Liam: What do you consider to be your best quality?
Harry: Well, I'm a real people person.
Zayn: I don't answer stupid questions.
Niall: I speak Dutch.
Louis: My eyes. Oh, and I guess my butt, too.
Zayn: There's nothing to do....
Liam: You can wash the dishes you promised to wash about a week ago.
Zayn: *pulls out his phone* Nevermind.
Harry, barging in: Syphilis!
Liam:
Harry:
Liam: Pardon?
*At the X-Factor*
Louis, lying on the floor, depressed: I'll never be a singer. I'm gonna have to be a criminal.
*During Covid*
Liam: I can’t wait for this quarantine to be over.
Zayn, emerging over 3 blankets: We’re in quarantine?!
Liam: Yeah, why do you think I don’t go for a run with Harry every morning?
Zayn: I thought you were just coming to your senses.
Paul: Louis, were you paying any attention to what I was saying?
Louis: Definitely! On an unrelated note, did you know that the ceiling has 234 tiles
Niall: Sleep is the body’s best safety mechanism.
Harry: How so?
Niall: It keeps you from screwing up for 8 hours.
Zayn: Do you have a bobby pin?
Louis: Yeah. *searches in his hair*
Louis: Oh, no, wait. I’m not a nine-year-old girl.
Liam: The stars are so beautiful...
Zayn: They're just giant balls of gas.
Liam: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then-
Zayn: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you.
Liam: Oh...
Zayn: I’m gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.
Louis, texting a picture of a tattoo: Hey, is this guy from a cartoon show?
Harry: Oh, yeah, that’s Grim from Billy and Mandy.
Harry: Follow up question…
Harry: Why does that look like your arm?
Harry: Those pants looks great, Zee.
Zayn: Thanks.
Harry: But I bet they would look even better on Liam's floor.
Liam: Are you hitting on Zayn... for me?
Louis: Fruits that do not live up to their names: passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew and dragonfruit.
Louis: Fruits that do live up to their names?
Louis: Orange.
Harry: Louis annoyed me today so I told him that I can’t wait to see what he has planned for our special day tomorrow.
Niall: There is nothing special about tomorrow.
Harry: But there is something special about watching the color leave his face as panic takes over.
Harry: *makes Niall a cup of tea but puts salt in it*
Niall: *sips tea*
Harry:
Niall: *finishes tea*
Harry: Didn't it taste bad?
Niall: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.
Harry, tearing up: Oh, okay.
Liam: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!
Harry: How can you still say that?
Liam: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.
Niall: You’re charged with… breaking into a pet store?
Harry: I thought the animals might be lonely.
Louis: Which is correct, seven and five IS thirteen, or seven and five ARE thirteen?
Liam: Neither.
Liam: Because it's twelve.
Simon: Stop dating your bandmate!
Louis: You know what? I’m gonna start dating him even harder.