyone here to know, I’m fucking gay. Big ol’ mo.”

“Don’t do this.”

“Fuck you Gallagher.”

“So go do yoga, sing fucking Taylor Swift, I don’t give a shit. Just get out of the fucking car.”

“Can I go with him?”

“You’re under my skin man. The fuck can I do?”

“His parter. Lover. Family. Ya know?”

“Don’t fucking tell me what’s impossible.”

“I can take care of him. Okay, let me take care of him until he’s better.”

“Sorry I’m late.”

“Look don’t worry, we’ll get a dick in you as we can!”

“Of course we are.”

“C’mere”

“Ian what you and I have makes me free.”

“Together.”

“I love you… It means we take care of each other… It means thick and thin, good times, bad, sickness, health, all that shit”

“Fuck you, fuck you and especially fuck you!”

“Well this ain’t Macy’s bitch, and you ain’t window shopping.”

“Sure. Got nothin better to do than watch a bunch of pruney queens slap their sacks against your ass cheeks.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re gonna turn him into a nice, upstanding citizen since you’ve blown so many of them.”

“NO ONE’S GETTING LAID UNTIL THEY GET PAID!”

“They’re not climbing Everest, They’re climbing dick.”

“no that’s illegal in this country”

“anyone can jerk a cock. I jerk mine, he jerks his. Learn a unique skill or shut the fuck up.”

“I got bottom, so you’re on top.”

“Yeah whatever. Tell em you got AIDS.”

“Iiiiiiiian Gallagher! You messed with the wrong girl!”

“You wanna fuckin’ die?”

“Don’t think you’re getting off just because you’re about to drop a patty from your fur-burger.”

“the fuck they can! Look at her, she’s fuckin’ dead!”

“I’m worried about you. I love you.”

“I want you to come with me.”

“He stays here, he’s staying with me. He’s fucking family”

“Tell fuckhead this is not over!”

"Oh. Never thought I’d say this, but I’m glad I finally found Jesus.”

“Fuck you and your weird ass kid”

“You wanna get paid a little more for putting a strangers dick in your mouth?”

“… you mean horny? What 17 year old gay kid isn’t horny?”

“Yeah, please, check your phone. I’ll just yell at the wall.”

“You ever think back in the day that this is where we would be?”

“I was ‘til shit for brains here pulled his Glock out.”

“Leave the goddamn stealing to the experts. fuck.”

“Hope Damon knows how to hitchhike.”

“I could pull it out, but I don’t want to scare all the kids.”

“Oh, check it out. Ian Gallagher putting his big boy pants on.”

“I’m thinking a little bit of nipple pinching and some ass eating.”

“Sun all year round. No more freezing our asses off. Just sandals and tequila from here on, man. It’s what kept me going in the joint. The beach. Us.

“Bet your white ass burns like a mother fucker.”

“Something else I want to hit.”

“Like stab that fat fucking mick who keeps trying to steal my jello!”

“Jesus Christ. You wanna spread a blanket out and look for shooting stars next?”

“I like em sweet.”

“It’s a fucking snickers bar!”

“What the fuck does a squirrel have to do with waffles anyway?”

“YES I FUCKING KNOW I GOT SHOT!”

“Fuck I missed you.”

“Yeah ya know when someone robs me with my own fucking gun, they’re not my friend. I’m kinda funny like that.”

“Rise and fuckin shine, Cinderella.”

“I love banana pancakes!”

“Yeah I called for a Youber!”

“Whatchu going down for then, huh?”

“Card carryin, apple pie eatin, born on the fourth of July American fuckin citizen.”

"Mary Poppins here is on a warpath.”

-Let me know if I missed any that I should add.