“Hillary for prison!!” “Let’s make it happen”

https://instagram.com/p/BGuNSlExt0E/

“that’ll be 120 dollars”

21.73 and a whole party can enjoy

IF A CREEP WANTS YOUR NUMBER

A series of fake numbers to leave behind.

1-888-447-5594 - Easter egg number for finishing God of War, contains a dramatic speech. Personal favorite.

605-475-6968 - Rejection hotline, politely explains that whoever gave you this number turned ya down, buddy

888-276-6760 - The 24-hour Klu Klux Klanline where you can get a FREE INFORMATION BOOKLET!!!!1!

866-740-4531 - Only responds with “I am Groot”

206-569-5829 - Seattle radio station “Loser Line”. If they leave a weird voicemail, it could get broadcast over the airwaves.

Stay safe, people.

Don’t forget about 515-808-2362, the number that rings and then plays the John Cena thing.

309-889-0497 plays the evangelation theme

Evangelation

There’s also 855-523-9386 which will respond to the caller with a robot beat boxing Korn’s “Freak on a Leash”.

Who knew so many weird almost useless phone numbers existed?

This is wonderful

THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN

I’VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND THIS FOR SEVEN YEARS

DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS TO ?????

I’m fucking dying

That last fatal scream tho

IT IS BACK ON MY DASH THIS POST NEVER DIES WHO EVER PUT THIS UP IS A GOD.

THE TERROR IN HIS SCREAM OH GOSH

i’m crying

Sam, who is 38 years young (via i-am-simple-creature)

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

Literally me petting me friends’ cats. 

me, all the time with zelda

LEGGO’ I’m in tears

guy annoying his girlfriend with bad ikea puns

Important content

Watch with sound.

my stomach hurts

Ive passed this video so many times and this time I finally watched it. Im really glad I did

I have stared into the abyss and it gave me a thumbs up

[Person behind camera: (sobbing incoherently with laughter) it’s so…. ffffunnny…. ohheheheheh…. (sniffing, snorting, laughing) of all the shit you can find…. So this, this dates back to 19– (sniff) 1999, as you can see up there. (sniffs, laughs) “The Life Sized Satanic Doll Serves as Masturbation Toy for America’s Youth” This is, like, a Baptist website – (cracks up, giggles, snorts) ssfsfsfsfsfssss–stupidest thing… ever seen. So! (sniffs, calms down a little) So, w-what kind of doll was this child … masturbating to? (person scrolls down to picture of Jar Jar Binks, BURSTS INTO UNCONTROLLABLE WHEEZING LAUGHTER, SNORTS, WEEPS WITH LAUGHTER) Aah……oh my god…. aAHAHAHAHAHa….. HAHAHAHAHA….ohmygod…..]

It’s times like this I’m grateful for the people that caption videos.

@hughjackass

@bennygal16

This was six seconds

if you listen carefully you can hear me whisper “shut the fuck up” at least once every five minutes

i laughed for like 3 hours

What’s that over there?

Fucking dirt.

I reblog every single time

I just can’t… I have to reblog.

I can’t breathe.

Reblog EVERY TIME