BILL WATTERSON ‘A cartoonist’s advice’

Trump is visiting a class in an elementary school where they are talking about words and meanings

The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy”.

So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers, “if my best friend who lives on a farm is playing in a field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that’d be a tragedy.”

“Not quite”, says Mr. Trump, “that would be an accident.”

A little girl raises her hand: “if a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” explained the president. “That’s what we would call a great loss.”

The room goes silent. Trump searches the room. “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy? “

Finally at the back of the room, little Johnny raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, “If Air Force One, carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens; that would be a tragedy.”

“Fantastic!” exclaimed Mr. Trump. “That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”

“Well’, said little Johnny, “because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss and probably wouldn’t be an accident either.”

I didn’t even read the url and I fucking knew it was Jeff

If there’s a fetish there’s a totally spies episode dedicated to it

sorry but what in the FUCK are you talking about and why is this the first thing on my dash

DRV3 according to someone who’s only played the first two and UDG

Listen, if you give me only verbal instructions, understand that I will not understand a word you said no matter how good they were if it’s more than one or two steps

please give the instructions on a piece of paper so i can forget that i have it in 5 minutes

manager: sir your resume just says “good looking and talented”

me: am I lying though?

manager: …youre right, Im sorry youre hired

Dont forget one-time-I-dreamt!

otid doesnt need to change their url, we need to read it before starting the post lol

This body is a vessel for my mayhem and as long as I can perform bafoonery it doesn’t matter if this stomach is flat or not

Holy shit

I love how the search function on this site is absolute garbage. I can look up a post word for word and I will NEVER find it

Pro tip:

Wanna find a post?

Write out what you remember into a Google search.

After you write that out, end with site:tumblr.com

Google will search for your text on just tumblr

In my experience, it’s way more effective than searching through Tumblr

(you can use site:SITENAME.com to search any site btws)

This usually works but for some reason a lot of posts get indexed on google from a person’s URL based on the posts that were recently reblogged on page 1, meaning that this is only a tiny bit more reliable.

I HAVE a solution to this, you have to write down site:tumblr.com/post “ “

and then write a direct quote (could be a fraction of a sentence) into the quotations, I’ve been doing this for years, and it’s so useful, it works like 99% of the time 

(the more popular a post is the more likely you’ll find it)

you’re a genius holy shit

Just used this to find a post I’ve been desperately searching for, thank you so much

These photos were taken a few seconds apart.

ahhh how majestic

Super serious “I am absolutely sober” bard

Ah yes. This man gave my stepmom a lap dance. Interesting guy.

Favourite things about Achievement Hunter #1

Anyone on a video not featuring Geoff L. Ramsey: Says something mildly funny

Geoff L. Ramsey from somewhere else in the room: Is laughing so hard you can clearly hear him despite not being near a mic.

whatever you think misanthropy is, none of it comes even close to the sheer hatred that the average gentrifier has for all signs of humanity, of life

im such a slut for space

“young adult dystopian novels are so unrealistic lmao like they always have some random teenage girl rising up to inspire the world to make change.”

a hero emerges 

And just like in the novels, grown men and women are going out of their way to destroy her. Support our hero.

And it’s not even like it doesn’t happen regularly.  

Teenage girls are amazing.

Sometimes they’re not even teenagers

Reblog every time a girl is discredited/ignored

Who they are:

Emma Gonzalez

Malala Yousafzai

Ruby Bridges

Greta Thunberg

Mari Copeny

Autumn Peltier

Afreen Khan

Sophie Cruz

Charlottesville Black Students Union

Naomi Wadler

DAPL protestors (names not found)

Ahed Tamimi

This isn’t a coincidence. Revolutions almost always happen when the population of a country is at its youngest and that’s a lot more true nowadays with social media.

You have to build a nether portal there. It’s the only valid thing to do

lmao thrice

Todd Howard released Skyrim Minecraft, and it was literally the entire game of Skyrim recreated in Minecraft, blocky Minecraft models paired with Skyrim’s textures (the exact same textures as Skyrim but edited a little to fit Minecraft’s models without looking deformed or squished/stretched). Even the little health, armor, and food bars above your equipped blocks were reskinned into Skyrim status bars.

Not to rain on a parade, but there's a stark contrast between the way Greta Thunberg was received vs all the indigenous and black youth who've been frontline combatting climate change.

And yes, race DOES matter especially here, when racism, colonialism, imperialism and environmental racism are inextricable from climate change. When indigenous and black communities are the first and hardest hit, yet black and brown people are vilified for doing activist work.

(Not saying Greta hasn't been talked down to by politicians, she's undoubtedly faced so much sexism and ableism for being autistic)

Sorry not sorry, but I'm sick of listening to white liberals go all "Wow, this white child is single handedly leading the climate change fight!" when there have been black and brown activists fighting the fight for DECADES. Black and indigenous communities have cared, raised awareness and fought for their homelands for generations. I wish ya'll showed a quarter of this support for Little Miss Flint or Autumn Peltier or any of the black and indigenous youth combatting environmental issues. Black and indigenous youth's childhoods and futures have been denied or stolen since chattel slavery and colonialism (which had a devastating impact on the environment but none of you white environmentalists wanna address that because you'd have to acknowledge black and indigenous people as human beings and frankly, you don't include us in your ~activism~ 🤷🏽‍♂️)

Here are some Black & Brown Girls fighting against climate change: