The music in wtFOCK season 3 - Bonus Song #1
Dinsdag 16.19 // “Beat of My Heart” - Lost Frequencies
Sometimes it takes a lot to realize that you made a mistake, to acknowledge that you hurt someone in that process, because sometimes we have a tendency to block out our mistakes until something changes, until we recognize that the mistake we made was wrong. It can be even more difficult and nerve-wracking to face the problem, to try and make everything better, especially if you never meant for it to happen in the first place. But what hurts the most, is knowing that you hurt that one person, who you never wanted to hurt, the only person in this world, you never wanted to cause pain, which is something Robbe can relate to.
After Robbe’s talk with Milan, he realized that he might had fucked up, because as Milan told him, if he keeps pushing away the person that he is, then at some point he’ll explode, and because of that he’s going to hurt people, he definitely don’t want to hurt. In that moment it seemed like Robbe understood what he had done, the mistakes he had made, because in his attempt to push away his true feeling, to escape the person that he is, he hurt Sander, the only person, who made him feel something real. That’s why Robbe finds himself at Sander’s school, because after a couple unanswered messages, he knew that he needed to talk to Sander face-to-face, so he could tell him how sorry he is about what happen, that he never meant to hurt him the way that he did.
As Robbe enters the school, as he walks down the corridor looking for a certain boy with bleached hair, the song is there in the background, where it provides a beat and an atmosphere to the scene. There’s a feeling of nervousness in the air, which is also present in Robbe’s facial expression, since this is sort of an all-or-nothing-situation. This is Robbe’s opportunity to make things right again, to apologize for the words he said, for the way he acted, and that scares Robbe, because what if it’s too late? What if Sander doesn’t want him anymore?
The song is a very clever choice in terms of this clip, because the continuous beat makes the anticipation rise, as we wait for Robbe to find Sander. And it seems like the steady beat is there to represent a heartbeat, something that fits perfect to the title of the song, “beat of my heart” and to this clip, as it can be seen as a symbol of Robbe’s own heartbeat. The pacing in the song is not overpowering, it mellow and soft, while still having an intensity to it, which fits Robbe’s mood as well. For example, when he walks slowly and softly around the school, because he doesn’t know where to look, and at the same time he seems tense, anxious and nervous as he doesn’t know what to except, once his eyes locks with Sander’s. And because Robbe is feeling this way, it’s sort of comforting to have the beat in the background providing a calmness and continuity to the scene, which somehow makes you feel like you have something to hold onto, if things take an unexpected turn.
But after getting told the direction to the first-year graphic arts students, Robbe’s mood seems to chance, he starts walking faster, where the beat in the background follows his every step. And it seems like the melody goes a bit faster, like it’s representing Robbe’s eager and excitement to see Sander again. Robbe has a bright smile on his face, and he somehow seems more confident as he walks towards the boy, who made him feel something he has never felt before. His smile immediately widens as he spots Sander inside the classroom, and Robbe can’t help but admire him, look at every part of him, as his feelings come to him all at one.
I remember how I felt a warmth going through my body when Robbe looked at Sander with the sweetest smile, that told us so much about, what was going on inside of Robbe in that moment. As soon as he sees Sander through the window, his body seems to relax, the tension immediately leaves him, because that’s the effect Sander’s presence has on him, even from afar. Just the sight of Sander provides Robbe with a sense of comfort and calmness, that he doesn’t get from that many people. Robbe doesn’t know what’s going to happen when he approaches Sander, but that’s a worry for later, because in that moment, Robbe is just letting everything wash over him, all the feelings he has for the boy, who took his breath away, who made him feel so much more.
Even though Robbe is a man on a mission, he leaves the corridor to wait for Sander’s class to be over, and in that moment, as Robbe walks to the restroom, the song starts to fade away. The continuous sound of the quick and single beats, that dominates the song, gets drawn out into longer high pitch notes before the song disappears from the clip completely, as well as the rhythm. It seems like the change and the disappearance of the music indicates a change in the situation, as well as with Robbe and his emotions. It’s like the song represents the eagerness, the anticipation for Robbe to find Sander, so he can explain his feelings to him, where the fading of the song emphasizes the bubble he enters, as he waits for that moment to happen, where it’s all or nothing.
Silence fills the space around Robbe, as he stands in front of the mirror, trying to control his hair, trying to control his nerves as he waits for Sander, maybe he’s even trying to give himself a boost of confidence, since he knows the importance of the next moment. Robbe had to go through a lot, in order for him to come to this stage, to go to Sander’s school, to acknowledge the many mistakes he made. Not only did his conversation with Milan made him discover something about himself, but it also made him rethink a lot of his choice, which led to his breakup with Noor, because he knew that she deserved better, he tried coming out to Jens instead of hiding that part of himself, and it made him apologize to Sander, because Robbe knew that he had done nothing wrong, that it was his darker thoughts that made him say those words to him. Milan’s words made Robbe listen to his heart (finally), because with his actions, he showed that he was done pushing himself away and the feelings growing inside of him, because he knew what he wanted, and now he was finally ready to admit that.
As Robbe looks at himself in the mirror with a little smile on his lips, the calmer and more soothing sounds of the song starts in the background, as it’s there to remind us of the growing anticipation and of what’s to come. Robbe is then taking back to reality when the bell rings, indicating that his little bubble of silence has bursts, reminding him that it’s time to face Sander. And in that moment, when Robbe is about to turn around, I think all of our hearts either stopped beating or at least skipped a beat, because we were as nervous as Robbe was.
Once again, Robbe walks down the corridor, looking around trying to find Sander, while his nerves are starting to grow faster, as he walks closer and closer to the classroom. When he sees him and call out his name, the song slowly fades away, almost as a way to tell us, that the moment has finally come. And as we all know, the brief meeting between them, with only Robbe’s words filling the air between them, didn’t go as we thought, or as Robbe had imagined. But even though Robbe left the corridor and Sander’s school alone, with the saddest and most heartbreaking expression on his face, 12 minutes later, all Robbe’s hopes and dreams became true.
