you’re being gay. good job. carry on.

• ‘We Used To Be Friends’ here (completed)
• ‘quicksand’ here

• fics like We Used to Be Friends here
• flirty, seductive Neil here
• petty rivals andreil here
• ‘The 148’ and ‘that good night’ here
• ‘eat the rich’ here
• ‘Josten’s 8,’ ‘The Foxhole Eleven,’ and ‘A Thief And A Liar’ here
• ‘An Assassin’s Guide to Romance’ here
• ‘This Modern Love,’ ‘Natural Attractions,’ and ‘Take Me Home’ here
• ‘finding more than treasure there’ here
• ‘Guardian Angel’ series here
• ‘For He’s a Jolly Good Felon’ here
• ‘The Duality of Neil Josten’ and ‘Bigger Than A Hexadecimal’ here
• ‘The Family Business’ series here
• ‘most likely to commit crimes’ and ‘nerve’ here  
• ‘prove your love’ here
• ‘We're the giggle at a funeral’ here
• ‘Nightmare On Film’ here
• ‘I’m a free agent, sweet heart’ here
• ‘Taking the Bait’ here
• ‘Cutting Ties’ (updated) here
• ‘dirty little secret’ series here
• ‘Friday Night Big Screen’ here
• ‘Retribution’ and ‘trivial questions about a triple murder (with answers)’ here (both completed)
• ‘The Real Folk Blues’ here
• ‘stab me yourself u coward’ here 
• ‘An Exchange of Owls’ and ‘Dearly Detested’ here
• ‘Just Because I Can’ and ‘No Place Like Home’ here
• ‘Not a Fucking Squirrel’ series here (updated)
• ‘What does 'Viral' Mean?’ here
• ‘dating & other disasters’ here
• ‘wingpeople’ here
• ‘Flavors of Fall’ here (complete)

“This boy with his wildflowers and his explosives.” - Quicksand

“We were at the theater, and you said something to him, I don’t remember what, and he just gave you this look.” - Quicksand

A brief look into Neil’s head during ch2 of Quicksand.

Andrew decides it's time to move out of his childhood home and answers an ad on Craigslist. His new roommates are not at all what he expected and he's convinced all three of them share a single braincell.

Matt is a former boxer with teddy bear tendencies; Kevin is petty, proud and never seems to not have an opinion; and Neil is an underachiever with a bit of mystery surrounding him that Andrew can't help be intrigued by.

Somewhere along the way they form a bit of a dysfunctional family along with Andrew's twin brother Aaron.

Aaron and Neil are not friends. Neil is just the guy who saved Aaron from an assault a few years ago and shows up with a stab wound at his door every now and then asking Aaron to stitch him up.

The problem is Andrew doesn't know about Neil.

Until Neil shows up at Aaron's door during movie night.

a.k.a How Aaron's secret murder friend became his brother-in-law.

There's a new elf at the Palmetto Mall's Santa Land and he's here to cause shit. Andrew is fascinated.

Aaron shows up to practice with his eyes blackened, his nose swollen, his chin bruised, icing a muscle in his shoulder. Andrew promises to find whoever did this and rain vengeance upon them and their family.

Neil is a math major with a limp and an attitude problem. Revenge might just be the last thing on Andrew's mind........

The only thing more dangerous than an irritated Neil was an irritated Neil with a stupid idea.

-

5 times Neil flirted with Andrew, and the 1 time he got what he wanted.

“You two have hooked up, right?”

“Yes and it was awful.” Kevin grimaced at the memory.

“Beyond awful, Kevin is a fucking rabbit.” Neil chewed thoughtfully. “Or like fucking a rabbit, I guess I should say.”

“You’re- you’re- fuck you, Neil, you’re like fucking a pillow.”

“Got a lot of experience pillow fucking?” Neil poked Kevin with his spoon and Kevin swatted the metal object away.

“We were all teenage boys once so yes, don’t act like you don’t.” Responded Kevin haughtily.

“I can honestly say I did not do a lot of pillow fucking.” Neil pointed his spoon at Jeremy to question him next.

After getting too caught up in a web of lies about his nonexistent love life, Andrew can no longer avoid bringing someone home to meet his family. Luckily, this turns out to be easier than he thought: the hot cashier at his favorite bakery is perfectly fine with doing this so long as he gets free dinners until the deal is up. His family even easily accepts their made-up love story, albeit warily.

The only problem? Neil Josten is too good of a liar, and somehow the two are now engaged and planning their wedding.

"You paid for the deluxe package," Neil says as he scrolls through his payment history to find his client's invoice. His system is simple:

Basic Package: Fuck you. A general statement of displeasure and a brief description of the wrongdoing.

Intermediate Package: Fuck you, with passion. Everything in the basic package, but with additional insults. Customizable for an extra fee.

Deluxe Package: Fuck you to hell. Everything from the first two packages, for an extended period of time, and with extra viciousness.

And it looks like Andrew Minyard is the unlucky soul today.